“So who’s the guy in your orbit?” Lol.

It is a liberating thought: Food is not necessarily consumption in the sequence popularized by your default culture, but a delicious mass that fills your stomach. That’s it. It could be anything, in any sequence, as long as it gives you a good feeling and a balanced vitamin intake. Once you’ve realized this, creativity presents itself: mixing random flavours, hunting down unheard-of spices from all over the world (available locally at your nearest Sainsbury, hehe), inventing courses around your favourite vegetables, questioning the aesthetics of a dish, crossing over between salad, curry and dessert, adding by instinct and judging by smell. “What if” explodes your palette, and in most cases, you end up with an “interesting” plate full of food. This circus makes for good self-entertainment, especially after a hard day at IDE!

“What if I had never met you?”

I love surprises, especially the kind that involve intellectual conversations with a stranger at random locations. Waiting for a delayed flight in Ahmedabad, I knew I had one coming my way as soon as a middle aged lady, dressed smartly in a crisp white starched saree, asked me: “May I have a look at your book?” “May I”, I noted. As we dove into conversation, I gathered that she had studied at IIMA more than 20 years ago for an MBA, worked for various firms as a consultant and was currently managing a university. She was sharp, articulate, enormously successful, intimidating, and ambitious. She was proud of what she had achieved, was a self-made person, and had clear goals for her future. Just when I was about to burst into tears for the inspiring picture she was painting for me, there it was: “...you see, I’m unmarried.” OMG. Why, why? I remember being monumentally relieved when I realized Varna Dhar was married – that was the first question on my mind after I learned that she was a Harvard Graduate. And even today, when I realized one of my friends works for Apple, I was overjoyed the first moment, and deeply concerned the next. This is both absolutely mental and severely disturbing. I know more than one woman that I feel for; but I also know those that have partners! I have to, I just have to, believe that there is hope.

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”

“It seems that men can get out of a relationship without even a goodbye, but apparently women have to either get married, or learn something.”

There is no such thing as ‘perfect’. That word has no meaning in the real world. Not in the context of personality, situation, choice, food, or life itself. It only exists in dreamland and virtual reality: it is a tool used against us in a deeply capitalistic society. When everything around us tries to tell us that we’re not what we should be, it is a powerful feeling to realize that you don’t have to be what someone else thinks you should be. You just don’t. What matters is what’s important to you, and whose expectation you’re trying to live upto. Your own? Your partners’? Your parents’? Life is about making the mistakes, and consciously learning with time. Charlotte’s “oh, it’s not perfect yet!” speech is really annoying me.

Associating India with ‘colour’, ‘culture’ and ‘bollywood’ has been a common theme in England, but when I heard a man couple the name of the country with ‘arranged marriage’, I was taken aback. This is a new development. To my “I’m from India”, he replied with a “Oh, I hope you won’t be forced into arranged marriage! Don’t hurry your life decisions like that, take your time.” And this is the conversation between me and the salesman at Carphone Warehouse, the junkyard of gadgets. India needs an image-makeover.

My nose is trying to fall off my face.

I have missed being alone. I realize this now, enjoying the silence in Ala’s house, all by myself in this beautiful, beautiful house. My body is conversing with the exposed concrete ceiling, agreeing with the full height windows and commending the stark white walls. I am enjoying being the only mobile thing in this flat, peacefully hearing myself breathe. It seems like a luxury, in one of the world’s most expensive cities, to be able to hear yourself think. It’s not too late yet.

What is the job description of a friend? What role are they meant to play in one’s life? “Boyfriends come and go, but friends will always be by your side, standing close to comfort you through the tough times.” How is it possibly their problem, if one decides to do stupid things or is stuck in a bad spot? Why should they invest energy and time into a plummeting situation that does no good for anybody? If patience is what a certain task/phase/event demands, why is it the friends’ job to ‘handle’ the impatient one? “If this does not go well today, I need to know you will be there for me.” What the hell? I feel sad for those who have to “be there” for me – listen endlessly, with patience and no judgment, spending precious time in telling me something I need/want to hear. If tricky situations blur one’s rational thought, is it then the friend’s responsibility to wipe it clean? Towards what cause, to what end? What are the incentives at work here? In this big circus, where does family feature? Do we/should we expect the same from family? This entire system just seems massively unfair to me, and my brain is disagreeing to such dependence. If you have a problem, deal with it. Don’t waste other people’s time.

What happens when you have much to say, and no words to utter? When you’re feeling a ton of emotion, but cannot express it through speech? Your friends cannot understand what’s going through you, and it seems like your body seals all pathways out of itself. That’s when you wonder if we live to communicate, share and express; or to experience absolute emotions on our own. It gives me a high to think that I might know or feel something that is only within me; unspoken and undiluted. This reminds me of keeping secrets – is “being secretive” just an attempt at solo experience? That would be immediately labeled deeply selfish and ‘aloof’. What then, is ‘loneliness’? This cannot be a choice we make, for the word is soaked with sadness. Is there a positive word for aloneness? Are human beings fundamentally social animals or is it something that society slaps on us as we ‘grow’?

Too many questions.

I remember crying, many years ago, over a shoe-bite on my right toe; it was such a big deal – it hurt a lot and nobody seemed to care enough. Yesterday, walking as fast as I could demand from my body, I realized that my toe was bleeding; and only one thought came to my mind – “I don’t have time for such crap.” I kept walking, and this time, it didn’t hurt or bother me, and nobody else knew. I simply washed my feet later, and moved on. Is this what ‘growing up’ does to your life? Shows you the bigger problems that need dealing with, sets priorities so that you realize you’ve been petty your entire life? Manasi put it very well – “I cannot believe we’ve come down to this now – we can’t even have ten minutes of light conversation anymore – it’s all about the unresolved difficulties in life, the big picture, the goals and our directions.” I secretly like this state; feel like it has taken me a while to get here, but I’m here now, and I’ve earned it. I’m finally capable of a ‘mature’ conversation, opinion and direction – and I would much rather be here, today, than at any point back in time. This is why “getting older” doesn’t seem to scare me; 26 doesn’t scare me. It just makes me feel like I’ve come a long way, and have much longer to go.

“You should never be scared to know better,” Mimi slipped into our conversation in Ahmedabad, with a scarily casual tone. Sounds like a simple sentence, that – but it actually is terrifyingly profound: it summed up the reason for my mental struggle back home. Mimi has a powerful command over language and expression – the epitome of crisp words conveying deeply philosophical thoughts. That girl is amazing; I love how everything she says hits me straight in the face – makes me think! I remember many, many such phrases from our conversations – each burned into my brain, forcing me to reconsider existing opinions, re-evaluate situations, and be open-minded. She is easily one of the smartest people I know, and has been an important part of my precious exposure at the RCA.

IDE is driving me crazy: it is making me more and more immune to psychotic behavior – it is stretching out my boundaries of ‘sane’! Every time someone walks through those double doors, I am less and less surprised to see their paraphernalia: cycle tyres, copper-sulphate solutions, pig bones, robot arms, clay butts, spittoons, brain-mapping-devices, metal foam, breast-pumps, popcorn-popping gizmos, etc! “What is that??” is a timeless question, and it remains relevant at all times in the studio :) One random day when I walked to my desk, I saw a 4’ tall plant in a pot, and I’ve enjoyed its company since. Nobody knows where it came from, and why it was at my desk; but I’m perfectly happy with that! Long Live the IDE Studio!

Africa!

Does passion need a trigger to show itself? In terms of an environment, a problem, or opportunity? If Gandhi was born in 1995 into an independent India, how different would his life be? Would the British rule have created a Gandhi earlier? Do circumstances create men of passion or do ‘great’ men perform irrespective of the situation? 23 year old men walked to their deaths for the country 60 years ago – would that happen now, or do we need horrific circumstances to be courageous? I’m amused.

“What is the point of a ball bearing?”, I asked a shocked Aran today afternoon. It sounds so typically me, trying to get to the fundamental truth of everything. My brain has found a wonderful target in Aran; and once past the grin, he and I usually set off on very interesting journeys of logic, working systems and possibilities. What makes for such conversation buddies? A common curiosity? I think it’s much, much more than that. It is the attitude of knowing that you don’t know, be accepting of the fact that what you think is your opinion only. It is about being argumentative but not competitive, to seek the actual truth together. Yes.

Howl.

“Doing nothing is one of my favourite things”, I happened to hear myself say recently – and immediately wondered if it was a commendable thing or not. Doesn’t it almost sound sad, lazy and pathetic? What do I actually do when I’m doing nothing? I’mthinking. Finding food for thought in my surroundings, I’m always looking everywhere. I wonder why things are the way they are, what would happen should someone turn everything around. I question, but do not answer. “You’re very easily amused”, Rahmat keeps saying to me, "I like how you question everything." Who benefitted only by thinking and saying but not doing? Critics? Theorists? Damn.

Watching the Pope at the midnight mass on Christmas eve outside St.Peter’s, I wondered what he must be thinking. What he must be going through, judging himself against, expecting from himself. Wonder what mattered to him most at that point? How his fellow peers looked up to him? Or scrutinized him? Or how thousands of people within and outside the church symbolized him as a messenger of God himself? Who was he living up to? I think no matter how high you go in life, you’re always living up to your peers, forgetting how much you impact the rest. Why do we keep raising our own expectations? Is it for a sense of self-achievement? Or respect from peers? What about those whose lives we're changing? Earning respect from peers/critics Vs inspiring hundreds of people: which is more valuable, more purposeful, more satisfying?

“Empty your brain” is the concept generation strategy at IDE. Very different from my previous understanding of the beginning to a project, I don’t yet know if this is working for me. “Pour it all out on paper,” they keep saying - fast, more and many is the aim here - as opposed to my previous understanding of one idea, one thought, one intent. “This ‘one idea’ ain’t coming to you, you need to get off your ass to get to it.” “If you cannot generate 30 ideas in 30 minutes, you shouldn’t be here,” Ashley once said to the class – does this reduce the intensity of passion for an idea? Or does it actually place it in a context and avoid being carried away to neverland? “You have to be able to let go of the brilliant idea for some grounding, only to return to it with more context”, Ravikumar Kashi told me – how important is it to let your brain rest before you reassess your idea? I realize now that ideas can be generated out of ideas – it is a journey, not an unexplained spark. Is this what ‘options’ means?

“You are the backbone of this kitchen”, I was telling Dina as she shifted the big pile of washed vessels into the cupboard – “What would we do without you!” Trust a geeky biologist to say, “Well, we would be invertebrates!” Lol. Every sentence in this house begins with “Biologically speaking..” or “According to the theory of evolution-”. Jeez. What was I thinking, agreeing to stay with not one, but three such cartoons!

“Where are you from?” is a very difficult question to answer, sitting in a restaurant in Brussels - what with being a Maharashtrian from Bangalore, studying in London. As Jacob said, “It’s not where you are from, it’s where you are now.” Yale boy, will make for a smart diplomat. Missing international trains can sometimes be rewarding.

I’m still a big architectural geek. One trip to the TU Delft Library, and I’m on a high – blown away by the volume, light and spaces: I’m in dreamland still - speaking of human emotion, scale and experience. Not to mention the finishing materials, their meeting edges, frames, foreground and lines of sight. Clicking away on an SLR, I’m amused by my own excitement. No matter how deep I zoom into product design, their working systems and building exercises, my body still understands the language of the architectural scale. Additionally, I can now feel the strength that products bring to a space, the impact an installation has within a volume, and the potential of an integration. RCA: good call.

“You might be locked into a world not of your own making, but you still have a claim on how it is shaped. You still have responsibilities.”

I realized recently that Valentine’s Day actually means something – it stands as a dedication to the man who displayed magnificent valor in favour of a faith, a trust in companionship; it is a symbol of survival, of hope and of victory. Why must it be looked down upon as a cumbersome public display of an alien culture? If Poland and Germany can celebrate the same event together, why not Asia? How does an Asian man’s passion differ from an American’s? Geographical boundaries are meaning lesser and lesser to me with time. Look at how the ultimate Christian festival affects almost all our lives today. Why are some accepted and the others not? Valentine’s Day is the celebration of the bravery and grit of a man who believed in the strength of companionship, and risked his life for it. How different is his conviction from that of Gandhi? Or of Mother Teresa? How do we calculate the respectability of an action or event? Is it not the passion itself but the intent that the passion serves? The Greeks only asked one question when a man died – “Did he live with passion?”. Have we now evolved to qualify only certain ambitions of a passion as ‘great’?

“How do you define maturity?”, Rahmat asked me out of the blue as we were watching Friends on TV yesterday. She has this seemingly effortless ability of framing questions around the most deeply sought-after knowledge. It amazes me, how she yearns to understand, comprehend and grow – continuously looking to make sense of her world. I am her junkbox, I think – and as she keeps shooting questions at me, I try and gather myself as quickly as possible after the shock, and give her my thoughts- trying to articulate, analyze and understand my own self. She makes me think, rethink and be more articulate than I have ever been. She makes me realize I think differently with time, with each experience, event and action - she has contributed to my mental shift of context- one of my most powerful realizations ever. When she contests my opinions is when it gets very interesting – and I am highly enjoying being on the other side of questions for a change!

“Coal and diamonds are nature’s landfill, we should stop worrying about exhausting them. Instead, let’s use direct energy nature’s giving us!”

I simply don’t understand human sustainability. Sustain human beings for what, forever? For another generation? For ten more generations? I see it only as human greed – to want to survive longer, to resist change – against the very nature of existence. Look at the earth’s life history! Everything is going to change! Even though the earth might not have seen a species like ours before, we are still making attempts against the inevitable. Apart from our deeply selfish intent, I have problems with the apparent urgency of the matter. If it is the 11th hour, why isn’t petrol absolutely unaffordable yet? Things are moving in that direction, but we’re not there yet. Not yet.

I have started understanding what ‘power’ feels like. Such a miracle it is, to demand or experience it – provides for such an intellectual high! The power of a guitar playing in a tunnel, the power of sculpture, the power of excellence, of meaning exactly what you say, of saying only what you mean, of choosing to be open to new experiences, of choice itself, of being able to mould your own life – is this what we live for? Power expresses itself not only through bloodshed or courage – but also through intellect and trust! I can feel the power of a voice over me, of a 500 year old painting on a ceiling, of a great man’s lifelong work, speaking through time. And this realisation is only the beginning.

“Words,” Rahmat says every time I squeak with joy or whine in sorrow- “I need words!”

My class in school has 34 people from 18 countries. It is the most diverse environment I have ever been in, and makes for very good staring points for conversation. Chilling out over lunch one of those terribly busy days, I realized from across a table of 7 that every one of us had had a direct experience with a terrorist attack. Each one was either around when it happened, or had a sister who missed the train that was bombed, or was close enough to hear the shots. What does this mean?! Can terrorism be universal? Or shocking still - unifying?

If I thought I had a cumbersome and lonely childhood, God’s making up for it now - BIG time. Thanks mate.

I miss Shilpy. Now that I look back, I realize she was a silent force in my Mumbai life- soaked in all that came in her way, rarely complaining. In times throughout my application madness, mood swings and inability to talk about anything else, she fed me, asked about my progress, and did not complain of the alarm or the light. Not once. How does one sustain that? It takes deep strength of character to get where she is, clean or not. And I feel now that I did not get to thank her for it all – I almost feel ungrateful, insufficient. I’m getting my chance :)

The time has come. I knew it was inevitable – to revisit every opinion, reconsider every direction of thought – to change my mind – in the context of a revised time, location and environment. What is my fundamental character? What am I building on? What ‘Indianness’ must I carry on, or choose to leave behind? Which is a better way, which is more logical? Are we really living in a globalized world? Has the beauty of travel been lost or will it stand its ground? Should I just do what I feel? Feel, and Do? Two very powerful words.

“I want to be name dropped.” One of the smartest answers ever to “What do you want to do in life?”. Benjamin Alun-Jones. Oh, I think I just name dropped him!

When I met Farzin, I was shocked and surprised – kind, open, trusting, simple and calm – qualities that I thought people grow out of with time. Then, I met Jaosh. So there were two of them. Then I came to London : there are hundreds here! It’s such a wonderful solvent to be in – helps in being true to your own personality – to be celebrated for how weird and crazy you are – no judgments! It makes me feel whole, independent and proud of what I am, am not, and can be. Maybe worthiness is measured by this ability? That’s the hope.

Hardware stores are the answer to everything.

What you are is an absolute, independent entity; something that must not and should not, be dictated by other sides of your life. Even if Anna Kournikova hasn’t won a single major tournament, she is hot. And there is nothing wrong with that. Who said one needs to be successful to be good looking? Or smart to be witty? Even if your crit didn’t go well, you are still the same funny guy you were before the crit. If you didn’t win the match today, it doesn’t mean you’ve got to stop being well dressed. One part of your personality does not have to earn the other – they can coexist independently and in peace. Nick, my man – thanks.

Goodbyes have been murdered. This wretched technology has killed them - burnt the closure that a goodbye provides, the peace that departing hearts make with each other. It doesn’t allow us to accept that we are letting go, accept the finality of a time well spent. We simply let the edges between different periods of our life blur, moving on with an unquestioned incompleteness. Terrible.

The most accurate way of quantifying a woman’s wealth is by the size of the diamond ring she is wearing. Even her partner’s. In this time of fake watches and fake clothes, engagement diamonds seem to hold up the torch to establish the social order. I don’t like it.

“If a guy wants to call you, we will call you.” Lol. The clearest sentence ever.

I cannot believe it. How did I earn a place here? I now realize this place in the world always existed - the one I dreamed of, the one no one around me understood or believed. It was turned against me to deem me 'different'. This is neither a physical location nor a point in time. It is a realization. This very place, this temple – it cannot be explained. You have to be here to believe it. And I’m here ! Finally ! It seems like I always belonged here – in this dreamland of ideas, this soup of design. Aah. There is no pressure, no fear, no expectation : just the feeling of home. Home. Studio. Work. Nothing else seems more important – time, sleep or food – I am in peace. And awe. And it’s all worth it. Anything is worth this.

One of the top thoughts amounting to suicide, I read yesterday, is “If I died tomorrow, it wouldn’t matter to anyone anyway”. How about “I matter to me”? Isn’t that both capitalistic and warm at the same time? Isn’t what you do with your life, your own problem? Of course, there will be a massive drag of expectations, deviations in events and 'destiny’. But still, what you live for is your concern. The universe doesn’t give a shit. Why should anyone else? The will to live should be your own – if you kept looking to others for a reason to survive or excel or experience, you’ve got a problem. I am able to say this today, with the silent voices of two girls with me – they helped me realize and live the truth: to each, his own.

Love marriages are such a risky business. In fact, I think the whole concept of romantic love is a myth. A lie we want to believe, a story we want to have faith in. Is love as depressingly important to our faith as God? Maybe this is why we keep justifying the flaws in the theory – “falling in love is not the same as being in love”, “love is suffering”, “love is a test of our will and strength”. Nonsense. We should stop living life’s inevitabilities and ugliness in the name of romantic love. There is no such thing. There is only attraction and companionship – both explainable, both logical. Attraction is specific to a personality type, and companionship is a fundamental need of human existence. I highly doubt the truth in statements like “I cannot live with anyone else”, or “I will die without him”. Wake up.

“How did you manage that??”, I was asked when I updated a friend on the whole RCA story. It has been a long and tiring episode of my life, now that I think of it - starting from my guts to even think of applying to the RCA, the miracle of the portfolio, the journey halfway across the world to an interview, the successful admission that broke my heart, and finally, and most unbelievably, the scholarship. Man. I still cannot explain the portfolio! I know it didn’t just ‘happen’ – I worked hard, really hard for it. What I cannot swallow, though, is the drive, perseverance, patience, self-expectation, and grit. What was I thinking, going to the interview - knowing that I had no money for the course fees?? I think it was more a desperate attempt to continue to pursue a dream, more than my hope of achieving it. It never occurred to me, how I might work at the studio where I was interviewed – only thought of taking in as much as I could, never to return. It was the dream. It is the dream. I’m living it, and I’m desperately looking for someone to thank. Thinking of all this, I wondered how best to answer my friend’s question. Trying to put all the truth into a concise set of words, I replied, “I simply tried.”

Amitha was a beautiful discovery. At a beautiful time, in a beautiful place. It makes me smile to think I’ve caught up – at least to a point where I value her presence, opinions, and contrast in personality. The more I realize she is different from me, the more I am comfortable with her. Such reunions are rare – especially in today’s intricate web of uncertain life, location and priority. Experiences modify personality, and toward the same direction – no matter what the experience – to maturity and growth. The only question is – how far does one get, and at what point in his life? Do the relative positions of people mark their ‘achievement’ at any given instant?

“There are no rules, there is just life.”

I hate the new Mantri logo. It’s way too twisty – simply impossible to reproduce with your forefinger on your own arm. I mean, if it’s so stupidly difficult to draw even as you stare at it, how is one possibly going to register the mess as a memorable symbol? It annoys me to even think of drawing it. In a sharp contrast, think of the nike logo – genius.

I want a rib-crunching, 15-second hug. Now.

The world is not enough.

My mother says that hers’ is the generation that is sandwiched between the known, traditional past and the shockingly redefined future. In one generation, she says, we have moved from a point of utmost respect for the elderly – which granted them the power to run the household under their orders – straight down to the point where grandparents today are expected to take care of the kids and cook for their working daughters-in-law. She’s right. This is brand new, and whether or not we are in a position to judge the ‘correctness’ of this development – it is going to sustain. But then again, is hers’ the only generation to go completely off track from the previous and the known? What about my children? We grew up with Chitrahaar and Sukh Sagar – Coffee day and Pizza Hut was unknown and rare – and now, kids ten yrs younger are alien to me. If I struggle to understand college kids today, how am I ever going to handle priorities a whole generation ahead of me? God help us all.

Each conversation with Praveen is packed with powerful opinions, mind-blowing questions, and shocking facts. All in one. It’s like a session in self learning. I wonder if I could take more than a couple of hours with him – maybe too much to digest? Just the thought of him makes me want to get up and read, debate, define. He makes me want to know exactly what I’m saying, and think. Think! Aditya does that to me too, but there is one fundamental difference – I see disappointment in Aditya’s eyes – a feeling of a great let-down everytime we speak. And in Praveen’s, I see patience. Patience to let me grow, to let me make the mistakes, to let me reach higher, to let me have the time. Patience to accept that I am not there yet. I bet the roles would be reversed if Praveen was my brother and Aditya a friend. I find it strange that we take it upon us as responsibility to oversee the ‘growing up’ of siblings – to make sure they ‘reach their potential and equal the heights of achievement of family’. One can never escape the illustrious family – only try.

Is academics is an escape? Escape from the real problems, the true nature of the markets, demand and supply, survival and reality? Praveen told me, “ . . think of what kind of business you want to run – successful or good.” Why is the ‘real world’ enormously different from the expected trajectory of study? I know (if not understand) the working systems of the world today are just as fascinating – quirky, cunning, and ugly all at the same time. Aditya always says “Let the markets decide. The working of the system is both inevitable and logical. Everything happens for a reason.” Somewhere in between, our self-constructed ‘morals’ come and go – leaving us with choices that make us. The trick is to make the choice – to consciously understand its repercussions and projections. Well, that’s just the start!

Technology is the devil.

Happiness is an illusion. To keep shifting goals, to always want what you cannot have – isn’t that the reality of all human life? Isn’t that also the drive? What is the point of a monk’s life? Can ‘bliss’ be really achieved by letting go of all human wants? Then what?? How about letting the present make us smile as we live? I have started enjoying moments – in the real-time that we live and have control of – an effort to stop romanticizing the past and getting anxious about the future. Today is all we’ve got – find your moments. Maybe because I think at the end that is happiness.

Shifting cities and cutting through various sets of friends, I have become cynical – a non believer in the permanence of relationships. I am beginning to think it’s not a negative emotion either – I am not bitter – just at peace with the fact that things will be different, priorities will change, and people will move on. New is good. Are more friends better than good friends? It’s heroic to revolt at the thought, isn’t it? Whether or not we chose this reality, it is fairly accurate. Is friendship becoming synonymous with networking?

I can hear myself think again. It has been a long time.

“Stop chasing an impossibility”, I told myself 2 hours before the big party I was throwing to celebrate my RCA and scholarship victory. And as soon as I said the words, I realised I needed to hear them, if not for the first time then, at least 5 years ago. I do this to myself repeatedly – and unnecessarily – keep wanting the “perfectness” of every situation; I need to be able to let go. Because at the end, what matters is that the moment is enjoyable, and not ‘perfect’. I must prepare for my wedding – I can see it becoming the biggest‘event’ in my life I need to be ‘perfect’. At least I have the time !

Reading fiction can be addicting – a chance for an escape, an alternate universe – described by those whose livelihood depends on the skill of narration. Reality seems to feel dull and slow once you’re hooked.

Mismatched edges annoy me these days. “Why couldn’t it have a 6mm groove at the junction??!”, “..that ugly edge just has to go..”, “..a 15mm offset is simply unacceptable - WHAT were you thinking?!!”. Hehe.. it’s the RMA effect :)

I’m in Bangalore these days. ‘home’. No, I don’t feel it. Home is where the heart is, and that’s in Mumbai. I cannot understand why, but I would rather be in Mumbai than in Bangalore. Weird. Reverse home-sickness. She said it beautifully in the movie – “Everybody likes a city not because of its general character, but because of the presence of special people who make the experience unforgettable.” Can these special people be a collective? I cannot trace the existence of one single person who makes me love my Mumbai life – maybe it’s the absence of ‘those close ones’ and subsequently the acceptance that there is in fact, nobody. I’m completely on my own in Mumbai – and I love it. There are a hundred things to do, see, watch and view any given day. And the most important thing that I enjoy, I think, is the ability to roam around on my own – I don’t need a driver or an alarm clock – I can go wherever I want, till quite late into the night – I don’t have to beg someone else to help me do things I want to do. Yeah, I think that’s what I love most. Noone to continuously give updates to, noone to please. Only myself. I likes :)

Photoshoot, baby !

‘2 states’ is a good book to read one day before valentines’ day. It makes me think. Is it really all worth it, the massive family match making and the trouble? Would it simply not be easier to marry someone whose family is not the enemy? Honestly, I think it’s a logistical nightmare to live through a life of constant bickering and finger pointing. Of course, it’s not like there will be shortages of arguments, but what’s the harm in reducing the number? Shilpy asked me not to read the book for fear of depression, but it has been good food for thought. And it has contributed towards my tilting inclination towards arranged marriages.

Some people think it’s funny that 24yr olds are “teaching”. What’s the joke here? First, there is no 'teaching' in architecture – no one can 'teach' architecture – it’s the exploration of ideas, especially in the first year. To have as jury or faculty, architects with 20years experience, I actually think, does not serve the purpose of the studio. When fresh ideas are showcased, the experience of the architect works against him in the appreciation of the idea. I really think seasoned architects, especially in this age of globalization, are terribly weighed down by their 'workability' issues. How can someone like that appreciate an idea involving absurd new forms? The intent gets lost somehow, and all that remains is “How the hell are you going to make that work??”. First year architecture students need to 'go crazy', and having a faculty who’ve been building toilets for decades is not going to help. That’s where I come in. :)

Change is good.

Wind is like electricity – it has a mind of its own, a logic of existence and movement. It does not simply “flow” – unlike most misunderstood human beings believe. It moves due to a difference in potential, and this can be controlled and made use of. Wind can single handedly change the idea of ‘human comfort’ in a humid city. And noone belives that. Why do you think there are ventilators in apartments? And why do you think they are at the roof level? So that they can be closed up? Or so that some idiot can build next door and force close the opening? You are changing the wind movements here, and noone cares. Later, they crib about the heat. Stupid. Judging a flat on the ninth floor as ‘windy’ with the front door open into a internal well is stupid. Once the main door is closed, it will NOT suck any wind from outside the balcony, even if it is on the bloody eighteenth floor. There is a logic of flow of energy, and it can be studied and implemented for human comfort. Every king, every civilian, every human understood that. A hundred years ago. Now, we’re more interested in capitalizing on the increase in sales of Air Conditioners because of the blocked ventilators. We’re all breathing in the stale but cool air from the ACs in the name of progress. Pathetic.

As I trace the 'worship' of cult divinities in history, it makes me wonder what category of 'worship' fan following falls in. Can 'temples' of Amitabh Bachhan be accepted in about 100 years’ time as 'pilgrimage spots' ? It’s a strange logical connection. What would human beings 500 years from now study about us? That we followed the ‘rituals’ laid down for us 5000 years ago? Or will we make our own independent history?

I am trying to understand the word ‘confidence’. It has such a blurred definition, and changes meaning with context, culture and time. How important a factor is it, in the happening of things? I think ‘being confident’ cannot possibly imply an infinite bracket of knowledge of content; it’s a state when you know how much you know, and have the sense to understand that you need to learn more. I think being confident is about being sure of your ability to learn- and then you can step in into any field, conversation or context with ‘confidence’. You know that you don’t know, so you find out. And once you know, you have an opinion. And then there are those whom I call ‘sweepers’ – those that question and understand information coming their way well enough to have an opinion on them. These kinds can never fall prey to ‘half knowledge’ – and I admire that. Some day.

Indian currency notes are post modern in design. It is time for change.

Indians have lived for five thousand years, and yet today, we have a design history of about twenty years. Did the british screw up our attitude this badly? How did 150 years of a rule wipe out all possible artistic inclinations of a nation? This is seriously depressing. Even with 60 years of freedom, we weren’t really free until 1991! Does that mean something lacks in our leadership priorities? Or does it simply mean design is not really a priority? Did illiteracy and poverty not exist in the thirteenth century? The fact that we study the ‘navratnas’ of Akbar’s court just goes on to say how much importance was attached then to art, culture and thus design. Is today a simple coming together of uncontrollable factors? Is India today what it was ‘destined’ to be? I need answers to these questions- and they are all hidden in decisions made in history! And to think that people think history is irrelevant.

“Shattered by invasion and colonialism and an uneasy accommodation with modernity, we can’t now construct five columns of equal proportions.” Indian history is depressing.

‘Busy’ is a word of the twenty first century- I cannot stop being shocked at the change the computer revolution has brought to our lives. It has hit everyone- every age, every strata, every existence. I imagine in my head an assorted group of people standing in line along a sea face- and the waves slapping them all, all at once. Comparison is flawed, and remarkably inaccurate. This revolution has changed more in one generation than anything else has in ten generations- and I believe we’re doing just fine... Human beings can be so amusing.

“The truth today cannot be divorced from the one telling it.”

There is design, opinion, and risk. And then there is a doctor. Or rather, there should be. But it is hitting me suddenly- it’s not true. Doctors are ‘good’ and ‘bad’, ‘expensive’ and ‘ineffective’, and ‘thorough’ and ‘not-trustworthy’. I do not understand the existence of opinion in this field. How to fix the human body cannot be an opinion. Can it be? Are we really living such a delicate existence? Wow. Who are the world’s ‘best’ doctors? The most creative ones? Or the gutsiest ones? This is scary. Medicine is not like physics, and it freaks me out. Does this mean a ‘better’ doctor has a better chance of saving a dying man than an ‘average’ doctor? What the hell?! A doctor is a doctor, and he must be able to treat the same way as any other doctor. Money and medicine is a very, very bad combination. It is to the downfall of all.