Yesterday I watched a travel show on television where the host(an Indian) travels to Pakistan in search of his dad’s old home. They lived on the other side of the border once; escaped to India a month into the partition- to survive. The host of the show had caught hold of a map of undivided India, and we could see the whole of what once was Punjab. With a simple crease of his nail, he showed us where the international border stands today. Such a simple thing, a curved line. It changed the fate of millions. Tens of thousands were killed. Killed, just because some rich guy in warm clothes sitting on expensive teak in a hill station drew the line on paper. Pakistan, come to think of it, was a part of us once- our brothers; just detached. What caused the hatred were the deaths; and the want to find someone responsible for the deaths- the other country. Even to this day, we hold ‘the other country’ responsible for the tragedy; and vice versa. Who was actually responsible?? Jinnah? ONE SINGLE PERSON?

I am known to be capable of writing round-round, confusing and extremely non-articulate sentences in English language; famous to have the ability to write a thesis for anything, in short. I am trying to not come across as someone to whom not only is the point invisible, but also tries to make it invisible to all. Hehe...Recently I surprised everyone with just four sentences in my thesis synopsis (ironic, is it, now? :)

We keep saying things like ‘You should have value for money’...See now, let’s consider a guy who is earning a lot of money based on his talent and intelligence. Now, if he does spend a fortune on his floaters, why do we look down upon him saying he has no value for money? What does ‘value for money’ imply? Having respect for money? Just because he spends the money, does not mean he has no respect for it. What should ‘respect for money’ imply? Its just that when such a person is viewed with the backdrop of a less fortunate, it seems like a sad story. Somehow the rich chap is turned to the not-so-positive side. I wonder...

I collect all kinds of random, crazy(to the non-creative) stuff all the time. yellow threads, pins with rounded ends, ink pads, metal wires, beads, colourful stones, ribbons, leftover pieces of cloth from my tailor, thermocole balls, needles, clips, pots, wooden handles for bags, shells, carved stamps of wood, sponge, jute threads, etc. When I am buying them, I have no idea where/when/why/how I will be using them. But then, one day dawns when these bits of ‘useless junk’ fit beautifully into an application which has ‘something missing’. Hehe...

I have started looking up universities in India and abroad for further studies. The thing is, I want to end up as a designer, not only an architect- so there are endless things I want to learn. Product, fashion, textile, urban, jewellery, graphic, landscape, interior, management. Hmm...

Getting even a simple thing done from a government facility is such a frustrating experience. More than anything else, the attitude is irritating. The minute you say ‘Govt.’, you know its not going to be easy. The other day my mom and I were in a local bank to draw DDs for my college fee. They flatly refused to do the job saying they were under-staffed. Now who’s problem is that? MINE? Why should I be denied a basic facility because their attitude sucks? When we pleaded with the manager saying it was the question of my studies and that it was urgent, he pounced on us saying everyone here comes with an urgent job. Now how is this my fault? Why is that guy screaming at me?? That’s India. There are two solutions- go the Gandhi way, and shame the guy into doing his work right, or open an account with a private bank. The Gandhian way wastes a lot of your time, but teaches the chap a lesson of a lifetime. Privatization means efficiency, but no one is doing your job fast because they want to, but its all about the money. Humanity is lost; money rules all. Its our choice. I know it- we would all go to the private bank. That’s why we are where we are today.

I love rain. On the way back home in the car yesterday, my eyes suddenly fell on the wipers. They do not have flat edges, but a concave profile. And their locus of movement is also a curve. A 3D curve. Imagine, for all points on the locus of the wiper blade, the curvature of glass has to be constant. That’s crazy meticulous! Are car glasses really designed like that? Maybe the wiper blades have flexible edges.

I am cleaning my room (at least trying to) again. It’s weird, how regularly we have to make efforts to clean the room, while it takes absolutely no effort for it to get dirty in the first place!

Its Saturday morning. Such a good feeling. We’ve started living on weekends. I remember telling smitha once- “Of course it shouldn’t matter if the engagement is on a weekend or not- its an important day in your life, and fixing the date should be more a function of your ease than of the invited guests.” Well, lets just say that things are not so simple anymore. Reminds me of Aurangabad.

Its Lord Krishna time. I have to study his ideologies, study what the ISKCON movement is about- I am designing a temple for ISKCON at kanakpura road, Bangalore. I am sure it will be an extremely interesting experience. While reading about the ISKCON board, I found that most of the top guys there are IITians. Immediately I thought- ‘Che, what a waste of genius..’ But then again, its waste for us. I think for them, its more like ‘being proud to dedicate yourself to the service of humanity..’ Maybe that’s what these Americans think when we Indians return from their top posts to Bharat. We’re proud to receive them; others think it’s a waste of human intelligence- ‘you could have gone places’. Hmm...

I bought a book yesterday- ‘The Social History of Indian Architecture’. Good book, this. It talks about Indian architecture with respect to function rather than style. Style is something everyone talks about. This is the first book of its kind. Rather expensive, though- 995 bucks! I saw another book that I really liked- ‘In style’. Hehe...

One of my ideas that I am proud of is the ‘lalbagh walk’. In a desperate attempt to find a cheap alternative and repetitive destination for catching up with friends, I suggested visiting lalbagh every Sunday morning at 6 30. Kaustubh and I discussed this first, and slowly I made it applicable to the newly found set of mad friends from BMS. They cribbed and cried, but I was what Manasi would call ‘Hitler Rani’(!!). Hehe...Slowly they started turning up- although late every time- but it was awesome fun. We used to pretend that we shed a kilo every week by jogging for a hundred metres. We followed more or less the same route every time- down the main path in the direction of the music- to the glass house- up the hillock- sit down on the stone with the skyline of Bangalore to the right; pretending to take a break from the rigorous workout- and happily walk back to the west gate arguing which cafe to visit for breakfast. We were almost twelve once; was a warm experience. Then most of them left to the US for masters’ degrees. I’d love to go back, but not alone. There has been an attempt, though, to revive the ‘tradition’, but there is no drive. People start giving excuses, and I hate that. Today is one such morning- I am ready to leave home at 6 15 (a little late, I admit), when people started pulling out. Che.

It’s thesis time. They say it is the most important project of your student life. It hasn’t hit me yet, I think. I’m just still unsure, vague, and doubtful. But I am beginning to realize that these thoughts have been in my mind for a long time now. Those of time, and how it effects everything- the idea of evolution with time- and those concerning the most important stamp of a Hindu society- the temple- escaping the fourth dimension still. Why do we build these temples today in hope of equaling them with those in the past? What is a temple of today?

Can a developing city be given architectural direction without being forced upon as law? Can the presence of one building be powerful enough to have following in the city’s smaller architecture? I think it can. Look at Ahmedabad. The staircase of the mill owner’s association is seen all over- it repeats itself in markets, apartments, shopping centres, etc. Its beautiful; makes me smile. Aurangabad. The chaitya arch. I am sure there are more. They give some hope to the city’s individuality in this ‘global’ time. Hmm...Never mind that now..

My brother’s latest craze is writing. He has started writing a blog, and the content is innocently funny. Witty, I could say. Brings out the most visible part of him. He gets around 150 hits everyday. Now that’s awesome. You know, its like this- if you want it done, if you want it to be famous, you have to shout from the roof tops. If you want to be read, you have to advertise. You cannot expect to be noticed if you sit there with what I call ‘modesty’. You cannot just post the url in some shady profile page and expect people to sit up. You have to walk to them. I think I’m not like that. I haven’t asked anybody to read my blog. I have just quietly posted it on my orkut page, and I expect people to miraculously come to know about it, and read it. Somehow I don’t want to be the one millionth person to ask you to “please read my blog”. But then if you want your blog to be read, you actually have to ask people to read it. Advertising. God..

The word file that I am writing this diary in has 36 A4 pages. Phew. I cannot believe I wrote this much. ‘One step at a time’...’बूँद बूँद मिलने से बनता एक दरिया है, बूँद बूँद सागर है, वरना ये सागर कया है. ..’ Maybe I should print this at the end of my life and call it my autobiography. It will be hugely unpopular, I think- endless stories of nothing in particular, written in extremely bad language- ‘pointless wanderings’, as my brother would maybe call it...

to read my brother's blog, click here.

Tomorrow is Nag-Panchami. I don’t know what the exact significance of this festival is- all I know is that its mehendi time! I remember being in Solapur for this festival about ten years back...how much I cried for a bigger mango on my palm! I think I’ve come far now- I draw mehendi on my mom’s hand now- I am the professional. I use cones now; my mom used sticks(parke-kaddi to be precise) then. We used to sit late into the night desperately trying for the mehendi paste to follow the locus created by the stick. Makes me smile.

I like writing in third person. I talk like that, too. Hehe...I love the confused look on the faces opposite mine- talking about the girl next to me, I say directly to her- ‘This girl is driving me crazy!!’ hahaha...fun...

I hate it when people use generic words when asked for an opinion. “What do you think of this design?”—-->“Hmmm...I like it.” Aaargghh. That is the most irritating reply to a question like that. What do you mean, you like it? WHAT about it did you like? I asked you what you thought of it, not if you liked it. Tch tch...

Why does every paragraph, every thought have to have a conclusion? I see that in all thoughts I have penned down, -although digitally- there is always an ending, a conclusion- each one ends with a general question, an analysis, a smile or ‘Hmmm...’. Why? Are we trained to even think in a particular format? See- even this thought seems to have an ending- a philosophical one- throwing a question at humanity! I am unable to finish this paragraph abruptly. There.

I recently finished reading the seventh and final book of the Harry Potter series. I like the way it is woven, but logic falters a bit here and there. My brother thinks the entire concept is very badly thought of. He asked me a simple question- ‘What is the cost of magic?’ Beautiful. Splendid question- the most fundamental flaw I can see. I like reading the books nonetheless; its something else that I read those books for. I wonder if it was my brother’s own question or was it from an article he had read earlier that day. Should one thing, written for one context, be evaluated by another that the thing does not concern?

My volleyball-playing days are over. I feel so sad. Captaining the volleyball team of the best college in the state was the peak of it all, I think. Graduating means saying goodbye to serious sport- practice and tournaments. Kinda depressing. Especially after watching ChakDe India. I cannot imagine how Nutan must be feeling; she was a national level hockey player once. :) I really hope my children love sport as much as my mom and I do- it’s an wonderfully spirited experience- its the best thing that can happen to you at the end of an extremely irritating day with the professors. :)

Why do we all smile while posing for a photograph? Does smiling make everyone look better or what?? Looking good is such an important thing. You cannot escape it. I don’t necessarily mean make-up, but styling, making of a personality. I saw a programme on discovery once- ‘Beautiful people are more easily befriended than others. Children respond better to a good looking person. Beautiful people are more successful than the others. Facts. Hmmm...

I have grown fat. Hehe... I think this is one sentence that has been said most number of times in the history of the language. Or maybe not in the entire history. People were not as obsessed with their weight about a couple of decades ago. This thing of ‘lose weight, keep fit->look good’ mantra is new. :)

My first live project is coming to a close. It’s been one hell of an experience...I’m so lucky to have had this chance at this age. Wow. I cannot explain how it feels to stand under the slab I’ve been imagining all of last year. Cannot explain how it felt to see the first course of the walls being laid. How it feels to give away the thing you have been so attached to, for so long. My first house. My first home. I named it after the lady of the house- it felt so good..Somehow, my parents and relatives do not understand how important this project is to me. My mom does not understand why I visit the site everyday when no work is being done. She doesn’t know why it is so urgent for me to see how much sunlight is being thrown on the floor from the openings. “It’ll be the same amount of light tomorrow also, you can see it then. If it is dark inside, there’s nothing you can do about it now. Leave it, there’s no time now.” I feel so sad that she doesn’t understand the urgency, the obsession...But I guess it’s okay- she’s not an architect herself... I wonder if every architect would feel the same way about his/her project, too.

You should be careful believing people who use superlatives often in their opinions. Everything is either ‘great’, ‘fabulous’, ‘terrible’, or ‘awesome’. How is it even possible?? Are there no grays? When you ask one such dude for a review of a movie, just be sure to dilute everything he says before you believe it. Better still, don’t believe it. I hardly use superlatives.(being on the other end of the spectrum isn’t a good thing, either). Very recently, I used the highest praise English could give me to describe a movie- spectacular. I like the word. It’s like saying ‘period. nothing can get higher.’ :) I am so MAD...

My brother says that unless you write everyday in your blog, no one will return to it. Hmm...maybe. But how do you maintain quality then?

Smitha is in the ‘stripes and stars’ these days, to use Rithvik’s phrase. Rithvik has the most amazing vocabulary. His comments are very, very witty. Difficult it is, to keep up with him. Hehe...and fun, too. I met him online suddenly about a month back, I think...We used to be in the same college bus about 2 years back. The first time I noticed him was when he was sitting next to me with a rather long list of un-pronounceable words alongside with their respective meaning. I gathered that he was trying to learn them. Learn them, like we learn working of generators. This concept was shockingly new to me; GRE was not a concern then. I was a bit taken aback by this nerdy behaviour. And he couldn’t have looked less frustrated with the list, like it were refusing to give in to his mind... Hehe...God, he is crazy. He turned out to be as ‘un-nerdy’ as an intellectual can get. Smart chap. I have caught him actually being ‘sweet’- according to him it’s a unforgivable error. He can be really nice when we wants to, but he stubbornly refuses to learn the word. Maybe not on his list. :) I wonder why everyone is not what we call ‘nice’. How do we define ‘nice’?

Writing can be so relieving. Architect Gurudev Singh once told me- ‘The mind is always bubbling with ideas, and only once that the idea has been penned down will it be able to get over the excitement, and move on to the next.’ So true. Also, unasked-(i wonder if the word exists)- questions in the mind cause endless debates within- with no actual baseline. Sometimes you cannot see beyond what your mind is occupied with. Write it down. Then, you will see. I think the single most powerful sentence I wrote that helped relieve me was this- “What is today? Is it what it has become, or is it what we want it to be?”. This question had been lying in my mind- scattered, vague, without voice and unclear-(also unanswered)- until I finally wrote about the confusion in my mind. I wrote and wrote- about why I keep talking about revival and technology. About why I cannot design in deconstruction. About why I keep romanticizing the past. About what it is that I am struggling with. About what I think of globalization. About why I am a rigid designer. Then, suddenly, I typed it- it was brilliant- I could finally give it the words. Now I know the exact root of my concern- and it has helped me understand my own thoughts better.

I think I am a very difficult person to live with. I am extremely moody, highly emotional and very instinctive. I give my mom a very hard time.

Some really big questions of my life are looming over my head. It’s crunch-time. I cannot believe its time already- it’s time. I feel like I am fooling around still; kilometers away from the step. I don’t want to reach; I don’t want to take it up. It’s close now...maybe I should just jump, give in..

I like it when people use uncommon adjectives. It makes speech so interesting. In the movie Notting Hill, Hugh Grant uses the phrase- ‘spectacularly unfair’. Hehe..I loved that.

I’ve started wearing my watch again. I had stopped wearing it for the last 6 months- just like that. I wanted to understand both sides of the coin- why do some people wear watches and some don’t? the experience was rich; largely uneventful, though- I cannot describe it. But I can distinctly feel the difference in my behaviour when I am and am not wearing a watch. Its not blaring-in-the-face, just subtle. I think everyone should try it- makes a good food for thought!

My internet connection has finally started working again. 3 months, I think- I have been out of connection with the world’s greatest gift of information. (I daresay entertainment, too).

I have noticed that the general standard of the shampoos and conditioners in the country has improved. Everybody has great hair texture these days. Everyone’s hair looks smooth and well kept. Now I remember wondering why people got all kinds of shampoo and conditioner from US as gifts. Hehe..

I had a great time working with Medha and Nischita on the triloka project. It was both a professional and fun experience. The way I feel, talk, and react is different with different sets of people. I would not dream of fooling around with Deepti the way I do with Medha. I cannot imagine seriously designing clothes with Manasa. I cannot imagine meeting up and simply talking to catch up with Varun like I enjoy with Kruthika- we always have to DO something. Very, very different. Yet, I’m more than happy with ALL. It amuses me.

My eyes have a serious problem with bright monitors. I narrow my eyes as if I were talking to the sun or something. Sometimes I feel like buying sunglasses so that I could wear them every time I use the computer. Can you imagine that? Hehe..

I remember thinking about 4 years back (when I was finalizing architecture)- that I wanted to take up something that won’t require me to dumbly- (I think the word does not exist)-sit in front of the comp for thirteen hours a day. Come to think of it, I do spend a lot of time working on the comp these days- most of the work produced impossible without the machine. ‘I might as well have become a software engineer’, I sometimes think. Not because its easier to do, but because I actually loved programming in college- it would have simplified my life. What I am happy about, though, is the fact that I still have the capability to think outside of the computer, merely use it as a tool- programming only being a method used to instruct the computer to perform a task that you want to get done- a task, mind- for a higher purpose. Its the task, not the handing over of the task- the goal is not efficient instruction, but the design value of the project- something that a machine cannot produce. The computer can help me draw the design differently, but it cannot help me design differently.

I am sipping mango milkshake as I write. I LOVE mangoes and anything to do with them- the 'luvvvv' is purely unconditional. :)

I simply DO NOT understand why people do not comment in my blog. I talk about things that are very easily perceivable by all; and my opinions-(whenever I do have them, that is)-are extremist. Yet, no one stands up against them. Like when I say, “I think we as a human race are stupid.”- does no one have anything to say about it? Or do you just agree with me?! I don’t think so.

I really appreciate the efforts that BMTC is putting in towards good bus transport in Bangalore. They’re contacting designers for everything- right from the design of their bus terminals to the design of the 2 zillion bus stops in the city. They have a strategy, an intent- they want bus stops to be designed in a way so as to redefine the image we have of city bus transport. The big boss of BMTC speaks the language of design. I have never seen that happen in India at such a public level. Its an amazing feeling. But then, recently, I saw the new design of the bus stop, and I hated it. That’s the catch. The minute any issue is handed over to the community of designers, it’s a debate. There is no fool-proof ‘excellent’ design. There exists something called a bad design, too. How can we expect ordinary citizens to make the effort and haul the project over to the designer if, ultimately, half of us do not approve of the design? The client would rather get a contractor to 'design' it rather than get into the endless debate with no factual base? The client has no drive. That, I think, is the sad part.

I’ve pasted a roll of paper all along the walls in my room- 2’ high, at eye level. I call it my scrap book. Anybody can write anything on it- reminders, thank u notes, stick pictures, make lists, scribble deadlines, and the like. I love it. It makes things so easy to put down. This is one of those things that live with us, and something we can carry forward as reminders of the past. Now that my universal book of the semester wont exist anymore, I’ve been looking for alternatives to capture the moments we spend as time trots along...

I never write/wrote the date in any of my books in school and college. I thought it pointless. Ironic, eh?

Crossovers between various strata in the society are such interesting events. Movies are made of them. They are rather rare, too. I experienced it recently. Somehow, the great bridge has not yet been constructed. Love marriages are trying their luck at it.. maybe it’ll take longer. But then again, it’s a fundamental difference that’s rather unique to our species, don’t you think? I mean, is there distinction like that in snakes? Ants? hmm...

I used autocad today for the first time to a satisfied finish. I usually don’t prefer ‘computer generated’ design because the drawings feel shallow; the missing pencil lines strip them of substance. Also, cad takes like a million years to finish- I can never complete a cad drawing. Also, there are so many issues related to machinery failure: no electricity, no ink in printer, no printer, no plotter, and worst of all- virus. “I just cannot understand WHY this hatch WONT WORK!!” Sandeep said today that computer generated drawings are more professional than hand made. ???. I dunno.

Yesterday I watched my friend play tennis. Great game, tennis. My immediate reaction was- ‘I want to learn too!!’. I love sport. But then there is this thing of the jack and the master, and I don’t know if I should let myself try everything. Its confusing to be good at everything as opposed to excellent at one. The other day I played squash, and I was named a natural. They say you shouldn’t play both tennis and badminton. I love playing badminton, and I am dying to learn tennis. Hmm..

I think I am a rigid designer. I am unable to draw as easily as the pencil allows one to. I don’t know what the origin of this is, but its rather difficult for me to draw random lines on site. Just can’t. This semester when I incorporated a rollercoaster in my design, I intended to free myself- so as to be able to see the possibilities. Not that right angles are bogus, but to get a taste, know the horizons. Its not as easy- and this semester didn’t work. I wonder if I should try again in thesis. Thesis, they say, is the most important creation of an undergrad. Should I make this an experiment? This is not the real question in my mind. The real one calls out to time. Should I cry out to revive, or should I embrace the new? Is revival a pointless attempt at keeping something as it is, while we all know that change is the one notable constant in the universe? I don’t know what the exact intent of my architecture is- its rather hazy at the moment. In some cases, it gets sentimental. Like the temple. Should we carry the burden like a box and place it on newly cleared land, or should we try to accept temples of aluminium cladding panels? What is today? Is it what it has become, or is it what we want it to be?

I recently attended a panel discussion on how to reduce the gap between architectural education and the profession. And got royally blasted from HOD for it. He thinks it’s a waste of time- says that the ‘panel’- does not have even one architect who actually knows what he’s talking about. I wouldn’t agree completely- I’m not saying I was ‘inspired’ by the experience, but I did get some insight into the problems we’re facing as a community. Some things were right on display, very much like HOD said. I believe that attending these kind of forums help you- in some way or the other- at least they help me form an opinion on the various issues of architectural education. They help you come face to face with the city’s architects. They give you a chance to stand up and ask questions to the selected ones. They help in creating your opinion of them- it’s definitely not a waste of time.

My final design review is in a week. We are to propose a metro station with added facilities on Bangalore’s most important road- the mg road. I have proposed an ‘infotainment’ centre with the station. The main agenda is to keep alive the organic skyline created by the unique green stretch. I am helping the dense pedestrian edge of the mg road spill onto the road (the road dips below as a subway), and fold into my building across the street- underground. The terminal and the building are one; one can see the trains pass as they sip coffee in the café. This might be a problem for the acoustics- the maddening sound created by the arriving train must be muffled. I have to detail it still. Hmm..

Its been a long time since I wrote. I wonder if it makes any difference to the quality of writing at all- unhealthy amounts of break- how are book authors supposed to handle it? ‘Sharpen the saw’.

My student life is coming to an end. I wont be attending any more building construction theory classes. I wont be attending any structures classes anymore. Planning, theory, sociology, history. The same madness that a combination of an eccentric genius as HOD, crazy faculty, peers who are more interested in the rain than the solar angles, the existence of ‘mediocre’ work, mass bunking, group ‘presentations’, and escapist attitude- cannot be dreamt of replacing. Unquestionable- in a masters course. Hehe. It was fun, to dream in class of the cup-noodles at the gate, and the free class at the end of the week. Architecture was fun when it was being taught. Now let’s see if it’ll be fun actually learning it. :)

I saw a couple of books today- ‘how to draw in fashion design’, and ‘textile design and fall of materials in fashion’. I think I am going to be buying them. It’s such a great feeling to be earning money. These books will be my home study. I guess this is what I can do at most- I cannot study everything although I am interested in it all. I cannot go to college till the end of my life; but then this would mean being busier. Hmm...

In my life till now, I have been doing it all. Playing volleyball, studying for exams, participating in competitions, organizing events, spending time with family, stitching, making paper, traveling, et al. But recently, it has been too much. So much, that I have to begin to prioritize; some things are more important. I am still doing them all, but am not expecting the world from them all. I have seen important relationships go weak due to lack of quality time given to them; I am half there already, and its time I turned around. My cousins are important to me; I want my children to have a secure and lovable family. Look at the gujjus. This against the attendance of one semester of one year of graduate degree in my entire life. What is priority? My brother’s wedding. A one time syndrome. Togetherness. Rituals. Family. Fun. Memories of a lifetime are made at weddings. Any Indian’s single most important day is her wedding day. This against one design studio in my undergraduate life. What is priority? Playing volleyball. Those have been the most enjoyable and most memorable moments of my school and college life. I am the captain of the university level team. What do you do when you have a design review the same day as the last volleyball tournament of your life? What is priority? Which would I remember during my last days?

By some good luck of mine, I stumbled across the serial ‘Hum Paanch’ yesterday...was like a breath of fresh air. Madness. The dialogues are not witty; its slap-stick comedy- but the innocence of the characters filled my heart. Beautiful. That mad woman sings her heart out every time she opens the door. ‘Dada’, ‘Bhai’. Hehe...the attempt is honest; there is no faking or saas-bahu involved. And yes, its Ekta Kapoor. She started this way. Where has she chosen to end up? Why?

I went with the driver today to pick up smitha from work. It felt like I visited an entirely new city. Not because the city looked or felt different (every single city in the world today looks and feels the same), but because we passed a lot of farmland before the city emerged again. It was kind of surreal; watching all the building activity against the farms- from an air conditioned environment- felt like someone was showing me a movie..a movie showcasing change that human settlements bring to the earth. We’re doing quite the harm.. if we observe, the most significant thing that development kills is anything natural- to make way for the artificial. Trees, soil, earth, land, sky, climate, rain, temperature, air, the atmosphere. We’re changing it all. We must do something.

I designed my own clothes for my brother’s wedding. I think they were quite the success. Hehe..

I used to wonder why people kept recording what they were doing on travels. I didn’t think it important; thought it would remain in my mind- every moment, every reaction. I think I was partially right, but still, something concrete would make it more real. I was right in thinking that no words can express how I felt at the biggest stupa in sri lanka, or how I felt at the taj mahal. I can still feel it; I just have to close my eyes- and concentrate. But I cannot share it; I cannot tell my mom how I felt. There must be some way. Photography ruins the involvement with space; you are more engrossed in focusing the frame than feeling the wind. Can we not record our feelings somewhere?

I have just realized that every pain, every emotion, every reaction- is all in the mind; when the mind is deviated, they can cease to exist. I had a very painful experience with a fungal infection on my foot about a year back- and the timing couldn’t have been worse. It was the day of the vtu volleyball tournament. I was limping; it hurt at every step. I was determined to play still; I wanted to play my favourite sport. I entered the court- and then, nothing mattered. I did not remember my foot- or the pain- I could only think of the opponent’s serve. It was beautiful; I think we should all experience this emotional high- it shows how we let small things rule our lives, while they can be buried under something that we can actually choose.

I love the fall of crepe. Such a beautiful material. Double umbrella makes it hang at the sides; and the peeko finish makes it flow like water. The sparse embroidery balances perfectly with the jacquard jacket; the height difference between the two skirts couldn’t have been lesser. I didn’t realize it was as heavy until the function was over; and heels didn’t help either. People said I looked good, so I guess it was worth it. Hehe..

We use bore well water at home. If I remember correctly, bore well water is hard water, and the salts that make water hard are carbonates and bicarbonates of calcium and potassium. So basically when any vessel is in constant use, these salts remain on the surface of the container. Same with my shower head. I must clean it. The pores are almost completely blocked by the salt remains. I wonder why such small things take up so much of our mental energy.

I have been traveling for quite some time now. I have traveled across India- Ahmadabad, Chandigarh, Delhi, Jaipur, Simla, Pondicherry, Madurai, Aurangabad, Mysore, Mumbai, Pune, Hyderabad, Goa, Agra, Mussurrie, Kanyakumari, Bijapur, Belur, Halebid, Hassan, Tumkur, Dharwad, Chittradurga, Hyderabad, and most recently, the island nation of sri lanka. This reminds me of the punch line of the programme ‘globe trekker’- “Did they tell you it was a small world? Try this on for size!”

I read a couple of blogs today. Every person has a distinct style of writing. Now this distinct ‘style’ that we call it, is a default thing; she does not intend to write the way she does; its instinctive. Don’t you think writing is an involuntary activity? I’m sure you cannot make your writing as it is; the characteristic emerges- its not a goal. Which is why, no matter how ‘badly’ someone writes, its still very unique- incomparable. Which means that every single person’s writing should be celebrated; it cannot be reproduced in any other timeline.

If someone is ‘creative’, does that mean that she lives creatively? How different are ‘being creative’ and ‘living creative’? I, for one, cannot separate the two. How can someone have a certain attitude at work, and change completely at home? If in architecture I insist on design as necessity, how can I not think the same in my own clothing? If everything in architecture has to be custom made, so does in clothing, jewellery, and shoes. How can creativity of an architect not be seen outside of the studio? If an architect is asked to so much as talk, will she not talk differently?! I see the difference everywhere- between being it, and living it. Is it so diffcult to live what you are? I am a designer; I live design.

SRI LANKA. When people ask me how my tour of the country was, I simply smile- I cannot begin to explain the emotions I went through- I actually mean it now- words are not enough. Saying that it was ‘awesome’ categorizes it into an excitement filled excursion, -which it was not- but it indeed was AWESOME. Most of all, I think I’m in love with the people- they remind me of what we were a decade back. Earlier when someone returned from a trip and pronounced that they love the people of the place, I used to think it impossible to understand the people of an entire community- all in a couple of week’s time. But now, I know. I cannot explain. Beautiful.

People keep using the word ‘inspired’ very often. Personally, I think it’s a really, really strong word, and should be used only at exceptional emotional highs- “I’m inspired.” I remember not wanting to use it for the past 21 years of my life- but now, I must. There is nothing else. But I’m sure people wont understand the gravity of it’s use- very much like the tooth relic temple in kandy- not all can understand how important that structure is to the lankans. Paradigm shift.

A mad friend of mine has been quite irritated with the colour of my wardrobe. She thinks its all rather too dull. She hates the brownes and beiges- the greens and the blacks. She says that if I lie down on the earth and someone saw from high above, I couldn’t be pointed out.. Now, I seriously doubt if that was a compliment, but the statement hit me. “we are all created out of mud, and one day all of us will end up as mud”. If she so much as smells this positive reaction, she will slit my throat. Seriously.

I love putting mehendi. But it’s a very, very tedious task. It takes hours, and hours, and hours of hardwork. And all for a temporary tattoo. Never mind that, I think it’s worth it. Recently I was ‘hired’ to apply mehendi for an engagement, and I applied my studio concepts to the design. It worked, and beautifully. I was right; design is design- be it fashion, textile, jewellery, or product. They are one, and we shouldn’t be distinguishing them. The different degrees in education may help in focusing on one, but they are essentially one- design- and one passionate mind can take them all.

My blog is not real-time. I wonder if people realize that. The fundamental reason why I write is to keep a record of the timeline- and it is ironical that my blog is not flowing along with my life- but my diary is. I write basically in my diary, and post a part of that as my blog.

Mudasir said today- life is just about the number of varied experiences you have- good and bad. Hmm...I don’t think life is just about the number or range of experiences- it’s not a checklist. I don’t think we should just do everything for the sake of the ‘experience’-at the end of it, you should have an opinion- intent. That’s what makes your life. Lets say one guy starts to ‘want’ to experience everything, so he starts doing it all- and then this other guy is born who has the same intention- to not have any intentions, just the experience. How are they different at all?! What makes it your life?!

Kaustubh said that he stopped writing in his blog because he gave in to the ‘demand-supply’ syndrome. I wonder if I will be bitten too.

The whole world is online these days- it’s not like before. People have to be careful with what they say online. ‘Global connectivity’. Recently, a group of people were caught by the police for drugs or something like that. On investigation, it was found that they came in touch with each other through orkut. My brother thinks it’s great that a community like orkut can bring together ‘like-minded’ people. He writes the code for orkut. Truly, orkut has brought a lot of like-minded people together- irrespective of the intent. I wonder where all this is leading us.

Sometimes I think I’m too fussy. My brother says that nothing is ever simple with me around. Like for example, the task of buying a dress. I make it a big deal- “it has to be designed, it has to be something different.” This probably puts off certain people. Does designing everything make life complicated? It shouldn’t. But then when someone steps a little out of the ‘ordinary’ line, everything quickly thickens- it’s a difficult task to be different.

I wonder if my blog page is monotonous. It’s just pure text- and tons of it. We read a lot of books with only text, don’t we? Oh that reminds me of how desperately my mom had tried to get me started on reading actual books- a transfer from comics. Difficult, it was. I think the first book that I read was one of the secret seven series. Nice books, those. Famous five, too.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my professional future- how I want to end up- full fledged architect with big firm or what..So many things are coming to my mind- they’re all so easy to say- living them is a different thing. For example, “I want to bring design to the common man.” How in the whole universe do you actually do it? This might even sound too idealistic -or philosophical- even. Hmm..

Do ‘great’ architects have great attitude? I have been meeting with a lot of architects recently. I have asked them fundamental questions relating to their aim in their architectural life- and they’re all so unique. Everybody has something new and striking to say. But one thing- they know all about each other, and keep track of one another’s achievements and failures. Know your enemy, eh?

The last four paragraphs that I have written are all of almost the same length. Feels out of place- makes me want to write more in some of the paragraphs to make it less standardized. There- at least in this paragraph I varied the length! :)

“There is nothing called as a low cost home- It’s such a humiliating thing to say. Even if a farmer’s life savings is 3 lakhs, he expects a good home for himself. Same with a businessman with a budget of 3 crores. No one wants a cheap product. ‘Low cost’ is the wrong word. The word is ‘appropriate’.”

Taking photographs has become such an easy and inexpensive task. Digital cameras help a lot. Videos are even better. But we tend to get to the other extreme too. On architectural study tours, I tend to avoid carrying my camera- because the innocence with which space is experienced- is lost. When we design spaces, we always think of human psychology in the space- how she will react to this light, how she will experience this volume. But when these emotions are felt from behind the camera lens, they are not the same.

Why can’t mosquitoes just live and let live?

I was told recently that I come across as an arrogant person. I don’t understand- I do not have ego and over-confidence...for me, the most believable sentence would be the one which talks about my flaws...I’m crazy. The thing is, I think I am –innocently- too straight-forward and curious. I ask directly- and answer directly. This may be mistaken as attitude. For example, in std. Ten in a bio class, my teacher made me stand up and asked me out of complete and honest concern- “Why are your eyes watering? Are you crying?” For me, it was not a matter of choice- I had to tell the truth- “I just yawned, ma’am.” See now, I might have looked like a buffoon with horns, but for me, it was more of a fundamental law- not to lie- to anyone, about anything. I still don’t lie.

I hate getting ‘common’ cold. Without exception, I am infected once a year- and I just about barely exist for those 5 days. The beginnings are the worst- since I don’t carry a handkerchief with me everyday. That unfortunate first day of cold is rather embarrassing. Once I had cold when my college exams were going on- quite interesting entertainment it must have been to all.. Hehe...

Human communication is such a tedious process. Informing a group of seven people about tomorrow’s site visit is such a complicated thing to do. It’s more than just ‘message sent’ as in a sms. It goes much deeper than that. There are psychological consequences- introducing the theory of what I call- ‘she-felt-bad’. When members of a group are to be informed of a program tomorrow, they have to be made to feel like they are desperately needed; they should feel like they were the first ones to be informed. The concept of ‘forgetting’ is unforgivable. That of assumption is even worse. “I thought it will be too far for you to come.” “I thought you might be too busy to make it.” Who’s asking you to decide if I can come or not?! That’s MY job- yours is to inform me of the program. It’s worse when you’re trying to fix a program altogether. Why is it so difficult for people to agree on one thing? It’s never instinctive; it all has to be pre-decided.

The more you sleep, the sleepier you get during the day. Honestly. Sleep less during the entire semester, and you’re fine- except for dark circles and a lower level of concentration. But sleep for 10hrs immediately after that, and you’re gonna be sleepy the whole of the next day.

I get very irritated when people say things like—“ Hey I’m too busy, I cannot come..”, “I’m too tired because I rode 15kms today”, “It’s too far”, “I’m all stressed out cause I had an exam today and I slept only six hours..”. only six hours?? Do you know how long six hours of sleep is?? All these jobless engineering students go around saying “Hey I have lots of work- I have to write the record..” What in heaven’s name?? How long does writing a record take after all?? Three hours max?? That’s like nothing at all!! Try living an architect’s life..!

I love the primary schools in the rural areas of India...they have a portico running the length of the building, housing classrooms in a row...I love the columns- painted in the tri-colour...There are paintings of the national bird and animal.. You can see the bell hanging at the end of the corridor..Why can’t urban schools be like this? Why do they have to look like IT offices with glass facades and have abstract and designer murals on the walls? Why can’t the walls be painted with the Indian tri-colour? Why is there no verandah-like space in front of the classrooms? Why are corridors so concealed and darkly lit? It’s what we call progress.

I see at least one ambulance everyday.

I was told yesterday- “I read your blog. You write really well.” Now, personally I don’t think I write well at all. Honestly. And that too- of all places- in my blog. Here I’m writing exactly what I am thinking, word- by- word. Does that mean that I think well?? He he...I have never been known as someone who writes well. I cannot stop counting the number of grammatical errors.. Not only this, there are so many spelling mistakes too! I think if my mom read my blog, she would not be able to read what I’ve written at all- because her mind is too busy pointing out the errors..

My activa had a tyre puncture in the last week. It’s so crippling to not have your own vehicle to move around. I traveled to college and back by autorickshaw that day, and it cost me four times as much, wasting more than an hour in the process! No matter how much we complain about the traffic jams in the city, noone wants to let go of their own vehicles because the public transport is even worse. The thing is, I fully appreciate what new concepts BMTC is coming up with, but the bottom line is that traveling by bus is still very slow and tiring. I wonder if the metro will help.

I was riding back from college late yesterday evening, and suddenly one billion thoughts came to my mind- about random topics. I cannot remember even a quarter of them now. That time I was wondering if we can invent a sort of a typewriter in the head- which shifts thoughts directly from the brain. Noone would forget anything anymore. What would a human come across as then?

You should never depend on anybody else for anything in life- they will inevitably let u down. Should never consult anybody for an opinion- they don’t really care. Should never ask anyone if they’re doing something so that you can do it together- they always change their mind. Apna koi nahi hota. Sab paraey hain yahan.

Everybody in this world has their own set of friends. Every single person has a ‘best friend’. And when times change- and your friends don’t have time to hang out with you anymore, never stop to invite/wait for them. Don’t try to re-live the past moments. Don’t stay there in hope of them coming back to the golden days. They won’t. As we move ahead in life, so do friends. In today’s world, you cannot expect to have friends for life. Accept that. Move ahead, meet new people. It’s a whole new world out there. There are soo many great friends to make. One should never be too old to make new friends, cause old ones don’t really last. It’s all idealism. Once you find the newer ones, you’ll wish you had met them before- and then there’s no time- life’s next destination is here already, and it’s gonna lead elsewhere. You already know you’re going to be left alone- again. Don’t panic- it’ll be a whole new world- again.

Emotional intelligence is such a powerful thing. I think it’s a more important quality to have than a great I.Q. I was recently very pleasantly surprised by a friend’s emotional maturity. It’s always easy to give in and do what’s on your mind, but to pause, analyse, and reconsider- even forgive. I think forgiveness is the most divine of all emotion. Only those at higher levels of emotional maturity can actually forgive. In totality. How can you make out if a person is emotionally intelligent or not- in a first meeting? Gandhiji had said that one should judge a person’s character by being a witness to his interaction with people of a lower grade/class. Is that emotional intelligence too?

These days I’m looking to understand the differences- in the habits and behaviour- between a Brahmin and a ‘non-brahmin’. I’m curious. I want to know what difference our age old system of discrimination has made to our respective lives. It’s not about good or bad- it’s not about right or wrong- it’s about the difference. What are they? Similarly, what are the differences- in habits and behaviour- between a rich man and a middle class man?

I was just reading the stuff I have written, and I realized that in a paragraph-‘x’ paragraphs before this one, I talk about how the whole world more or less falls into one category-‘ordinary’-and that it is so diffcult to be ‘different’. And then, soon after that paragraph, I talk about how I am amused by the fact that each person is soo ‘different’ from another-and I wonder how people could possibly be so distinct. He he...Am I contradicting myself? Or is it that I am talking about two distinct topics, and that they cannot be compared on the same plane?

It’s difficult for me to type or think anything when a song is playing...-kept in the dark- I cannot seem to be able to concentrate...–so many words for the broken heart- music can be such a great distraction...-your every wish will be done, they tell me- I cannot listen to a song and do something else simultaneously...for example, while I’m typing this, there’s just some sound in the background, and I’m thinking about what I am typing. And when I finish typing, I go back to the song, and start humming with it. When I start typing again, I don’t remember what song is playing at all. It’s like I’m going in and out of the song...very much similar to the zooming in and out of the eye, trying to focus on two things almost one behind the other, 10 feet from the eye. You can’t focus on both at the same time- you can actually feel your eye zooming in and out, keeping up with human will.

I read about a famous Pakistani fashion designer today...Apparently, he is educationally qualified to be an architect! Immediately I felt that this designer chap was a cheater to his community- like he had done something that he should’nt have. Then, right after that, I saw a possibility for me. I told myself, “Even I could do that...” Would I be a traitor too? Or is it just that when people finally find their passion, you should be supportive of their courage to switch careers...? Like Shankar Mahadevan. Software enginner at Wipro to music director in bollywood.

What is the plural of ‘genius’? :)

Earphones just DO NOT fit in my ears properly. The tiny speakers keep falling off- it’s quite a nuisance to use them. Apparently I don’t have a tiny lobe in my ear that is supposed to hold them up. And if I somehow manage to keep them in place, and listen to music with zero movement( quite a sight, that is, mind-), i cannot keep them on for more than an hour- it hurts. Each one of us has such unique problems :)

My mom keeps asking me to clean my room. Why do all mothers keep asking their children to clean their respective rooms? I don’t get it- it’s unmistakably universal. What are these children going to grow up and tell their children? Don’t tell me I’m going to grow up and tell my children to clean their rooms. Hehe.. Is it a cycle? Does everybody grow up to realize that rooms should be cleaned? :)

A friend in my class was wearing a dull-green looking shirt today. When I looked closely, it was composed of vertical strips in four colours- off-white, black, dull-orange, and green- in the same order. Why did the shirt look green overall? Isn’t green supposed to have least scattering property in the spectrum or something like that? By that theory, the shirt should have looked orange, right?

I loved the movie swades. That is the only movie in which shah rukh does not make his ‘standard-emotional-face’. He actually grips. I wonder if the director makes the difference. I personally think shah rukh can’t act for nuts. But then, I saw the episode of ‘koffee with karan’ starring rani mukherjee, kajol and shah rukh where he came across as such a charming man. So much energy, so approachable, so enthusiaistic. Karan had a segment where he spoke to a bunch of kids and asked them- ‘how many of you love shah rukh?’- Most of them raised their hands, screaming in delight. Shah rukh was interested in the 2-3 who didn’t. That’s like the most amazing thing, isn’t it? He’d probably want to have them convinced too. I don’t think aamir would have done that.

I LOVE the new tata safari ad. Not as a product seller, but for its starting point, and the most alarming realization of our life it brings forth- ‘Slavery is not dead, we’ve just stopped recognizing it. When did u agree to be continuously watched, to your life not being yours anymore?’ The visuals are simple, and stunning -literally. What have we made ourselves become?

Let’s say you are on your way to your best friend’s wedding reception. You are very well dressed, and can’t wait to hug her with congrats. You are so excited for her. You enter the wedding hall, and in the distance you can see brilliant light focusing on the stage. You walk closer, and all you can see from then on is the photographer’s head. Now, isn’t that just absolutely irritating? That’s what happens in today’s wedding- everything is done for the photograph. The groom put the garland around the bride’s neck. Oh no no, the photographer didn’t catch it, do it again. Aaarrgghhhh. Wedding photography is not a pictoral representation of a list of things that happen at the wedding, but it is the capturing of the emotion. Just as the mangalsutra is about to adorn the bride’s neck, she can see it right in front of her nose- she is both scared and excited at the same time- it is the moment of her life. Capture that. As the bride walks into the hall for the first ceremony, the anxious groom’s face is glowing- he can’t stop grinning. Capture that. The groom’s cousins are trying to flick the gifts. The bride’s detectives are trying to steal the shoes. North Indians are desperately trying to keep the mobile ‘saaru’ within the banana leaf. Jobless guests are playing cricket in hiding. The bride is eating a chocolate under her palloo. These are the moments that we miss, the times that we want to re-live and enjoy. Wedding photography should aim at capturing these too, if not only.

How do a left hander ride a two wheeler? Does she accelerate with her wrong hand? :)