I’ve started wearing my watch again. I had stopped wearing it for the last 6 months- just like that. I wanted to understand both sides of the coin- why do some people wear watches and some don’t? the experience was rich; largely uneventful, though- I cannot describe it. But I can distinctly feel the difference in my behaviour when I am and am not wearing a watch. Its not blaring-in-the-face, just subtle. I think everyone should try it- makes a good food for thought!

My internet connection has finally started working again. 3 months, I think- I have been out of connection with the world’s greatest gift of information. (I daresay entertainment, too).

I have noticed that the general standard of the shampoos and conditioners in the country has improved. Everybody has great hair texture these days. Everyone’s hair looks smooth and well kept. Now I remember wondering why people got all kinds of shampoo and conditioner from US as gifts. Hehe..

I had a great time working with Medha and Nischita on the triloka project. It was both a professional and fun experience. The way I feel, talk, and react is different with different sets of people. I would not dream of fooling around with Deepti the way I do with Medha. I cannot imagine seriously designing clothes with Manasa. I cannot imagine meeting up and simply talking to catch up with Varun like I enjoy with Kruthika- we always have to DO something. Very, very different. Yet, I’m more than happy with ALL. It amuses me.

My eyes have a serious problem with bright monitors. I narrow my eyes as if I were talking to the sun or something. Sometimes I feel like buying sunglasses so that I could wear them every time I use the computer. Can you imagine that? Hehe..

I remember thinking about 4 years back (when I was finalizing architecture)- that I wanted to take up something that won’t require me to dumbly- (I think the word does not exist)-sit in front of the comp for thirteen hours a day. Come to think of it, I do spend a lot of time working on the comp these days- most of the work produced impossible without the machine. ‘I might as well have become a software engineer’, I sometimes think. Not because its easier to do, but because I actually loved programming in college- it would have simplified my life. What I am happy about, though, is the fact that I still have the capability to think outside of the computer, merely use it as a tool- programming only being a method used to instruct the computer to perform a task that you want to get done- a task, mind- for a higher purpose. Its the task, not the handing over of the task- the goal is not efficient instruction, but the design value of the project- something that a machine cannot produce. The computer can help me draw the design differently, but it cannot help me design differently.

I am sipping mango milkshake as I write. I LOVE mangoes and anything to do with them- the 'luvvvv' is purely unconditional. :)

I simply DO NOT understand why people do not comment in my blog. I talk about things that are very easily perceivable by all; and my opinions-(whenever I do have them, that is)-are extremist. Yet, no one stands up against them. Like when I say, “I think we as a human race are stupid.”- does no one have anything to say about it? Or do you just agree with me?! I don’t think so.

I really appreciate the efforts that BMTC is putting in towards good bus transport in Bangalore. They’re contacting designers for everything- right from the design of their bus terminals to the design of the 2 zillion bus stops in the city. They have a strategy, an intent- they want bus stops to be designed in a way so as to redefine the image we have of city bus transport. The big boss of BMTC speaks the language of design. I have never seen that happen in India at such a public level. Its an amazing feeling. But then, recently, I saw the new design of the bus stop, and I hated it. That’s the catch. The minute any issue is handed over to the community of designers, it’s a debate. There is no fool-proof ‘excellent’ design. There exists something called a bad design, too. How can we expect ordinary citizens to make the effort and haul the project over to the designer if, ultimately, half of us do not approve of the design? The client would rather get a contractor to 'design' it rather than get into the endless debate with no factual base? The client has no drive. That, I think, is the sad part.

I’ve pasted a roll of paper all along the walls in my room- 2’ high, at eye level. I call it my scrap book. Anybody can write anything on it- reminders, thank u notes, stick pictures, make lists, scribble deadlines, and the like. I love it. It makes things so easy to put down. This is one of those things that live with us, and something we can carry forward as reminders of the past. Now that my universal book of the semester wont exist anymore, I’ve been looking for alternatives to capture the moments we spend as time trots along...

I never write/wrote the date in any of my books in school and college. I thought it pointless. Ironic, eh?

Crossovers between various strata in the society are such interesting events. Movies are made of them. They are rather rare, too. I experienced it recently. Somehow, the great bridge has not yet been constructed. Love marriages are trying their luck at it.. maybe it’ll take longer. But then again, it’s a fundamental difference that’s rather unique to our species, don’t you think? I mean, is there distinction like that in snakes? Ants? hmm...

I used autocad today for the first time to a satisfied finish. I usually don’t prefer ‘computer generated’ design because the drawings feel shallow; the missing pencil lines strip them of substance. Also, cad takes like a million years to finish- I can never complete a cad drawing. Also, there are so many issues related to machinery failure: no electricity, no ink in printer, no printer, no plotter, and worst of all- virus. “I just cannot understand WHY this hatch WONT WORK!!” Sandeep said today that computer generated drawings are more professional than hand made. ???. I dunno.

Yesterday I watched my friend play tennis. Great game, tennis. My immediate reaction was- ‘I want to learn too!!’. I love sport. But then there is this thing of the jack and the master, and I don’t know if I should let myself try everything. Its confusing to be good at everything as opposed to excellent at one. The other day I played squash, and I was named a natural. They say you shouldn’t play both tennis and badminton. I love playing badminton, and I am dying to learn tennis. Hmm..

I think I am a rigid designer. I am unable to draw as easily as the pencil allows one to. I don’t know what the origin of this is, but its rather difficult for me to draw random lines on site. Just can’t. This semester when I incorporated a rollercoaster in my design, I intended to free myself- so as to be able to see the possibilities. Not that right angles are bogus, but to get a taste, know the horizons. Its not as easy- and this semester didn’t work. I wonder if I should try again in thesis. Thesis, they say, is the most important creation of an undergrad. Should I make this an experiment? This is not the real question in my mind. The real one calls out to time. Should I cry out to revive, or should I embrace the new? Is revival a pointless attempt at keeping something as it is, while we all know that change is the one notable constant in the universe? I don’t know what the exact intent of my architecture is- its rather hazy at the moment. In some cases, it gets sentimental. Like the temple. Should we carry the burden like a box and place it on newly cleared land, or should we try to accept temples of aluminium cladding panels? What is today? Is it what it has become, or is it what we want it to be?

I recently attended a panel discussion on how to reduce the gap between architectural education and the profession. And got royally blasted from HOD for it. He thinks it’s a waste of time- says that the ‘panel’- does not have even one architect who actually knows what he’s talking about. I wouldn’t agree completely- I’m not saying I was ‘inspired’ by the experience, but I did get some insight into the problems we’re facing as a community. Some things were right on display, very much like HOD said. I believe that attending these kind of forums help you- in some way or the other- at least they help me form an opinion on the various issues of architectural education. They help you come face to face with the city’s architects. They give you a chance to stand up and ask questions to the selected ones. They help in creating your opinion of them- it’s definitely not a waste of time.

My final design review is in a week. We are to propose a metro station with added facilities on Bangalore’s most important road- the mg road. I have proposed an ‘infotainment’ centre with the station. The main agenda is to keep alive the organic skyline created by the unique green stretch. I am helping the dense pedestrian edge of the mg road spill onto the road (the road dips below as a subway), and fold into my building across the street- underground. The terminal and the building are one; one can see the trains pass as they sip coffee in the café. This might be a problem for the acoustics- the maddening sound created by the arriving train must be muffled. I have to detail it still. Hmm..

Its been a long time since I wrote. I wonder if it makes any difference to the quality of writing at all- unhealthy amounts of break- how are book authors supposed to handle it? ‘Sharpen the saw’.

My student life is coming to an end. I wont be attending any more building construction theory classes. I wont be attending any structures classes anymore. Planning, theory, sociology, history. The same madness that a combination of an eccentric genius as HOD, crazy faculty, peers who are more interested in the rain than the solar angles, the existence of ‘mediocre’ work, mass bunking, group ‘presentations’, and escapist attitude- cannot be dreamt of replacing. Unquestionable- in a masters course. Hehe. It was fun, to dream in class of the cup-noodles at the gate, and the free class at the end of the week. Architecture was fun when it was being taught. Now let’s see if it’ll be fun actually learning it. :)

I saw a couple of books today- ‘how to draw in fashion design’, and ‘textile design and fall of materials in fashion’. I think I am going to be buying them. It’s such a great feeling to be earning money. These books will be my home study. I guess this is what I can do at most- I cannot study everything although I am interested in it all. I cannot go to college till the end of my life; but then this would mean being busier. Hmm...

In my life till now, I have been doing it all. Playing volleyball, studying for exams, participating in competitions, organizing events, spending time with family, stitching, making paper, traveling, et al. But recently, it has been too much. So much, that I have to begin to prioritize; some things are more important. I am still doing them all, but am not expecting the world from them all. I have seen important relationships go weak due to lack of quality time given to them; I am half there already, and its time I turned around. My cousins are important to me; I want my children to have a secure and lovable family. Look at the gujjus. This against the attendance of one semester of one year of graduate degree in my entire life. What is priority? My brother’s wedding. A one time syndrome. Togetherness. Rituals. Family. Fun. Memories of a lifetime are made at weddings. Any Indian’s single most important day is her wedding day. This against one design studio in my undergraduate life. What is priority? Playing volleyball. Those have been the most enjoyable and most memorable moments of my school and college life. I am the captain of the university level team. What do you do when you have a design review the same day as the last volleyball tournament of your life? What is priority? Which would I remember during my last days?

By some good luck of mine, I stumbled across the serial ‘Hum Paanch’ yesterday...was like a breath of fresh air. Madness. The dialogues are not witty; its slap-stick comedy- but the innocence of the characters filled my heart. Beautiful. That mad woman sings her heart out every time she opens the door. ‘Dada’, ‘Bhai’. Hehe...the attempt is honest; there is no faking or saas-bahu involved. And yes, its Ekta Kapoor. She started this way. Where has she chosen to end up? Why?

I went with the driver today to pick up smitha from work. It felt like I visited an entirely new city. Not because the city looked or felt different (every single city in the world today looks and feels the same), but because we passed a lot of farmland before the city emerged again. It was kind of surreal; watching all the building activity against the farms- from an air conditioned environment- felt like someone was showing me a movie..a movie showcasing change that human settlements bring to the earth. We’re doing quite the harm.. if we observe, the most significant thing that development kills is anything natural- to make way for the artificial. Trees, soil, earth, land, sky, climate, rain, temperature, air, the atmosphere. We’re changing it all. We must do something.

I designed my own clothes for my brother’s wedding. I think they were quite the success. Hehe..

I used to wonder why people kept recording what they were doing on travels. I didn’t think it important; thought it would remain in my mind- every moment, every reaction. I think I was partially right, but still, something concrete would make it more real. I was right in thinking that no words can express how I felt at the biggest stupa in sri lanka, or how I felt at the taj mahal. I can still feel it; I just have to close my eyes- and concentrate. But I cannot share it; I cannot tell my mom how I felt. There must be some way. Photography ruins the involvement with space; you are more engrossed in focusing the frame than feeling the wind. Can we not record our feelings somewhere?

I have just realized that every pain, every emotion, every reaction- is all in the mind; when the mind is deviated, they can cease to exist. I had a very painful experience with a fungal infection on my foot about a year back- and the timing couldn’t have been worse. It was the day of the vtu volleyball tournament. I was limping; it hurt at every step. I was determined to play still; I wanted to play my favourite sport. I entered the court- and then, nothing mattered. I did not remember my foot- or the pain- I could only think of the opponent’s serve. It was beautiful; I think we should all experience this emotional high- it shows how we let small things rule our lives, while they can be buried under something that we can actually choose.

I love the fall of crepe. Such a beautiful material. Double umbrella makes it hang at the sides; and the peeko finish makes it flow like water. The sparse embroidery balances perfectly with the jacquard jacket; the height difference between the two skirts couldn’t have been lesser. I didn’t realize it was as heavy until the function was over; and heels didn’t help either. People said I looked good, so I guess it was worth it. Hehe..

We use bore well water at home. If I remember correctly, bore well water is hard water, and the salts that make water hard are carbonates and bicarbonates of calcium and potassium. So basically when any vessel is in constant use, these salts remain on the surface of the container. Same with my shower head. I must clean it. The pores are almost completely blocked by the salt remains. I wonder why such small things take up so much of our mental energy.

I have been traveling for quite some time now. I have traveled across India- Ahmadabad, Chandigarh, Delhi, Jaipur, Simla, Pondicherry, Madurai, Aurangabad, Mysore, Mumbai, Pune, Hyderabad, Goa, Agra, Mussurrie, Kanyakumari, Bijapur, Belur, Halebid, Hassan, Tumkur, Dharwad, Chittradurga, Hyderabad, and most recently, the island nation of sri lanka. This reminds me of the punch line of the programme ‘globe trekker’- “Did they tell you it was a small world? Try this on for size!”

I read a couple of blogs today. Every person has a distinct style of writing. Now this distinct ‘style’ that we call it, is a default thing; she does not intend to write the way she does; its instinctive. Don’t you think writing is an involuntary activity? I’m sure you cannot make your writing as it is; the characteristic emerges- its not a goal. Which is why, no matter how ‘badly’ someone writes, its still very unique- incomparable. Which means that every single person’s writing should be celebrated; it cannot be reproduced in any other timeline.

If someone is ‘creative’, does that mean that she lives creatively? How different are ‘being creative’ and ‘living creative’? I, for one, cannot separate the two. How can someone have a certain attitude at work, and change completely at home? If in architecture I insist on design as necessity, how can I not think the same in my own clothing? If everything in architecture has to be custom made, so does in clothing, jewellery, and shoes. How can creativity of an architect not be seen outside of the studio? If an architect is asked to so much as talk, will she not talk differently?! I see the difference everywhere- between being it, and living it. Is it so diffcult to live what you are? I am a designer; I live design.

SRI LANKA. When people ask me how my tour of the country was, I simply smile- I cannot begin to explain the emotions I went through- I actually mean it now- words are not enough. Saying that it was ‘awesome’ categorizes it into an excitement filled excursion, -which it was not- but it indeed was AWESOME. Most of all, I think I’m in love with the people- they remind me of what we were a decade back. Earlier when someone returned from a trip and pronounced that they love the people of the place, I used to think it impossible to understand the people of an entire community- all in a couple of week’s time. But now, I know. I cannot explain. Beautiful.

People keep using the word ‘inspired’ very often. Personally, I think it’s a really, really strong word, and should be used only at exceptional emotional highs- “I’m inspired.” I remember not wanting to use it for the past 21 years of my life- but now, I must. There is nothing else. But I’m sure people wont understand the gravity of it’s use- very much like the tooth relic temple in kandy- not all can understand how important that structure is to the lankans. Paradigm shift.

A mad friend of mine has been quite irritated with the colour of my wardrobe. She thinks its all rather too dull. She hates the brownes and beiges- the greens and the blacks. She says that if I lie down on the earth and someone saw from high above, I couldn’t be pointed out.. Now, I seriously doubt if that was a compliment, but the statement hit me. “we are all created out of mud, and one day all of us will end up as mud”. If she so much as smells this positive reaction, she will slit my throat. Seriously.

I love putting mehendi. But it’s a very, very tedious task. It takes hours, and hours, and hours of hardwork. And all for a temporary tattoo. Never mind that, I think it’s worth it. Recently I was ‘hired’ to apply mehendi for an engagement, and I applied my studio concepts to the design. It worked, and beautifully. I was right; design is design- be it fashion, textile, jewellery, or product. They are one, and we shouldn’t be distinguishing them. The different degrees in education may help in focusing on one, but they are essentially one- design- and one passionate mind can take them all.

My blog is not real-time. I wonder if people realize that. The fundamental reason why I write is to keep a record of the timeline- and it is ironical that my blog is not flowing along with my life- but my diary is. I write basically in my diary, and post a part of that as my blog.

Mudasir said today- life is just about the number of varied experiences you have- good and bad. Hmm...I don’t think life is just about the number or range of experiences- it’s not a checklist. I don’t think we should just do everything for the sake of the ‘experience’-at the end of it, you should have an opinion- intent. That’s what makes your life. Lets say one guy starts to ‘want’ to experience everything, so he starts doing it all- and then this other guy is born who has the same intention- to not have any intentions, just the experience. How are they different at all?! What makes it your life?!

Kaustubh said that he stopped writing in his blog because he gave in to the ‘demand-supply’ syndrome. I wonder if I will be bitten too.

The whole world is online these days- it’s not like before. People have to be careful with what they say online. ‘Global connectivity’. Recently, a group of people were caught by the police for drugs or something like that. On investigation, it was found that they came in touch with each other through orkut. My brother thinks it’s great that a community like orkut can bring together ‘like-minded’ people. He writes the code for orkut. Truly, orkut has brought a lot of like-minded people together- irrespective of the intent. I wonder where all this is leading us.

Sometimes I think I’m too fussy. My brother says that nothing is ever simple with me around. Like for example, the task of buying a dress. I make it a big deal- “it has to be designed, it has to be something different.” This probably puts off certain people. Does designing everything make life complicated? It shouldn’t. But then when someone steps a little out of the ‘ordinary’ line, everything quickly thickens- it’s a difficult task to be different.

I wonder if my blog page is monotonous. It’s just pure text- and tons of it. We read a lot of books with only text, don’t we? Oh that reminds me of how desperately my mom had tried to get me started on reading actual books- a transfer from comics. Difficult, it was. I think the first book that I read was one of the secret seven series. Nice books, those. Famous five, too.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my professional future- how I want to end up- full fledged architect with big firm or what..So many things are coming to my mind- they’re all so easy to say- living them is a different thing. For example, “I want to bring design to the common man.” How in the whole universe do you actually do it? This might even sound too idealistic -or philosophical- even. Hmm..

Do ‘great’ architects have great attitude? I have been meeting with a lot of architects recently. I have asked them fundamental questions relating to their aim in their architectural life- and they’re all so unique. Everybody has something new and striking to say. But one thing- they know all about each other, and keep track of one another’s achievements and failures. Know your enemy, eh?

The last four paragraphs that I have written are all of almost the same length. Feels out of place- makes me want to write more in some of the paragraphs to make it less standardized. There- at least in this paragraph I varied the length! :)

“There is nothing called as a low cost home- It’s such a humiliating thing to say. Even if a farmer’s life savings is 3 lakhs, he expects a good home for himself. Same with a businessman with a budget of 3 crores. No one wants a cheap product. ‘Low cost’ is the wrong word. The word is ‘appropriate’.”

Taking photographs has become such an easy and inexpensive task. Digital cameras help a lot. Videos are even better. But we tend to get to the other extreme too. On architectural study tours, I tend to avoid carrying my camera- because the innocence with which space is experienced- is lost. When we design spaces, we always think of human psychology in the space- how she will react to this light, how she will experience this volume. But when these emotions are felt from behind the camera lens, they are not the same.

Why can’t mosquitoes just live and let live?

I was told recently that I come across as an arrogant person. I don’t understand- I do not have ego and over-confidence...for me, the most believable sentence would be the one which talks about my flaws...I’m crazy. The thing is, I think I am –innocently- too straight-forward and curious. I ask directly- and answer directly. This may be mistaken as attitude. For example, in std. Ten in a bio class, my teacher made me stand up and asked me out of complete and honest concern- “Why are your eyes watering? Are you crying?” For me, it was not a matter of choice- I had to tell the truth- “I just yawned, ma’am.” See now, I might have looked like a buffoon with horns, but for me, it was more of a fundamental law- not to lie- to anyone, about anything. I still don’t lie.

I hate getting ‘common’ cold. Without exception, I am infected once a year- and I just about barely exist for those 5 days. The beginnings are the worst- since I don’t carry a handkerchief with me everyday. That unfortunate first day of cold is rather embarrassing. Once I had cold when my college exams were going on- quite interesting entertainment it must have been to all.. Hehe...

Human communication is such a tedious process. Informing a group of seven people about tomorrow’s site visit is such a complicated thing to do. It’s more than just ‘message sent’ as in a sms. It goes much deeper than that. There are psychological consequences- introducing the theory of what I call- ‘she-felt-bad’. When members of a group are to be informed of a program tomorrow, they have to be made to feel like they are desperately needed; they should feel like they were the first ones to be informed. The concept of ‘forgetting’ is unforgivable. That of assumption is even worse. “I thought it will be too far for you to come.” “I thought you might be too busy to make it.” Who’s asking you to decide if I can come or not?! That’s MY job- yours is to inform me of the program. It’s worse when you’re trying to fix a program altogether. Why is it so difficult for people to agree on one thing? It’s never instinctive; it all has to be pre-decided.

The more you sleep, the sleepier you get during the day. Honestly. Sleep less during the entire semester, and you’re fine- except for dark circles and a lower level of concentration. But sleep for 10hrs immediately after that, and you’re gonna be sleepy the whole of the next day.

I get very irritated when people say things like—“ Hey I’m too busy, I cannot come..”, “I’m too tired because I rode 15kms today”, “It’s too far”, “I’m all stressed out cause I had an exam today and I slept only six hours..”. only six hours?? Do you know how long six hours of sleep is?? All these jobless engineering students go around saying “Hey I have lots of work- I have to write the record..” What in heaven’s name?? How long does writing a record take after all?? Three hours max?? That’s like nothing at all!! Try living an architect’s life..!

I love the primary schools in the rural areas of India...they have a portico running the length of the building, housing classrooms in a row...I love the columns- painted in the tri-colour...There are paintings of the national bird and animal.. You can see the bell hanging at the end of the corridor..Why can’t urban schools be like this? Why do they have to look like IT offices with glass facades and have abstract and designer murals on the walls? Why can’t the walls be painted with the Indian tri-colour? Why is there no verandah-like space in front of the classrooms? Why are corridors so concealed and darkly lit? It’s what we call progress.

I see at least one ambulance everyday.

I was told yesterday- “I read your blog. You write really well.” Now, personally I don’t think I write well at all. Honestly. And that too- of all places- in my blog. Here I’m writing exactly what I am thinking, word- by- word. Does that mean that I think well?? He he...I have never been known as someone who writes well. I cannot stop counting the number of grammatical errors.. Not only this, there are so many spelling mistakes too! I think if my mom read my blog, she would not be able to read what I’ve written at all- because her mind is too busy pointing out the errors..

My activa had a tyre puncture in the last week. It’s so crippling to not have your own vehicle to move around. I traveled to college and back by autorickshaw that day, and it cost me four times as much, wasting more than an hour in the process! No matter how much we complain about the traffic jams in the city, noone wants to let go of their own vehicles because the public transport is even worse. The thing is, I fully appreciate what new concepts BMTC is coming up with, but the bottom line is that traveling by bus is still very slow and tiring. I wonder if the metro will help.

I was riding back from college late yesterday evening, and suddenly one billion thoughts came to my mind- about random topics. I cannot remember even a quarter of them now. That time I was wondering if we can invent a sort of a typewriter in the head- which shifts thoughts directly from the brain. Noone would forget anything anymore. What would a human come across as then?

You should never depend on anybody else for anything in life- they will inevitably let u down. Should never consult anybody for an opinion- they don’t really care. Should never ask anyone if they’re doing something so that you can do it together- they always change their mind. Apna koi nahi hota. Sab paraey hain yahan.

Everybody in this world has their own set of friends. Every single person has a ‘best friend’. And when times change- and your friends don’t have time to hang out with you anymore, never stop to invite/wait for them. Don’t try to re-live the past moments. Don’t stay there in hope of them coming back to the golden days. They won’t. As we move ahead in life, so do friends. In today’s world, you cannot expect to have friends for life. Accept that. Move ahead, meet new people. It’s a whole new world out there. There are soo many great friends to make. One should never be too old to make new friends, cause old ones don’t really last. It’s all idealism. Once you find the newer ones, you’ll wish you had met them before- and then there’s no time- life’s next destination is here already, and it’s gonna lead elsewhere. You already know you’re going to be left alone- again. Don’t panic- it’ll be a whole new world- again.

Emotional intelligence is such a powerful thing. I think it’s a more important quality to have than a great I.Q. I was recently very pleasantly surprised by a friend’s emotional maturity. It’s always easy to give in and do what’s on your mind, but to pause, analyse, and reconsider- even forgive. I think forgiveness is the most divine of all emotion. Only those at higher levels of emotional maturity can actually forgive. In totality. How can you make out if a person is emotionally intelligent or not- in a first meeting? Gandhiji had said that one should judge a person’s character by being a witness to his interaction with people of a lower grade/class. Is that emotional intelligence too?

These days I’m looking to understand the differences- in the habits and behaviour- between a Brahmin and a ‘non-brahmin’. I’m curious. I want to know what difference our age old system of discrimination has made to our respective lives. It’s not about good or bad- it’s not about right or wrong- it’s about the difference. What are they? Similarly, what are the differences- in habits and behaviour- between a rich man and a middle class man?

I was just reading the stuff I have written, and I realized that in a paragraph-‘x’ paragraphs before this one, I talk about how the whole world more or less falls into one category-‘ordinary’-and that it is so diffcult to be ‘different’. And then, soon after that paragraph, I talk about how I am amused by the fact that each person is soo ‘different’ from another-and I wonder how people could possibly be so distinct. He he...Am I contradicting myself? Or is it that I am talking about two distinct topics, and that they cannot be compared on the same plane?

It’s difficult for me to type or think anything when a song is playing...-kept in the dark- I cannot seem to be able to concentrate...–so many words for the broken heart- music can be such a great distraction...-your every wish will be done, they tell me- I cannot listen to a song and do something else simultaneously...for example, while I’m typing this, there’s just some sound in the background, and I’m thinking about what I am typing. And when I finish typing, I go back to the song, and start humming with it. When I start typing again, I don’t remember what song is playing at all. It’s like I’m going in and out of the song...very much similar to the zooming in and out of the eye, trying to focus on two things almost one behind the other, 10 feet from the eye. You can’t focus on both at the same time- you can actually feel your eye zooming in and out, keeping up with human will.

I read about a famous Pakistani fashion designer today...Apparently, he is educationally qualified to be an architect! Immediately I felt that this designer chap was a cheater to his community- like he had done something that he should’nt have. Then, right after that, I saw a possibility for me. I told myself, “Even I could do that...” Would I be a traitor too? Or is it just that when people finally find their passion, you should be supportive of their courage to switch careers...? Like Shankar Mahadevan. Software enginner at Wipro to music director in bollywood.

What is the plural of ‘genius’? :)

Earphones just DO NOT fit in my ears properly. The tiny speakers keep falling off- it’s quite a nuisance to use them. Apparently I don’t have a tiny lobe in my ear that is supposed to hold them up. And if I somehow manage to keep them in place, and listen to music with zero movement( quite a sight, that is, mind-), i cannot keep them on for more than an hour- it hurts. Each one of us has such unique problems :)

My mom keeps asking me to clean my room. Why do all mothers keep asking their children to clean their respective rooms? I don’t get it- it’s unmistakably universal. What are these children going to grow up and tell their children? Don’t tell me I’m going to grow up and tell my children to clean their rooms. Hehe.. Is it a cycle? Does everybody grow up to realize that rooms should be cleaned? :)

A friend in my class was wearing a dull-green looking shirt today. When I looked closely, it was composed of vertical strips in four colours- off-white, black, dull-orange, and green- in the same order. Why did the shirt look green overall? Isn’t green supposed to have least scattering property in the spectrum or something like that? By that theory, the shirt should have looked orange, right?

I loved the movie swades. That is the only movie in which shah rukh does not make his ‘standard-emotional-face’. He actually grips. I wonder if the director makes the difference. I personally think shah rukh can’t act for nuts. But then, I saw the episode of ‘koffee with karan’ starring rani mukherjee, kajol and shah rukh where he came across as such a charming man. So much energy, so approachable, so enthusiaistic. Karan had a segment where he spoke to a bunch of kids and asked them- ‘how many of you love shah rukh?’- Most of them raised their hands, screaming in delight. Shah rukh was interested in the 2-3 who didn’t. That’s like the most amazing thing, isn’t it? He’d probably want to have them convinced too. I don’t think aamir would have done that.

I LOVE the new tata safari ad. Not as a product seller, but for its starting point, and the most alarming realization of our life it brings forth- ‘Slavery is not dead, we’ve just stopped recognizing it. When did u agree to be continuously watched, to your life not being yours anymore?’ The visuals are simple, and stunning -literally. What have we made ourselves become?

Let’s say you are on your way to your best friend’s wedding reception. You are very well dressed, and can’t wait to hug her with congrats. You are so excited for her. You enter the wedding hall, and in the distance you can see brilliant light focusing on the stage. You walk closer, and all you can see from then on is the photographer’s head. Now, isn’t that just absolutely irritating? That’s what happens in today’s wedding- everything is done for the photograph. The groom put the garland around the bride’s neck. Oh no no, the photographer didn’t catch it, do it again. Aaarrgghhhh. Wedding photography is not a pictoral representation of a list of things that happen at the wedding, but it is the capturing of the emotion. Just as the mangalsutra is about to adorn the bride’s neck, she can see it right in front of her nose- she is both scared and excited at the same time- it is the moment of her life. Capture that. As the bride walks into the hall for the first ceremony, the anxious groom’s face is glowing- he can’t stop grinning. Capture that. The groom’s cousins are trying to flick the gifts. The bride’s detectives are trying to steal the shoes. North Indians are desperately trying to keep the mobile ‘saaru’ within the banana leaf. Jobless guests are playing cricket in hiding. The bride is eating a chocolate under her palloo. These are the moments that we miss, the times that we want to re-live and enjoy. Wedding photography should aim at capturing these too, if not only.

How do a left hander ride a two wheeler? Does she accelerate with her wrong hand? :)

I was weaving beads into a thread today. The selection of a bead at any point depends on the kind of bead in the string before this one, and the one that will come after it. This, I think, is the most understandable analogy of ‘relevence’. Architecturally, too. This is the context. The essence of urban design, Ananth Sir said. Simple, isn’t it? But then why do most architects today fail to realize it?

I bought a new wallet today. It looks bigger than the earlier one, and accomadates more. I cannot let go of my old one though. I wonder if it’s just me, or is it difficult for everybody to let go of things they have used for a long time?

When someone uses the word ‘fool-proof’, it sounds like an intelligent thing to say- the image that immediately comes to my mind is that of a CBI officer- working on a top-secret and ‘fool-proof’ mission... But if you look at it closely, the word contains the sub-word, ‘fool’. The image that comes to my mind is that of an air-head, who believes that if he stares hard enough, he can see the back of his head. Quite different from a CBI officer, don’t you think? :)

People can be so mean and cruel. So business-like. When it comes to money. PAISA. My dad says that for some people, when it becomes about the money, they could even refuse to identify their own parents...I wouldn’t have believed it earlier. Now I do. It’s like suddenly you have been pushed into this big bad world that you have been avoiding all your life. It’s thrown in your face- and it stinks. You dissolve, and become one of them- to survive them. I had not intended to make that leap at this point in my life- I have one and a half years more of schooling (or rather college-ing) to do. Maybe this rude shock will help me build my life further. OR maybe I’ve lost a couple of precious years of innocence I could have lived. Maybe this is what happens to kids whose lives are changed forever by tragedy. Maybe worse. The faith in the good is lost; the free air you breathe starts to smell suspicious. It IS a big bad world.

I was crossing a signal on foot yesterday, and I passed by a lady with a much distorted face. What came to my mind immediately was “oh, so sad...” WHY? It doesn’t matter how you look, right? How important is it for Tiger Woods to have better eyebrows? Would it make any difference to him at all if his face was distorted?? Amilie Mauresmuo (dunno the spelling)-My mom keeps groaning every time she watches her play- she claims the tennis player looks man-like. WHO CARES? SHE’S PLAYING THE WIMBLEDON FINAL. Can you do that? Can you even dream of getting there? Stephen Hawking. Should I say more? It does not matter how you look to become who you want to be or what you want to do in life. We're all living in the grays though, aren't we?

Asking for money can be so depressing and emotionally demanding. Even when you deserve it. Why is the whole world trying to negotiate? Why does everything run on money?

People are so different from one another. It amuses me. Each person has a different understanding of everything. How can everyone possibly be so different?? For example, I escorted various people to my site, and they all loved it, but for fundamentally different reasons. My mom loves the openness, my dad loves the hollow clay block as it is so different from all other building materials, my friend pooja loves it because there are angular lines in the plan. I am still to accompany many others. It will be amusing to discover all the reasons- and also the criticism.

I was remembering my second pu days yesterday. They were soo much fun. I don’t remember studying at all. I remember all the background things- writing records in class, taking part in inter-college events and winning, making and writing in slam books, entering late in class, eating ‘bajji’ at 8 in the night(13kms from my home), staying at friend’s places at nights in hope of studying(watching movies instead), spilling conc.HNO3 on my fingers, the smell of benzoic acid(I hope the name’s right), fighting with ashwin for seats every morning, trying to avoid varun but not his food(hehe), the teachers’s day function, the drama, the ‘junk’ with anuradha(that was some solid entertainment in class), speaking to vinay and gang(the most enjoyable moments of the two years), writing sandesh’s record, borrowing lab coats for chem. labs, cannizzaro’s reactions(alcohol+ aldehyde->something), talking and walking textbooks in class(:)), mr.PM(cannot even begin to explain), comp labs...If you noticed, it was my second pu. And I don’t remember anything about studying at all. And I scored 98.67%. I think it shows what is more important in life, and I was right when I wrote it in my slam book. The unfinished record doesn’t matter, the unfinished slam book does.

Interior design is the exploration into materials, textures and colour. The basic framework remains the same. Somehow I don’t like it. Architecture is very, very different from this understanding- it is the creation, or the formation. It is not about decoration, but about psychology of space. My understanding of interior design, as of today, is limited to small spaces, mostly residences. In magazines like inside outside, what comes across about interior design is that it’s all about being creative with materials; how you can roll what, and stick where. It does not speak about why the sofa is as wide as it is, or why seating has been restricted to this area/shape; how the selected materials have been arrived at, or how tall the wardrobe is. The wardrobe is always of the same height; the sofa is always as wide as it has always been. Circulation patterns and the physical dimensions of the space are determined by its architecture. Interior design is more-so the matching of patterns. Sheesh. Some interior designer is going to kill me soon. The thing is, I want to understand, I want to appreciate it. Maybe I’m not looking in the right places. Hmm...

How important is one’s age for acquiring experience? Does experience inevitably go hand in hand with age? Especially in this time period, in a city like Bangalore. Does my dad know more about mistakes made in the teenage or do I? He has experience; he has been through it himself, and also seen dozens of others through it. He has had two decades to reflect upon it. I, on the other hand, have just about crossed it. Or so I believe. But I claim to know more about the attitude of teenagers today and thus their mistakes, than my father. Am I right? I wonder if I’m going to contradict myself once I have had two decades to reflect upon these years.

Why is it so difficult to be different? Why does almost everything I see around me belong to one category- ‘ordinary’? It wonders me- it should actually be the opposite, right? Isn’t it always difficult for everything to be same? Isn’t it difficult for 20 dancers to synchronise? It’s impossible for two people to think in the same exact way. Still there are few who are ‘different’. Why are multi millionaires so rare? Why is ‘doing-things-differently’ considered great? Why am I always looking for that something ‘different’? Everyone knows what being ‘different’ means, everyone wants to be different. ‘Alag’. Still no luck. What’s the point?

I think I think a lot. I’ve been told that- a lot of times. Even that parrot-astrologer team said that I think “too much”. Hehe...also, I ask a lot of questions. Apparently I’m very moody. I didn’t know that. Till I became moody. Or so I believe. If it is that I have always been moody, it just reminds me of the things that I am, and not know of. I have never really known myself- bhavana has, though. She wrote ‘moodiest person I know’ in one of the greeting cards she gifted me-ages before I knew I was a moody person. I frowned innocently at that phrase then, but now I know. I wonder if my mother knows me. I wonder if I’m different with my friends than I am at home. I don’t know. I wonder if this has anything got to do with the fact that I’m a Gemini. Feels good to have an excuse :)

Yesterday I suddenly remembered my late night walks with mama. My legs would cry- trying to hold up my weight- but it was worth it. Those were the times that I actually spoke to him- he was himself- free and fun- the one person I miss a lot in my life. He was the person back then who made the effort to pretend to/ actually take me seriously. He expects something of me, and when I am with him, I believe I can do it. He is one person very, very, very difficult to impress, or be complimented by, and I will always remember that he gave me an A+ when I asked him to ‘critique’ me. Of course, after that he told me one million things that I might go wrong with in my life- but I believed that I could overcome them because he believed I could. Wow. A strong burst of warmth comes to my heart every time I think of him.

I feel like I am already one generation behind the youngsters of today. Or rather, they are one generation ahead of me. It’s rather irritating to see where people of Bangalore are headed- attitude wise. School kids are corrupted. Latest I heard- kids of class 8 place mirrors on the floor at girl’s desks. You know what I did when I was in class 8?? I looked like a maid servant’s daughter, sang happily in the corridors, played dumb charades in class, and participated in the rangoli competition. What’s happening today? Make-up. Waxing. Razor hair-cut. Style. Sex. Yes, I have heard school kids use that word in a manner that even I will not. They’re 14 years old for god’s sake! How did we come to this? Is this what ‘metropolitan’ means? Is this what ‘smart kid’ means? Kids bunking school to watch a movie at pvr! I think the worst thing still is the fact that we cannot do anything. When children grow up in an environment where life is expensive and they can afford it, I think it’s the worst thing that can happen to them. I didn’t know the meaning of the rudest words in the English language till about 6 months back. I used to wonder if I was embarrassing to others- worst even- to me. Not anymore.

My friend recently gifted me a tinkle. I felt so warm. I wonder if the stories in the tinkle have changed. I still remember a few stories from the tinkles I read when I was a kid. The tsunami one, the one where the rich guy teaches the poor guy how to fish instead of giving him a fish to eat, the one about a boy with butter fingers, the suppandi ones, and so many more. I think we adults should once in a while go back to such simple activites of our childhood. It helps understand where we stand today, and remind ourselves that everything can be simple still. I gifted my brother a bow and arrow made of bamboo on his birthday, and a piece of paper I made for another’s birthday. I just absolutely love making gifts for people. It’s the most inexpensive gift you can give yourself :)

I have to draft three plates today. I’m still very cool. Wonder how. Maybe because it’s tangible work. Something measurable. Not like third week at design studio. It’s amusing, how I tend to calm down when I know exactly what is needed to be done, even though I might enjoy working on design more than building construction. Naveen was talking about some senior in college today- “She’s in final year and she still has such interest in bc that she actually drafts all her plates..”. What does ‘still’ mean? Why do people in general lose interest in drafting bc by the time they reach fourth year? Should they? Why is there always a difference between what should be done and what is happening? Is it universal? Do I ask too many questions?

I want to watch tv at 5. The time is five to five. What could I possibly write about in five minutes? Five minutes comes across as such a small period of time...there are a lot of things that can be done in one minute, let alone five. For example, typing a message. Or tying your shoe laces. Or searching my entire room for my pen drive (on a weekday morning, that is. It would take me an entire Sunday in peaceful circumstances). See, only three of five minutes up. I still have time. Hehe..my brain is blank. I don’t understand it when people say they go blank the moment someone asks them to say something about something specific. Like- “what’s your opinion on the third week of deliberations of the fifth round table conference?”---”er...”! Amazingly, I still have thirty seconds to go! Nothing else to do, so I’ll buzz off!

I like the word ‘random’. It’s so cool. So powerful and simple at the same time. It is the difference between a mugger and a clever chap. It’s ok if you don’t dig. Chill madi. I have a history with these kinds of phrases. Throughout school and college, these catch words have always been around as the language of that time...”nin tale kayi bajji”, “addjusht”, “halli guggu”, “fine, ok?!!”, “crap!”, “nin muthi!”, “too much ma!”, “ehao”, and many more. Wonder if we can keep track of time with respect to these phrases? What if it becomes something like a fashion trend, which repeats itself in due time? If we made calendars based on these catch words, we would be wrapping time around a circle...no end or beginning...quite like it already is, don’t u think?

I was watching ‘Chhoti si baat’ a few days back...such an innocent, warm movie. It reflects the state of our society at that point of time- the offices, the ways of life...i don’t think I can find a movie with such a simple heart now- now it’s all about the bikinis and the love making scenes. Even good movies like munnabhai are different from the old ones- the problems, the obstacles, the plots are different. Earlier problems would be the rich girl’s dad or poverty. Today they are about the corrupt government, infidelity, and the hero’s own wicked brother. It’s about murder, about arguments between a couple. I think the problems of today have climbed up the ladder of basic needs: they start after the fundamentals have been attained. Or have they? Are they reflecting the progress our country is achieveing? Why are sooraj barjatya’s movies outdated? Why is a robbery by blind men more of a plot than a bride getting burnt? Are we just trying to be creative and not repeat the same masala? Is that not affecting the mindset of the society? Or are we really changing? Will we ever get back that innocence? amol palekar. I think he’s the king of simplicity- his movies make me want to live back then, when people could be trusted, when independence was not the aim of one’s life.

Is it really a small world? There are lots of incidents that affirm the faith. There are also a lot of facts that do not let us believe. Really, some things are totally upto us. We cannot control occurances; but we can choose to expect them, or be surprised. Which is better? What is ‘better’?

It’s been crazy this week- full day for 5 days, and an additional class on the sixth. It’s not that there’s no “time”, but I miss the ‘day’ part of the day. I come home at 5 if I leave college immediately after class, and by the time I look here and there, its dark. I don’t exactly have a problem with the dark, but I miss sitting at my table looking at the fields. I call it my ‘high seat’. Sitting there makes me forget about the ‘deadlines’. Sitting there makes me want to explore at leisure. Chill. Make a study model. Paint. Read. But of course, soon it’s going to be dark. I miss the holidays.

I think the people of my class (or at least a majority of them) have finally discovered the computer. Graphic skills. Photoshop. Jpeg. Images. Cad to revit. 3d-max to rhino. Nice. Ive been opened to the world of erasable lines too. It’s fun. And easy. But I still cannot think on the computer. Not that anybody is asking me to, I can always sketch. In the head, cad seems easier. I’m afraid of being so dependent on something.

How is a design process initiated? What are we expected to do or start with? The design faculty we have been dealing with for the past semesters has had strong yet varied ideas of a design ‘start’. Not even once have we agreed with them. No, I think once, just once. When prashanth sir was our lecturer. That design interaction and learing, I think, has been the most effective and exciting way of the beginning, progress, and completion of a design problem. What is the aim of a first desk review? To put forward the general wanderings of the mind with respect to an aspect of the problem, or is it the fundamental laying down of logistics, and starting with arriving at a site in a complex? Are we expected to come up with a ‘concept’ three days after the program was given? A concept is an idea; it has to strike. Maybe it’s foolish to just wait for an idea to strike. But then what’s the point of a desk review of a project, which provides general information? I think I can go on and on. Wht’s the point? I have to have something on paper to show them for the next design class. It’s the same story. Every semester. Is this the way to learn architecture? Or is it the way to learn architecture?

It is inevitable. It is progress. Watch monalisa smile, and you’ll know what I’m talking about. The loud cry of ‘culture’, ‘society’ and stuff that we keep defending India with, is about to vanish. The substance is about to be lost, and we must accept it. Why is every girl in our country married before 25 years of age? Society. Culture. That’s what we say. It’s changing. It is freedom. It’s funny, the way its meaning changes with progress. I think the American society looks at us like we are far behind, under developed..we look at them as they are too different. They are not different; they are forward. We’re on our way there. We must accept that. Multiple marriages, self centered lives. We have been living our lives for others all these years- parents live to give birth to their kids, and the kids live to continue that. The woman lives for the upbringing of her children, and the father lives to feed them. The children grow up to fulfill their duties- continue their father’s life. Suddenly when one such kid stands up and says I want to be an engineer and not a farmer, he’s a traitor. He used to be. It’s beginning to be accepted these days- the children do what they want to do, u cannot decide for them. Parents are left where they are because the kid starts living not for them, but for himself. Tomorrow, the Indian woman is going to live for herself. It is inevitable. Is it freedom? Is it progress?

I wonder if I should create a blog. Im curious to see if people are curious enough to read my blog as it is today- a jumble of thoughts. Maybe I’ll be one more blog for people to pass by till they click on ‘next blog’. I dunno.

The wires at the backside of my computer create quite a maze...a dirty one, too...covered with dust..Sometimes I wonder how India would be without dust. No visible earth. No dharti. I don’t know whether I would like that. I’m still on the hunt for things that create a feeling of indianness.

They said provide excess storage to avoid clutter. I think there is more than excess storage facility in my room. Yet it is eternally cluttered. I don’t get it. What does ‘clutter’ mean? Things lying around on the bed? Or just about anything out of its place? Wht if something does not have an assigned place? Like my cell phone? Or my jacket?

Ive been thinking about the character of the clothes that I wear. What is it that makes them my clothes? What is ‘me’? What kind of character do I want my clothes to have? Indian? Contemporary Indian? Modern Indian? Comfortable? My clothes today are a collection of colours that seem ‘comfortable’ to my eyes. I never buy things that ive seen a model wear. I have clothes ranging from ‘truly Indian goody girl’ to ‘comfortable contemporary international woman’. What am I? What do I want to be?

What’s with the night and panic for every Indian woman? Why are we made to fear the dark? Why does 7pm go hand in hand with “GET THE HELL HOME AS SOON AS YOU CAN!!”? Does this time address more to the Indian housewife who is supposed to be at home before her husband gets there? Or is it addressing the undeniable fact that we are, after all, women; and that we aren’t safe outside in the night? This argument is beyond the point of injustice- im asking for reasoning. Why don’t we shift our timings so that the sun rises at 8 and sets at 9? Wouldn’t that prove to be a lot more productive and livable? How about daylight savings? Or is it that we attach too much sentiment with the ‘rising of the sun’ and cannot think of it as something that can be humanly modified? We’re still living in the tenth century.

I dont usually finish up all my pocket money for a month.. I keep some for the petrol till the last day...like i had a hundred for today but i didnt need it. So i treated myself to some ice cream...i dont think u know, but i eat ice cream very often, and alone. Everybody else thinks its crazy to eat alone, but i think it's a nice experience. I love the startled looks on people's faces...i usually give them looks like "hello, is something the matter?" hehe.... Life’s good fun...