It’s been a huge ride, this- B.Arch has given me one hell of an experience; every high and low one can think of. I have travelled the country, been understood and misunderstood, felt lonely and crowded, been written off and hailed to glory, been invisible and recognized- all at the same time. When work was crap, I was into volleyball- there I was ‘famous’; everybody knew and wanted to know me. When I got back into the studio, I was invisible again; nobody cared. It was a funny ride; memorable nonetheless- time well spent.

I have realized recently that everything in life is a phase. Everything comes to pass. No phase repeats; there is no absolute truth- no absolute value. Nothing remains from one to another; only memories, and those too, if you allow them. I seem to be a different person in each phase; different circumstances that define the phase seem to define me, too. Right now, I am standing at the end of one; I am waiting for another to begin. Something is missing; something is out of place. There are a few people who try to smuggle themselves into more than a phase; they are amused by the difference in me. I do not understand- feel like I am at the hands of some absurd power that I cannot see; something that makes ‘life’ what it is. I don’t know how to understand this word- ‘life’; maybe it’s a string of continuous phases- maybe the only thing common with all these phases is in fact, life itself.

Today I was asked to design a farm house for a family friend, and for a bizarre ten seconds, I sensed a void in me- felt like I was asked to ‘design’ after a long time. Felt like asking a fundamental question- felt like looking up the meaning.. I felt something similar when we were asked to ‘study’ for first semester structures- I had forgotten how to ‘study’. That was amusing, but this is dangerous.

“Imagination is primary; knowledge is secondary।”

When I am overwhelmed with emotion and don’t know what to do with it, I write. I don’t know where the words come from; it’s almost like I am in a sub-conscious state- nice state to be in! hehe... I have never really been able to pin down the source of what we call ‘ideas’- where do they come from? And why do they arrive like a hurricane in the head, and leave us all excited? What is it? Is it a function of one’s persona? Then why is unexplainable? Is it a ‘property’?

There are some people that you come across in life, and they never leave you the same. All they have to do is be themselves; and their impact on us is un-imaginary, unparalleled. Its amusing, really- it’s very, very rare; I am glad for the existence of these... one such is a colleague- shiny. You just have to be with her for ten minutes, and you immediately feel like putting her in a glass box to safeguard her; she is too precious to be lost into this world- although it is this very world that made her. She gives me hope- to be appreciated for what you are; and not evaluated at the same scale as the rest of the world. Patri se hatke bahut kam log soch paate hain- kho na jaayen ye- tare zameen par.

I have experienced the purest and deepest form of friendship once; something that I will cherish all my life... Time, though, is slowly etching off the soft memory; soon it will be a story I tell my disinterested grandchildren...I have realized, lately, that nobody really cares. Nobody really wants to know the depths of a person anymore; nobody understands either. Memories and how they make that person are meant for that person alone. Maybe except your parents. I do not know where they get it from- the unconditional concern and love; I cannot ever see myself being as selfless. Ever.

I like writing about writing, reading about reading, and talking about talking. Nobody does that. I remember doing something similar in a ‘creative’ writing competition in school- I ‘creatively’ wrote about creative writing! I narrated a story of two teachers in school judging a creative writing competition, and how they didn’t understand an entry which ‘creatively’ wrote about creative writing. Hehe... I had SO much fun writing it; I made that particular entry win the first prize in my story- ‘creative’, don’t you think? hehe...

I read an interesting editorial the other day; it spoke of how architecture, more than anything else, is about conviction. It spoke of how ‘accountability’ of built ceases to be entertained once the building is complete. “Where is the factor of responsibility for what one has built post its being built? It seems enough for the architect to have just ‘built’. Period. In their blinkered path to being responsible for their architecture, architects find comfort behind ignorant clients. Historically, true architecture has always been dependant on the conviction in design of its creator. It is this conviction that makes the Taj what it is.”

It is funny how we’re so attached to certain things; I have this over sized sweater that I cannot seem to let go of- It’s my dad’s sweater, and I wear it every evening at home for the colder half of the year. Must wash it sometime, eh? :)

I just finished the last paper of B.Arch today. CA902- Architectural Design- 18 hours, completed in three sittings of 6 hours each. Sounds scary, eh? Hehe... It was fun. Design exams for me are always ‘walk-in’; a good clear (empty) head is the ‘preparation’. :)

Ants retrace the same locus in return mode. I do, too. I don’t know why.

Australian Open has begun. It’s the same problem every year- starts just when you realize there is no time to watch TV. Or rather there should be no time to watch TV. I remember Akhila cribbing about this very thing years ago, when I was helping her with her thesis work. Wonderful lady, Akhila. She’s so warm and friendly; “ANY doubts, you can always call me”, she assures me every time I call. She was the one who asked me to apply to Mindspace; I owe it to her, this entire internship success. It makes me want to be a good senior to my junior. I must treat her some day.

If you draw a graph of the life of a rechargeable battery versus the number of times it is (re)charged, it’s an exponential curve; and at one point, the life simply reduces to a minimum. I have had the same experience with my cell, camera and cordless phone. I would rather buy a new battery rather than re-re-re-re-recharge it and have a life of two minutes. Hu-uh.

I am writing after a very long time. A lot of things have happened; a lot has come to pass. I remember writing a ‘To think about’ list on the front page of my universal book- Thesis topic, Internship, ‘aim’ in life, further studies, etc. It all happened suddenly; one thing followed another, and now its time to look back. Well, almost. I am two weeks away from my thesis viva, secured a place in one of the most coveted firms in Bangalore, have a certain agenda chalked out, and am actually thinking about masters. Not bad. Come to think of it, I don’t think there was any other way for it to be, other than ‘not bad’.

People say I have changed; I think I can feel it myself. Smitha thinks it’s because there are so many things going on in my life that I am not handling all the load well.. I have grown quieter; I don’t need ‘friends’ anymore- I think I have gotten used to being alone. Yeah. I remember telling Mudasir that I wanted to stop laughing as much; I use to laugh a little too much. Change is good, they say.

It’s heartbreaking to not be understood by your own.

To be well read does not demand specifics; yet most ‘well read’ people seem to be blissfully oblivious of major chunks of society. Why is this world so huge? Why does it seem impossible these days, to be a Michelangelo? Why does even the idea seem ridiculous? I want to be a Leonardo Da Vinci - painter, sculptor, architect, scientist, mathematician, everything! I didn’t want to choose between physics and architecture; I had to. And now I am at a point where I cannot think of going back- maybe it’s the ‘structured-ness’ of education that’s taking up my life- ‘self-taught’ has been forced extinct.

I am addicted to Vaseline.

I am totally amused by the way my brother looks at things. His glasses are so analytical; ‘everything has a logical explanation behind it’...Why is the right striker in football paid higher than the one on the left? Why are female models paid higher than the male? Why is cost a good indication of things? Why does the market act in a manner that it does? EVERYTHING has a logical explanation; I am beginning to understand it. It is one of the boons of having a psycho genius for a brother.

I saw the advertisement of TATA TISKON STEEL on my way back home the other day; the concept was simple- they used comparison. 90 percent of the ad area was covered by the image of a pretty girl; introducing her, and adding below that being a fitness freak, her ‘weak point’ is fried food. Then, in a small strip of space left over at the bottom right corner, there was an image of a steel rod, announcing that this did not have any ‘weak point’. See now, I understand the idea, but it is not that effective, somehow. It feels like it was a good try at an ad; something that missed the cross hair. Wonder how differently they could have presented the same idea.

The whole world seems to want to lose weight. I, for one, don’t understand how ‘not eating’ is an option for our bodies. Personally, I cannot seem to get around it. I am addicted to food; for me, ‘not eating’ is not an option that works. Because I can’t not eat. Just can’t.

I have been watching a lot of ‘friends’ these past few days. I’m scarily similar to Monica.

I have been officially appointed my sister-in-law’s stylist. I am to take charge of her appearance- I have to pick out clothes for her; design her outfits and buy her shoes. It’s like dressing a Barbie doll. Only I think she’s prettier...I’M LOVING IT! :)

Standing at the end of my five years of undergraduate education, I felt like it was time to ‘reflect’ upon the times gone by; thinking of the things we learnt in the studio to the things we almost learnt..Hehe...it has been fun. Although, I don’t think I would want to live them again. Like school. I loved it; but I don’t want to go back...It is amusing to stand at this point in life, where everything is going to change in a matter of a few months; and I have NO IDEA what it’s going to be like.

A big stationery store is opening near my home- I could not be happier. I have always LOVED stationery and anything to do with it; have immensely enjoyed the Need For Stationery as an architecture student. NFS...hehe..

This phenomenon of the computer ‘hanging’ is so absurdly described...‘hung’...hehe...I wonder who attached this word. It’s not very imagination-friendly; and so are so many other terms used in the ‘computer world’—-‘windows’. Haha...The first time I heard my brother use the term, I kept imagining a big window in the wall, and packets of information- like chits- being thrown in and out...I used to think, ‘How can they possibly think THIS is more efficient??’ hehe...

Why are we supposed to change our clothes before we go to bed? ‘Because they’re comfortable’-->Does that mean that what we wear all day is uncomfortable? Why is there a constant war between ‘fashion’ and ‘comfort’?

When god created this world, he made one mistake. He should have devised for us, a better way to travel. Physical movement is really, really irritating.

I designed a logo for my brother’s blog. I really like it- very simple, yet ground breaking. Feels good. :)

We keep saying, “The pen is mightier than the sword” and the like- simply put, it’s the ability to reach out to the masses, right? It’s the large numbers that we are overwhelmed by; no one would care about a newspaper if only ten people read it. If five people are interested in what you say, it’s not a big deal. If the entire country is interested in what you say, it is a big deal. ‘You’ve got the power.’ I wonder what the understanding of ‘power’ was back in the Stone Age.

It’s also amusing how everything thickens if it involves large masses. Say a birthday party. Let’s say I have invited ten friends over for lunch. It’s nice and warm; a couple of my friends who don’t like tomato sauce on their sandwiches can ask my mom to make a few without the sauce, and when anyone wants a bigger glass of juice, they can have it. Now imagine a party with 200 guests. Everyone gets the same sandwich and the same glass; the likes/dislikes of the individual basically go to hell. This is only with reference to food- this happens EVERYWHERE; ‘planning’ comes into the picture- we’re making new rules to make things simpler to plan, execute and handle- while losing out on primary choices. At this point on the earth, I don’t think we have much choice left.

Rithvik does not speak or understand Hindi. It’s shocking, actually. I think this is the first Indian I have met that does not know the language.

These final submissions are driving me crazy. I just feel like sleeping now and getting up in the last week of January...

I have been cooking. And very unexpectedly, I am having fun! I love the various aromas; I am amused by how differently we can chop vegetables and how correspondingly the method of their cooking differs- I am enjoying the process...Every vegetable, every spice and every leaf has a distinct aroma, a distinct flavour- its wonderful, really, to see how two different flavours come together- I have been experimenting- left, right and centre- cooking ROCKS! :)

We WON the tournament held in RV today!! I cannot believe it- I as captain, lifted the trophy- oh, it was brilliant! And we didn’t win because we gave ourselves a good fixture- we played league, and we won by beating ALL. Fair and square. The best possible way of ending my volleyball days in college- could not have asked for a better win- more importantly, a better team. We all sang it- ‘Hum huve kaamiyaab- AAJ KE DIN!’ hehe...Now, I have something to tell my grandchildren! :D

When you’re carrying a camera with you, trying to capture the moments of life, I believe that there is no such thing as ‘too much’. I don’t think anyone can take too many photographs- no matter how many photographs you take, you are still capturing only a part of the reality...Ten years later, every moment captured will be precious- more the better!

Diwali was great fun. Watching the *two great movies* was the highlight. I like Jab We Met more than both.

I visited a place recently that I had visited once as a kid; a park as a venue for a drawing competition- I think I was in 6th or 7th standard...I was with my school friends then- I remember Manjunath most distinctly. We used to call him ‘koli’; I have NO idea why. Hehe...I haven’t met him in 8 years now; he moved to Bihar as soon as we completed primary school. I wonder what he is doing these days- He was my dearest friend; I hope to bump into him on the street someday...The world isn’t really that big a place, you know..:)

I think the word ‘safety-pin’ is a bit out of context to its use. ‘Safety’? really? I wonder.

On the way back home today, I witnessed a minor accident ahead of me- a truck scraping the side of a stationery bus while getting around it. I was behind a car which was immediately behind the bus; the incident was to change the fate of that man in the car- he was about to be two hours late to wherever he was headed. Such rotten luck. And to think it was in NO WAY his fault. The same with all vehicles headed in the direction of the spot- terrible, terrible mess. If carefully seen, though, these kinds of incidents also provide a variety of entertainment; the two victims screaming at each other, neither listening- background music provided by the honking vehicles waiting for a clear road, and onlookers occasionally walking up to the scene with bitti gyaan. There are some things we should just laugh off, I guess. But then, it’s really not possible at that moment, being in the driver’s seat of that car.

I think the time of the KHANS is over. The time of the Kapoors is here. Shahid, Kunal, Ranbir, Sonam, Kareena.

I like the semi colon; it brings a wonderful sense of continuity to a sentence- I like playing with the semi colons and the hyphens; they make for very effective dramatization tools.

Riding with meeta on the bike to college for volleyball practice 6 30 in the morning makes for the best memories ever. Hehe...It is funny how women never run out of topics to talk about..even on a bike in killer wind.

I really like ‘kaka-angadis’; they are these really tiny miscellaneous shops most visible on the outskirts of the city...Hardly 2m x 3m in plan, they are capable of stuffing a lot more than you think. They ALL look more or less the same; a row of glass jars along the front facade, placed over a counter which is unusually high..a thousand small plastic packets of chips, gems, and the like- hanging from a corner- effectively all these result in you never being able to see the ‘kaka’...There is something nostalgic about them; I feel good every time I visit one. Maybe because they’re gonna be extinct soon.

Every second person I meet in Bangalore is a software engineer. Softie, to be precise. :)

I wonder who invented the concept of ‘mass-bunk’. It’s awesome! Hehe...it’s the biggest and most relieving escapist activity EVER. We’re ALL looking to escape, aren’t we? Why is it always easier to do the wrong thing? Why is it always difficult to do the right thing? Why does it need courage to stand up for what is right? If it were simpler to do the right thing, no one would do the wrong thing in the first place! Imagine- it would be a nice, warm world...

Development of design intent into the architectural form is one big roller coaster ride. Somehow, all through the past few years, I have not been able to categorize or tabulate; there is no one ‘certain path’. Somehow, every project offers different sets of variables- time, mood, friends, weather, pressure, expectation, and help. For every new set of combination, a new process seems to have dawned. Maybe it will stabilize once I start working with a certain fixed set of people.

I love drawing architectural sections. I (more often than not) start arriving at my built form through sections. Its fun, and somehow the whole site is not stuffed in your face. You’re taking one plane at a time, and simplifying the issue; seems more effective to me.

“The worst thing you could say about an architect is that he/she is not well read.”

Diwali is here. I am slowly beginning to realize that good times don’t just happen- you have to make them happen- you have to take initiative; you have to make it a big deal.

Kunal kapoor deals with instant celebrity status by constantly telling himself- “It’s not you, but the people around you that have changed.”

My next design review is on 30 th. They gave us a list of ‘requirements’- Seemed like they wanted us to have everything- the entire design finalized, thought over, and drawn. What is the point of the review? Maybe later they will expect a different level of detail, I guess.

I think that of all the time we have spent in college, this semester has been the best. Of course there are the weekly doses of ‘pep talk’, but then we know its all in our best interest; only we are a bit mad...This, does not, however deter the feeling of coming to college only twice a week- and it feels so good that we come to college for some serious, directional work. We are not made to come to college and attend lectures that don’t matter much, or those we can’t resist sleep in- we actually come to college with a certain agenda- a discussion- and we all know we need it. It’s nice NOT to be worrying about the ACM drafting class after the design studio; not worried about the structures test tomorrow- not crib about our date with the dingy lecture hall in the basement. Good times, these.

It is getting colder. I am so ‘happieee’, because now I can wear all my jackets! I love jackets- and own about fifteen of them! I guess it comes from a need to layer- somehow I like the concept a lot. I love layering- and I can see myself try everywhere- clothing, presentation, sketching...I think it creates interest, most primarily, and also helps make things rich with detail- its not easy to break down and understand quickly what is presented; you like the way it looks, and you realize that you have to give this more time and attention before you ‘understand’ it.

The other day my friend was commenting on my ‘loafing-around-the-city’ skills- ‘It’s either next to her house, near banashankari, or it is north Bangalore!’ Hehe..

I don’t like to share food. I don’t share ice cream.

This concept of a horn is a bit crazy. See now, its primary function is to make a certain sound when the rider wants to communicate with the person riding in front of him. And that’s what usually happens- except when people bash into you from the side. This is an extremely rare case of traffic chaos in the world, abundantly present in India. And when you horn so as to warn the guy on your side, the guy in the front turns back and gives you the ‘look’. We should probably create the concept of ‘side horn’.

They’re trying to make the concept of ‘oil champi’ before hair wash ‘cool’. What with deepika pudukune saying it with pretty eye make-up and all.

Yesterday in class, I was explaining to Janice how she lies on the line in between ‘pretty’ and ‘beautiful’. I explained to her my theory of expression of beauty and charm- I call it the ‘deeper than the shallow skin theory’. ‘Pretty’ comes with a certain degree of ‘airheadness’- Janice is not an air-head. Then again, ‘beautiful’ comes with words like ‘unapproachable’, and ‘museum exhibit’. But Janice is very much accessible and a lot of fun- so that’s how she lies on the line in between ‘pretty’ and ‘beautiful’. Hehe...She almost hit me with the set square~!

I don’t know why things start with a bang and then fade slowly into darkness. Take orkut for example. In the beginning it was a craze- people formed thousands of communities- and now look- there’s hardly any activity going on. If we drew a graph of activity versus time, it would be an exponential curve, downwards. Wonder why. Consistency. Maybe it’s the same logic of ‘It’s easy to make a promise, but immensely difficult to follow it through’...When we fade out of one, the other ones surface; and the same repeats. Is that why they say ‘history repeats itself’?

These fashion ‘forecasts’ are crazy. I refuse to ‘get’ them - WHO decides what is IN fashion and what is OUT-OF fashion? Everything seems to be coming round- my mom laughs at our lack of originality...What is ‘IN’ now, is what was ‘IN’ even when she was a teenager- ‘Nothing great in the human race having had 25 years to evolve- we’ve arrived at the same thing!’

I have never applied make-up on my face. Till today. Eye pencil. I wonder if it’s the age factor- the older you get, the more make-up you start applying... It amuses me to see how ALL women are scared of growing old. EVERYONE wants to ‘stay young’. ‘18 till I die’.

I was giving physics ‘gyaan’ to my friend over chat yesterday- reminded me of the times I used to hang out in the yahoo physics chat room- we were a wonderful set of psychos; nothing else but ‘miscellaneous’ to describe us--> school kids, accomplished businessmen, architecture students looking for a ‘break’, misled stalkers, time-passers, genuine physicists, losers, and pick pockets- ALL came together to discuss the string theory. Of course, the theory also included unexpected and sometimes undesirable field trips into random talk- hehe- but it was fun altogether. I don’t think I will get to experience that again. But I will surely tell my grandchildren about it. :)

I saw three movies in the last four days.

Yesterday night I went up to the terrace to bring down the clothes that were hung out to dry. It’s a nice place, my terrace- has a lovely view of the lake close to my home, and a continuous breeze. It’s most wonderful at night. I was almost done, and suddenly I heard someone singing. It was a beautiful voice; I couldn’t recognize the hindi song- someone’s fingers on the tabla supported the wonderful sound..I was simply rooted at the spot for a whole minute- felt strangely satisfied. I hope it’s not someone from my ‘pichla janam’, calling out to me..! :)

Smitha says she didn’t like staying in the US because the place has no ‘character’. She says that every lane, every block, and every city is the very same! In India, though, things are VERY different. Each Indian city feels, looks, and smells different. Or maybe did.

I hate medicines. I hate having to swallow tablets; I STRONGLY believe in the ability of the human body to repair itself. :)

The basic idea of ISKCON is to try and get all human form to realize its most basic purpose. Now they say that human life goes beyond the ‘circle of life and death’, and the basic aim of life should be the understanding of HOW to get away from this endless cycle. The questions, they say, have to be evoked; and this is not going to happen while we’re busy earning a living. The concept of God, as I understand it, comes only later- that God knows the way out of this cycle, and we should hence worship and love him to be given direction. I wonder if this is the fundamental point of ALL faith. All religion. Darwin’s theory is not too different from the journey of Vishnu and his incarnations on earth- both speak of the evolving form of life. I wonder what will happen if we ‘understand all’. Life won’t be exciting no more, eh? :)

Smitha almost bought me a whole stationary shop back from ammmeeerikaa...Not that those things are GREAT, but that they are not so easily available here. Very small things; new things. It’s very hard to explain to someone WHAT to bring when want ALL stationery- hehehe- but she took it well, and did a wonderful job! :)

My room being on the ground floor is like the worst boon ever. Half the things that fill it up are things that have no specific appointed place in the rest of the house, and conveniently find ‘perfect’ place in my room. Newspaper stacks, extra large and rarely used utensils, the vacuum cleaner, phone directories, guest bed sheets, first aid kit, post office stuff, etc are just some off the list. No wonder all of MY stuff falls off onto the ground!

Pink is officially the colour of the semester. Certainly.

I don’t know what the problem is with being specific. If someone asks me for the time, I like to be accurate. If someone asks me for the dimension of the tile, I like to be specific. ‘How long do you think this rope is?’—‘Hmmm...Maybe one and quarter metre?’. People frown at me when I give them accurate dimensions. For example, this rope- my brain is telling me that it’s longer than a metre, but not long enough to be one and a half times a metre; thus roughly, it should be one and a quarter. Simple. WHY do people look at me like I were a freak when I do that? They say I am ‘too specific’! It’s the ladder case that my mother talks about.

I want to learn the violin all over again. Damn. I wonder why we get these obsessions in cycles- quarterly, monthly, and the like. I guess this is a different form of ‘hype’.

While watching the cricket match yesterday, I realized that a certain patch of grass was tailored to advertise- the amusing part being that these cater to the audiences watching from their homes--The written matter was looking perpendicular to the camera (which made an angle of about 40 degrees with the ground plane). I wonder how they plot these points on the ground before they start painting.

I have to start getting my portfolio together. I know that its going to be last minute again- and I want to avoid that. But somehow, I can see it coming.