Capitalism. Hmm...

I miss physics. I love physics. The only subject close to it during my architectural education was ‘structures’. In structures we studied the strength of materials; calculated the load carrying capacities of beams, columns, footings, and the various effects of load. It was interesting, but somehow not my idea of physics. Physics is the basic understanding of our surroundings; it is how we are trying to cope up, understand and classify all that is happening next to us. Wonderful. Physics shouldn’t be a textbook. It’s the physical explanation of life; as simple as that. When I was younger, I used to crib while learning the ‘applications’ of all ‘laws’. I understand it now- without application, we wouldn’t be interested in it in the first place. ‘Laws’ are for us to simplify and rationalize; application is the basic aim of study of the subject. Textbooks should be re-written to help understand this.

This is what I wrote for a psycho friend as a parting-gift on behalf of the lalbagh gang... all fiction, mind-(He was moving to a city an hour’s journey from Bangalore :)

“Varun’s life is an entertaining (not for him, but for us) journey with innumerable ‘avatars’ as we call them- having risen from the streets as a beggar to a waiter, all the way up to the inventor of the ‘all new!- table tennis in a squash court’- Varun has seen and done it all. (We all firmly disagree.) This flight to success has seen unprecedented support from all his friends (we all firmly agree) - “It was all because of my friends that I got this far”, he finally admits at gunpoint. He still owes us approximately 200 billion treats at corner house. His mind blowing success has landed him at the front page of ‘no-time’ magazine, the most prestigious offering yet. And to think that it all began with a simple idea (given by architect amrita kulkarni, which he claims as his own) - buy spiky chappals for a birthday gift! Also, the priceless t shirt painted for a friend is on display at the London museum for ‘crap-from-street’, one of the most celebrated museums in the world. “I knew it would be an instant hit the second I stole...err…made it.” His obsession with the ‘foot’ has led to innumerable discoveries of the pig’s foot- (very moving, indeed) Also, his love for the beach helped him prove that sand, in fact, has life. (Although it comes as no surprise that only the sand believes him). In his college days, he claims to have lived the best days of his life- (thanks to us, cause we didn’t kill him-). A passion for modeling speaks- “I’ve always known that the modeling world would kill for material like me-” (sure. Kill, definitely, after suicide!)”

“I have traveled across the length and breadth of India, and I have not seen one person who is a beggar, who is a thief. Such wealth I have seen in this country, such high moral values, people of such caliber, that I do not think we would ever conquer this country, unless we break the very backbone of this nation, which is her spiritual and cultural heritage, and therefore, I propose that we replace her old and ancient education system, her culture, for if the Indians think that all that is foreign and English is good and greater than their own, they will lose their self esteem, their native self culture, and they will become what we want them, a truly dominated nation”. This was an address delivered to the British parliament by Lord Macaulay in 1835. (Some say the parliament part is made-up). In any case, we know the truth is not too far from it. The question remains- If we were once so rich, why are we now poor?

I just realized that very often, we use the plural of various physical units in our daily lives. “I ran a hundred metres.”, “I am carrying 3 kgs of rice”, “The lizard is only 11cms long!”. From what I remember, I don’t think SI units have plural(s ?). It is 100m, 8kg, and 11cm. Simple mistakes.

I am addicted to Vaseline. Lip balm, rather. Ice cream, too. Food, rather. :)

The best part of the every Sunday lalbagh walk is the 10km ride to the park. I start at 6 in the morning, and it takes me 25min to reach. Lovely. The sun rises on my way. There are hardly any vehicles on the road...all along the way, the streets are deserted; but it is not dismal- there is life. Somehow, you can feel it- that this place is going to come alive in a couple of hour’s time. Wonderful times. I don’t think I have too many of these left on me- must grab them.

I am so sleepy. I was continuously working on the computer all of yesterday, slept for 2 hours last night, went to college for a review today, after which joined friends to watch a movie.(the movie was sooo bad, I cannot begin-). And now, I am finally back home after a not-so-bad ride on hosur road. But I feel strangely cheerful. This has been a busy day after a long time. I am rather jobless these days because of the free time I get outside just two-days-a-week at college. It’s somehow better to have a million things to do, and never the time to finish it all, than to lay around the house with not much to do. No matter what, this free time that I will enjoy for this semester is something that will never be available to me for the rest of my life(unless I become a housewife)- so for the better or worse, this ‘joblessness’ is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Let’s take in as much air as we can gulp.

I have to find new ways of making trees for my models in design. Every time, I do the same thing- parke kaddi(stick) for the trunk, and thick paper cut-outs for the green. The problem with this is that the tree cannot be perceived in an ant’s eye perspective- there is no volume of green! It is only one horizontal plane resting on top of the vertical stick! Although when photographed from the bird’s eye, the model looks good. I have seen good forms of trees with the weirdest of materials; must try this time. ‘Time’...

I bumped into Vinay and Varun at corner house last week. It was awesome; we’ve been planning to meet for the past year, I think- but something or the other came up. Vinay looks very different now; he’s lost lot of weight, and feels like he’s more comfortable with himself now...But otherwise, he’s the SAME! Goodness, the jokes are the same; I spent more time talking to them than eating ice cream!(which is a BIG ask!) remembering Vinay’s side of PUC was unbelievable fun; he has been upto a lot of things unknown to us nerds. Hehe...

I was recently called ‘bizarrely honest’. I LOVE the adjective! :)

There is nowhere left to go on a weekend. Everywhere you go, it’s crowded- there is nowhere you can go without spending money. And lots of it, on a weekend. Even if you want to meet up with friends to just talk, you have to go to a café or something- no place at first, and once you do get place, there is a line waiting for you to leave. Hate it. I heard recently that some people who just want to catch up with friends, go to graveyards. Spooky. Earlier when we hung out in school, we used to go to each other’s places- chat there for hours together- we knew each other’s parents well, too! I don’t ever remember anything involving money at all!

September is here already! Lots of birthdays in September. Once upon a time I used to dread this month- because it meant that lot of money is about to be spent on joint gifts to all the birthday girls/guys. Not anymore. I don’t think I am going to be buying anybody anything, let alone as a combined gift. No more ‘group’ left.

My dad says that if something has to be famous, it has to have something that everyone wants. It cannot be something YOU want, even if it’s yours, but something THEY want. Can nothing be accepted the way it is?

There is a road in Bangalore called Lavelle Road. I wonder which language this is. What if it means ‘death-trap’ road or something like that in swedish? hehe...

I have started understanding cloth and its characteristics- texture, fall, fineness, drape- its wonderful, really- its almost like it were a living thing. Each texture reacts to the human body differently- and differently altogether to a dining table. God, there are sooo many kinds of fabrics around us; each with its own bracket of usability. Cutting cloth is even more exciting- you can go crazy trying to keep it under control.. I must, must learn the art...

Ironing clothes is such a waste. Within twenty minutes of wear, it is going to crease anyway. Specially these days, when you have to travel the world before you reach the destination. What’s the point? Same with making the bed in the morning. Let alone the point, I see no reference axes.

The word document that I am writing in has a black background. Even all my autocad files have a black background. Somehow they’re easier to work on. What is amazing is that there is only one colour which is just as bright on a white background as it is on a black one. RED. I somehow like the colour. It stands for a lot of things- bold, dangerous, blood, scary, rich, luxury. Luxury and blood are very different responses to the same thing, don’t you think?

Oh my poor mom- how she loves to sing! She also has an incredible knowledge on the subject. The saddest thing, though, is that she just CANNOT sing. No, not at all. Nowhere close. If someone put pitch, tone, and melody into a box, juggle it real hard, and force out the contents within human frequency of hearing, that would be it. Yeah. But I really, really appreciate the honesty with which she ignores our pleas to stop. Hehe...If only God would have given her the voice...tch tch...Well in that sense, God is almost great- gave her the interest, the art of appreciation, the sensitivity of the ear, and also the incredible memory. But no, not the voice. pity.

Che, I miss smitha. She’s sitting in the US- although I am sure she is bored to death~! I miss the energy that she brings to any and everything; she is the most cheerful person I know. She and I have a lot in common- we’re both barking mad, addicted to shopping, complete movie buffs, and always ready to loaf around the city (country, too, mind- if it were a little easier)- we even have the same shoe size! So, basically, when I like a pair of shoes/chappals that I love, I buy them for her. Hehe...

Somebody from U.A.E read my blog. Wow.

I met the creative director of the architecture design team of ISKCON. While shaking his hand, I was amused by how a shake hand is possible only when the palms are mirror images- a shake hand cannot occur with one person’s right hand and another’s left. Now, if a left hander shakes hands with a right hander, one of them has to put forward their wrong hand.(!). Also, if two lefties are to shake hands, will they shake their left hands or the right ones?

The process of ‘analysis’ is seen everywhere. ‘Analyzing the situation’. To analyse something, you need to have focus, an opinion, clarity of thoughts, patience, and sincere intent. I would say it’s an intelligent thing to be able to do. No mugger can analyse. HOD had said once that Varna Dhar had excellent analytical skills. I think this must be an important skill to have to impress- Donald Trump must be looking out for that, too. Well...

I think what knowledge we have of the US is very limited; we can see only one twentieth of the entire picture। Everything that we can see is from tv, or the movies. But if we open our eyes, we can observe a lot of things- learn a lot about the history of their society, too. Monalisa smile. The most spectacular bomb on the image of US today, I think. In an episode of friends, Phoebe says- "In my time(speaking of the 1930s), divorce was not even an option." In another instance, she says out of frustration- "What is this?? 1922, when men used to tell women what to and what not to do??". Ross’s parents pay for half of Ross’s second wedding saying "Never mind the traditions. We have no problems!". Also, good old Britney spears wanting to remain a virgin till her wedding day. That’s where we are now- we will be where they are in a generation’s time. I wonder if the youngest American generation knows its own history।


What amazes me most about India, more than 2 billion other things, is that we are SO diverse! We have 28 states, each with their regional language! How in the universe did we come under ONE banner? We must be ever thankful to Pt। Jawaharlal Nehru- our first Prime Minister। He unified us- spoke of secularity, and gave us dreams, put up our hope of a great nation. His economic plans, though, have been criticised- our status of ‘developing’ still is blamed on him. Nonetheless, his faith in democracy and vision of a unified nation cannot be underestimated- I think we are together still because of him.


My parents, brother and I went to watch a movie at PVR today. We were a little early, so we were waiting outside the lounge. I was generally looking around; it wasn’t very crowded yet- 9 45 on a sunday morning. Leaning against the railing with a free standing poster on the ground to my left, I was checking out the queue at the ticket counters ahead in the distance. Suddenly, I see that some guy has tripped over the free standing board, and narrowly misses bumping into the guy in front of him. He straitens up; walks carefully along the side of the fallen board, and is gone. Everybody behind him is doing the same. With no thought, I walk up to the fallen board, ask the guy walking towards me to stop, pick up the board, and put it back into it’s original state. People are staring at me- as if I just did something weird. I felt like telling them- ‘Apna desh hai, hum nahi saaf karenge to aur kaun karega??’

I am in search for my ‘current favourite colour’. Every semester, I involuntarily choose a particular colour, and I call it the ‘colour of the semester’. All my design sheets, rough papers, borders, even clothing- end up being either the colour, or its tone/tint. I can identify anything that I find from my earlier days in college from its colour. Well, even a cow could.(hehe). Red was my last favourite. These days pink is hitting my eyes a lot.

This cursor in this word file has suddenly shrunk to half its size. It’s irritating, really, when there are things happening on your computer that you cannot explain- worst even- cannot fix. I am planning to work on my thesis design digitally। I must be really careful. Absurd and unheard-of things happen the day before the final review. Wonder why the sandwich always falls with it’s butter side down.

I am absolutely proud of the staff of the Times of India newspaper. ‘Lead India’, their latest initiative, has hit the bulls eye. People have awoken. This is what they have to say to us all:

The last time we decided to do or die, it changed the map of the world.
Today we’ve reached a stage where the eyes of the world are on us again.
So what are we going to ‘do’?
Domination starts with DO.
Today we are in our sixtieth year of independence.
And we’re still happy being called an ‘emerging economy’, a ‘potential’ superpower, or a sleeping tiger.
This must change.
And it’s only possible if some of us dare to be the change.
So let’s stop basking in our glorious past or daydreaming about our great future.
Let’s start be dominating today.
LEAD INDIA.’

Unbelievable, eh? Not anymore. We are coming.

What I like best about the times group is that they have realized that they are not only a machine of paper and ink; they are not simply an agency that makes money from advertisements- they have a social cause. They have to help people help themselves; their position demands it. They cannot live to make money only- they have a nation to awaken. No one is bribing them to take the initiative; they’re not getting any extra money. All they are getting is applause; and God, they deserve it.(I love the logo as well). There are so many more people in the country who are at that place- Rahul Gandhi- he is right there- he must take responsibility. He must stand up. He must come forward. It’s really easy to say, but very, very difficult to do- you have to be able to give up your self, and place the country forward. It has never been easy to be king; the leader lives not for himself, but his people. Expecting too much, are we, in this timeline?

I want to make paper, but its bad timing, I think- so cloudy outside. I need the sun to come and dry the paper so that I can remove it from the frame. Or I need to find a way of transferring the wet cloth-like paper onto another drying medium. I LUUVVV making paper! :)

I met Manasi online today. The mad woman, I wonder what she is doing there in the US. I miss her so much- its cruel that we got to spend so little time together. The irony is that I have ‘known’ her for the last 8 years! Never really hung out with her- not until the Pondicherry trip. She is so crazy...hehe...reminds me of me! She has (after a lot of arguments with absolutely no base) finally agreed to let me design her (future)home, given she can have a bay window॥hehe..SHE IS SO NOT GOING TO HAVE IT! :)

I have something that I call the ‘material museum’ up on the second floor. It consists of the leftovers of all the materials that I used for making models during B.Arch. I love the collection- very surprising to some, pointless to some other. I want to try my hand at carpentry now- I already have a nail gun. There is no place in my room for any of this! Che, I must own a HUGE home in the future, else I will have to keep the paper on the bed and sleep on the floor. Hehe...

“I dislike feeling at home when I am abroad”.

Yesterday I watched a travel show on television where the host(an Indian) travels to Pakistan in search of his dad’s old home. They lived on the other side of the border once; escaped to India a month into the partition- to survive. The host of the show had caught hold of a map of undivided India, and we could see the whole of what once was Punjab. With a simple crease of his nail, he showed us where the international border stands today. Such a simple thing, a curved line. It changed the fate of millions. Tens of thousands were killed. Killed, just because some rich guy in warm clothes sitting on expensive teak in a hill station drew the line on paper. Pakistan, come to think of it, was a part of us once- our brothers; just detached. What caused the hatred were the deaths; and the want to find someone responsible for the deaths- the other country. Even to this day, we hold ‘the other country’ responsible for the tragedy; and vice versa. Who was actually responsible?? Jinnah? ONE SINGLE PERSON?

I am known to be capable of writing round-round, confusing and extremely non-articulate sentences in English language; famous to have the ability to write a thesis for anything, in short. I am trying to not come across as someone to whom not only is the point invisible, but also tries to make it invisible to all. Hehe...Recently I surprised everyone with just four sentences in my thesis synopsis (ironic, is it, now? :)

We keep saying things like ‘You should have value for money’...See now, let’s consider a guy who is earning a lot of money based on his talent and intelligence. Now, if he does spend a fortune on his floaters, why do we look down upon him saying he has no value for money? What does ‘value for money’ imply? Having respect for money? Just because he spends the money, does not mean he has no respect for it. What should ‘respect for money’ imply? Its just that when such a person is viewed with the backdrop of a less fortunate, it seems like a sad story. Somehow the rich chap is turned to the not-so-positive side. I wonder...

I collect all kinds of random, crazy(to the non-creative) stuff all the time. yellow threads, pins with rounded ends, ink pads, metal wires, beads, colourful stones, ribbons, leftover pieces of cloth from my tailor, thermocole balls, needles, clips, pots, wooden handles for bags, shells, carved stamps of wood, sponge, jute threads, etc. When I am buying them, I have no idea where/when/why/how I will be using them. But then, one day dawns when these bits of ‘useless junk’ fit beautifully into an application which has ‘something missing’. Hehe...

I have started looking up universities in India and abroad for further studies. The thing is, I want to end up as a designer, not only an architect- so there are endless things I want to learn. Product, fashion, textile, urban, jewellery, graphic, landscape, interior, management. Hmm...

Getting even a simple thing done from a government facility is such a frustrating experience. More than anything else, the attitude is irritating. The minute you say ‘Govt.’, you know its not going to be easy. The other day my mom and I were in a local bank to draw DDs for my college fee. They flatly refused to do the job saying they were under-staffed. Now who’s problem is that? MINE? Why should I be denied a basic facility because their attitude sucks? When we pleaded with the manager saying it was the question of my studies and that it was urgent, he pounced on us saying everyone here comes with an urgent job. Now how is this my fault? Why is that guy screaming at me?? That’s India. There are two solutions- go the Gandhi way, and shame the guy into doing his work right, or open an account with a private bank. The Gandhian way wastes a lot of your time, but teaches the chap a lesson of a lifetime. Privatization means efficiency, but no one is doing your job fast because they want to, but its all about the money. Humanity is lost; money rules all. Its our choice. I know it- we would all go to the private bank. That’s why we are where we are today.

I love rain. On the way back home in the car yesterday, my eyes suddenly fell on the wipers. They do not have flat edges, but a concave profile. And their locus of movement is also a curve. A 3D curve. Imagine, for all points on the locus of the wiper blade, the curvature of glass has to be constant. That’s crazy meticulous! Are car glasses really designed like that? Maybe the wiper blades have flexible edges.

I am cleaning my room (at least trying to) again. It’s weird, how regularly we have to make efforts to clean the room, while it takes absolutely no effort for it to get dirty in the first place!

Its Saturday morning. Such a good feeling. We’ve started living on weekends. I remember telling smitha once- “Of course it shouldn’t matter if the engagement is on a weekend or not- its an important day in your life, and fixing the date should be more a function of your ease than of the invited guests.” Well, lets just say that things are not so simple anymore. Reminds me of Aurangabad.

Its Lord Krishna time. I have to study his ideologies, study what the ISKCON movement is about- I am designing a temple for ISKCON at kanakpura road, Bangalore. I am sure it will be an extremely interesting experience. While reading about the ISKCON board, I found that most of the top guys there are IITians. Immediately I thought- ‘Che, what a waste of genius..’ But then again, its waste for us. I think for them, its more like ‘being proud to dedicate yourself to the service of humanity..’ Maybe that’s what these Americans think when we Indians return from their top posts to Bharat. We’re proud to receive them; others think it’s a waste of human intelligence- ‘you could have gone places’. Hmm...

I bought a book yesterday- ‘The Social History of Indian Architecture’. Good book, this. It talks about Indian architecture with respect to function rather than style. Style is something everyone talks about. This is the first book of its kind. Rather expensive, though- 995 bucks! I saw another book that I really liked- ‘In style’. Hehe...

One of my ideas that I am proud of is the ‘lalbagh walk’. In a desperate attempt to find a cheap alternative and repetitive destination for catching up with friends, I suggested visiting lalbagh every Sunday morning at 6 30. Kaustubh and I discussed this first, and slowly I made it applicable to the newly found set of mad friends from BMS. They cribbed and cried, but I was what Manasi would call ‘Hitler Rani’(!!). Hehe...Slowly they started turning up- although late every time- but it was awesome fun. We used to pretend that we shed a kilo every week by jogging for a hundred metres. We followed more or less the same route every time- down the main path in the direction of the music- to the glass house- up the hillock- sit down on the stone with the skyline of Bangalore to the right; pretending to take a break from the rigorous workout- and happily walk back to the west gate arguing which cafe to visit for breakfast. We were almost twelve once; was a warm experience. Then most of them left to the US for masters’ degrees. I’d love to go back, but not alone. There has been an attempt, though, to revive the ‘tradition’, but there is no drive. People start giving excuses, and I hate that. Today is one such morning- I am ready to leave home at 6 15 (a little late, I admit), when people started pulling out. Che.

It’s thesis time. They say it is the most important project of your student life. It hasn’t hit me yet, I think. I’m just still unsure, vague, and doubtful. But I am beginning to realize that these thoughts have been in my mind for a long time now. Those of time, and how it effects everything- the idea of evolution with time- and those concerning the most important stamp of a Hindu society- the temple- escaping the fourth dimension still. Why do we build these temples today in hope of equaling them with those in the past? What is a temple of today?

Can a developing city be given architectural direction without being forced upon as law? Can the presence of one building be powerful enough to have following in the city’s smaller architecture? I think it can. Look at Ahmedabad. The staircase of the mill owner’s association is seen all over- it repeats itself in markets, apartments, shopping centres, etc. Its beautiful; makes me smile. Aurangabad. The chaitya arch. I am sure there are more. They give some hope to the city’s individuality in this ‘global’ time. Hmm...Never mind that now..

My brother’s latest craze is writing. He has started writing a blog, and the content is innocently funny. Witty, I could say. Brings out the most visible part of him. He gets around 150 hits everyday. Now that’s awesome. You know, its like this- if you want it done, if you want it to be famous, you have to shout from the roof tops. If you want to be read, you have to advertise. You cannot expect to be noticed if you sit there with what I call ‘modesty’. You cannot just post the url in some shady profile page and expect people to sit up. You have to walk to them. I think I’m not like that. I haven’t asked anybody to read my blog. I have just quietly posted it on my orkut page, and I expect people to miraculously come to know about it, and read it. Somehow I don’t want to be the one millionth person to ask you to “please read my blog”. But then if you want your blog to be read, you actually have to ask people to read it. Advertising. God..

The word file that I am writing this diary in has 36 A4 pages. Phew. I cannot believe I wrote this much. ‘One step at a time’...’बूँद बूँद मिलने से बनता एक दरिया है, बूँद बूँद सागर है, वरना ये सागर कया है. ..’ Maybe I should print this at the end of my life and call it my autobiography. It will be hugely unpopular, I think- endless stories of nothing in particular, written in extremely bad language- ‘pointless wanderings’, as my brother would maybe call it...

to read my brother's blog, click here.

Tomorrow is Nag-Panchami. I don’t know what the exact significance of this festival is- all I know is that its mehendi time! I remember being in Solapur for this festival about ten years back...how much I cried for a bigger mango on my palm! I think I’ve come far now- I draw mehendi on my mom’s hand now- I am the professional. I use cones now; my mom used sticks(parke-kaddi to be precise) then. We used to sit late into the night desperately trying for the mehendi paste to follow the locus created by the stick. Makes me smile.

I like writing in third person. I talk like that, too. Hehe...I love the confused look on the faces opposite mine- talking about the girl next to me, I say directly to her- ‘This girl is driving me crazy!!’ hahaha...fun...

I hate it when people use generic words when asked for an opinion. “What do you think of this design?”—-->“Hmmm...I like it.” Aaargghh. That is the most irritating reply to a question like that. What do you mean, you like it? WHAT about it did you like? I asked you what you thought of it, not if you liked it. Tch tch...

Why does every paragraph, every thought have to have a conclusion? I see that in all thoughts I have penned down, -although digitally- there is always an ending, a conclusion- each one ends with a general question, an analysis, a smile or ‘Hmmm...’. Why? Are we trained to even think in a particular format? See- even this thought seems to have an ending- a philosophical one- throwing a question at humanity! I am unable to finish this paragraph abruptly. There.

I recently finished reading the seventh and final book of the Harry Potter series. I like the way it is woven, but logic falters a bit here and there. My brother thinks the entire concept is very badly thought of. He asked me a simple question- ‘What is the cost of magic?’ Beautiful. Splendid question- the most fundamental flaw I can see. I like reading the books nonetheless; its something else that I read those books for. I wonder if it was my brother’s own question or was it from an article he had read earlier that day. Should one thing, written for one context, be evaluated by another that the thing does not concern?

My volleyball-playing days are over. I feel so sad. Captaining the volleyball team of the best college in the state was the peak of it all, I think. Graduating means saying goodbye to serious sport- practice and tournaments. Kinda depressing. Especially after watching ChakDe India. I cannot imagine how Nutan must be feeling; she was a national level hockey player once. :) I really hope my children love sport as much as my mom and I do- it’s an wonderfully spirited experience- its the best thing that can happen to you at the end of an extremely irritating day with the professors. :)

Why do we all smile while posing for a photograph? Does smiling make everyone look better or what?? Looking good is such an important thing. You cannot escape it. I don’t necessarily mean make-up, but styling, making of a personality. I saw a programme on discovery once- ‘Beautiful people are more easily befriended than others. Children respond better to a good looking person. Beautiful people are more successful than the others. Facts. Hmmm...

I have grown fat. Hehe... I think this is one sentence that has been said most number of times in the history of the language. Or maybe not in the entire history. People were not as obsessed with their weight about a couple of decades ago. This thing of ‘lose weight, keep fit->look good’ mantra is new. :)

My first live project is coming to a close. It’s been one hell of an experience...I’m so lucky to have had this chance at this age. Wow. I cannot explain how it feels to stand under the slab I’ve been imagining all of last year. Cannot explain how it felt to see the first course of the walls being laid. How it feels to give away the thing you have been so attached to, for so long. My first house. My first home. I named it after the lady of the house- it felt so good..Somehow, my parents and relatives do not understand how important this project is to me. My mom does not understand why I visit the site everyday when no work is being done. She doesn’t know why it is so urgent for me to see how much sunlight is being thrown on the floor from the openings. “It’ll be the same amount of light tomorrow also, you can see it then. If it is dark inside, there’s nothing you can do about it now. Leave it, there’s no time now.” I feel so sad that she doesn’t understand the urgency, the obsession...But I guess it’s okay- she’s not an architect herself... I wonder if every architect would feel the same way about his/her project, too.

You should be careful believing people who use superlatives often in their opinions. Everything is either ‘great’, ‘fabulous’, ‘terrible’, or ‘awesome’. How is it even possible?? Are there no grays? When you ask one such dude for a review of a movie, just be sure to dilute everything he says before you believe it. Better still, don’t believe it. I hardly use superlatives.(being on the other end of the spectrum isn’t a good thing, either). Very recently, I used the highest praise English could give me to describe a movie- spectacular. I like the word. It’s like saying ‘period. nothing can get higher.’ :) I am so MAD...

My brother says that unless you write everyday in your blog, no one will return to it. Hmm...maybe. But how do you maintain quality then?

Smitha is in the ‘stripes and stars’ these days, to use Rithvik’s phrase. Rithvik has the most amazing vocabulary. His comments are very, very witty. Difficult it is, to keep up with him. Hehe...and fun, too. I met him online suddenly about a month back, I think...We used to be in the same college bus about 2 years back. The first time I noticed him was when he was sitting next to me with a rather long list of un-pronounceable words alongside with their respective meaning. I gathered that he was trying to learn them. Learn them, like we learn working of generators. This concept was shockingly new to me; GRE was not a concern then. I was a bit taken aback by this nerdy behaviour. And he couldn’t have looked less frustrated with the list, like it were refusing to give in to his mind... Hehe...God, he is crazy. He turned out to be as ‘un-nerdy’ as an intellectual can get. Smart chap. I have caught him actually being ‘sweet’- according to him it’s a unforgivable error. He can be really nice when we wants to, but he stubbornly refuses to learn the word. Maybe not on his list. :) I wonder why everyone is not what we call ‘nice’. How do we define ‘nice’?

Writing can be so relieving. Architect Gurudev Singh once told me- ‘The mind is always bubbling with ideas, and only once that the idea has been penned down will it be able to get over the excitement, and move on to the next.’ So true. Also, unasked-(i wonder if the word exists)- questions in the mind cause endless debates within- with no actual baseline. Sometimes you cannot see beyond what your mind is occupied with. Write it down. Then, you will see. I think the single most powerful sentence I wrote that helped relieve me was this- “What is today? Is it what it has become, or is it what we want it to be?”. This question had been lying in my mind- scattered, vague, without voice and unclear-(also unanswered)- until I finally wrote about the confusion in my mind. I wrote and wrote- about why I keep talking about revival and technology. About why I cannot design in deconstruction. About why I keep romanticizing the past. About what it is that I am struggling with. About what I think of globalization. About why I am a rigid designer. Then, suddenly, I typed it- it was brilliant- I could finally give it the words. Now I know the exact root of my concern- and it has helped me understand my own thoughts better.

I think I am a very difficult person to live with. I am extremely moody, highly emotional and very instinctive. I give my mom a very hard time.

Some really big questions of my life are looming over my head. It’s crunch-time. I cannot believe its time already- it’s time. I feel like I am fooling around still; kilometers away from the step. I don’t want to reach; I don’t want to take it up. It’s close now...maybe I should just jump, give in..

I like it when people use uncommon adjectives. It makes speech so interesting. In the movie Notting Hill, Hugh Grant uses the phrase- ‘spectacularly unfair’. Hehe..I loved that.

I’ve started wearing my watch again. I had stopped wearing it for the last 6 months- just like that. I wanted to understand both sides of the coin- why do some people wear watches and some don’t? the experience was rich; largely uneventful, though- I cannot describe it. But I can distinctly feel the difference in my behaviour when I am and am not wearing a watch. Its not blaring-in-the-face, just subtle. I think everyone should try it- makes a good food for thought!

My internet connection has finally started working again. 3 months, I think- I have been out of connection with the world’s greatest gift of information. (I daresay entertainment, too).

I have noticed that the general standard of the shampoos and conditioners in the country has improved. Everybody has great hair texture these days. Everyone’s hair looks smooth and well kept. Now I remember wondering why people got all kinds of shampoo and conditioner from US as gifts. Hehe..

I had a great time working with Medha and Nischita on the triloka project. It was both a professional and fun experience. The way I feel, talk, and react is different with different sets of people. I would not dream of fooling around with Deepti the way I do with Medha. I cannot imagine seriously designing clothes with Manasa. I cannot imagine meeting up and simply talking to catch up with Varun like I enjoy with Kruthika- we always have to DO something. Very, very different. Yet, I’m more than happy with ALL. It amuses me.

My eyes have a serious problem with bright monitors. I narrow my eyes as if I were talking to the sun or something. Sometimes I feel like buying sunglasses so that I could wear them every time I use the computer. Can you imagine that? Hehe..

I remember thinking about 4 years back (when I was finalizing architecture)- that I wanted to take up something that won’t require me to dumbly- (I think the word does not exist)-sit in front of the comp for thirteen hours a day. Come to think of it, I do spend a lot of time working on the comp these days- most of the work produced impossible without the machine. ‘I might as well have become a software engineer’, I sometimes think. Not because its easier to do, but because I actually loved programming in college- it would have simplified my life. What I am happy about, though, is the fact that I still have the capability to think outside of the computer, merely use it as a tool- programming only being a method used to instruct the computer to perform a task that you want to get done- a task, mind- for a higher purpose. Its the task, not the handing over of the task- the goal is not efficient instruction, but the design value of the project- something that a machine cannot produce. The computer can help me draw the design differently, but it cannot help me design differently.

I am sipping mango milkshake as I write. I LOVE mangoes and anything to do with them- the 'luvvvv' is purely unconditional. :)

I simply DO NOT understand why people do not comment in my blog. I talk about things that are very easily perceivable by all; and my opinions-(whenever I do have them, that is)-are extremist. Yet, no one stands up against them. Like when I say, “I think we as a human race are stupid.”- does no one have anything to say about it? Or do you just agree with me?! I don’t think so.

I really appreciate the efforts that BMTC is putting in towards good bus transport in Bangalore. They’re contacting designers for everything- right from the design of their bus terminals to the design of the 2 zillion bus stops in the city. They have a strategy, an intent- they want bus stops to be designed in a way so as to redefine the image we have of city bus transport. The big boss of BMTC speaks the language of design. I have never seen that happen in India at such a public level. Its an amazing feeling. But then, recently, I saw the new design of the bus stop, and I hated it. That’s the catch. The minute any issue is handed over to the community of designers, it’s a debate. There is no fool-proof ‘excellent’ design. There exists something called a bad design, too. How can we expect ordinary citizens to make the effort and haul the project over to the designer if, ultimately, half of us do not approve of the design? The client would rather get a contractor to 'design' it rather than get into the endless debate with no factual base? The client has no drive. That, I think, is the sad part.

I’ve pasted a roll of paper all along the walls in my room- 2’ high, at eye level. I call it my scrap book. Anybody can write anything on it- reminders, thank u notes, stick pictures, make lists, scribble deadlines, and the like. I love it. It makes things so easy to put down. This is one of those things that live with us, and something we can carry forward as reminders of the past. Now that my universal book of the semester wont exist anymore, I’ve been looking for alternatives to capture the moments we spend as time trots along...

I never write/wrote the date in any of my books in school and college. I thought it pointless. Ironic, eh?

Crossovers between various strata in the society are such interesting events. Movies are made of them. They are rather rare, too. I experienced it recently. Somehow, the great bridge has not yet been constructed. Love marriages are trying their luck at it.. maybe it’ll take longer. But then again, it’s a fundamental difference that’s rather unique to our species, don’t you think? I mean, is there distinction like that in snakes? Ants? hmm...

I used autocad today for the first time to a satisfied finish. I usually don’t prefer ‘computer generated’ design because the drawings feel shallow; the missing pencil lines strip them of substance. Also, cad takes like a million years to finish- I can never complete a cad drawing. Also, there are so many issues related to machinery failure: no electricity, no ink in printer, no printer, no plotter, and worst of all- virus. “I just cannot understand WHY this hatch WONT WORK!!” Sandeep said today that computer generated drawings are more professional than hand made. ???. I dunno.

Yesterday I watched my friend play tennis. Great game, tennis. My immediate reaction was- ‘I want to learn too!!’. I love sport. But then there is this thing of the jack and the master, and I don’t know if I should let myself try everything. Its confusing to be good at everything as opposed to excellent at one. The other day I played squash, and I was named a natural. They say you shouldn’t play both tennis and badminton. I love playing badminton, and I am dying to learn tennis. Hmm..

I think I am a rigid designer. I am unable to draw as easily as the pencil allows one to. I don’t know what the origin of this is, but its rather difficult for me to draw random lines on site. Just can’t. This semester when I incorporated a rollercoaster in my design, I intended to free myself- so as to be able to see the possibilities. Not that right angles are bogus, but to get a taste, know the horizons. Its not as easy- and this semester didn’t work. I wonder if I should try again in thesis. Thesis, they say, is the most important creation of an undergrad. Should I make this an experiment? This is not the real question in my mind. The real one calls out to time. Should I cry out to revive, or should I embrace the new? Is revival a pointless attempt at keeping something as it is, while we all know that change is the one notable constant in the universe? I don’t know what the exact intent of my architecture is- its rather hazy at the moment. In some cases, it gets sentimental. Like the temple. Should we carry the burden like a box and place it on newly cleared land, or should we try to accept temples of aluminium cladding panels? What is today? Is it what it has become, or is it what we want it to be?

I recently attended a panel discussion on how to reduce the gap between architectural education and the profession. And got royally blasted from HOD for it. He thinks it’s a waste of time- says that the ‘panel’- does not have even one architect who actually knows what he’s talking about. I wouldn’t agree completely- I’m not saying I was ‘inspired’ by the experience, but I did get some insight into the problems we’re facing as a community. Some things were right on display, very much like HOD said. I believe that attending these kind of forums help you- in some way or the other- at least they help me form an opinion on the various issues of architectural education. They help you come face to face with the city’s architects. They give you a chance to stand up and ask questions to the selected ones. They help in creating your opinion of them- it’s definitely not a waste of time.

My final design review is in a week. We are to propose a metro station with added facilities on Bangalore’s most important road- the mg road. I have proposed an ‘infotainment’ centre with the station. The main agenda is to keep alive the organic skyline created by the unique green stretch. I am helping the dense pedestrian edge of the mg road spill onto the road (the road dips below as a subway), and fold into my building across the street- underground. The terminal and the building are one; one can see the trains pass as they sip coffee in the café. This might be a problem for the acoustics- the maddening sound created by the arriving train must be muffled. I have to detail it still. Hmm..

Its been a long time since I wrote. I wonder if it makes any difference to the quality of writing at all- unhealthy amounts of break- how are book authors supposed to handle it? ‘Sharpen the saw’.

My student life is coming to an end. I wont be attending any more building construction theory classes. I wont be attending any structures classes anymore. Planning, theory, sociology, history. The same madness that a combination of an eccentric genius as HOD, crazy faculty, peers who are more interested in the rain than the solar angles, the existence of ‘mediocre’ work, mass bunking, group ‘presentations’, and escapist attitude- cannot be dreamt of replacing. Unquestionable- in a masters course. Hehe. It was fun, to dream in class of the cup-noodles at the gate, and the free class at the end of the week. Architecture was fun when it was being taught. Now let’s see if it’ll be fun actually learning it. :)

I saw a couple of books today- ‘how to draw in fashion design’, and ‘textile design and fall of materials in fashion’. I think I am going to be buying them. It’s such a great feeling to be earning money. These books will be my home study. I guess this is what I can do at most- I cannot study everything although I am interested in it all. I cannot go to college till the end of my life; but then this would mean being busier. Hmm...

In my life till now, I have been doing it all. Playing volleyball, studying for exams, participating in competitions, organizing events, spending time with family, stitching, making paper, traveling, et al. But recently, it has been too much. So much, that I have to begin to prioritize; some things are more important. I am still doing them all, but am not expecting the world from them all. I have seen important relationships go weak due to lack of quality time given to them; I am half there already, and its time I turned around. My cousins are important to me; I want my children to have a secure and lovable family. Look at the gujjus. This against the attendance of one semester of one year of graduate degree in my entire life. What is priority? My brother’s wedding. A one time syndrome. Togetherness. Rituals. Family. Fun. Memories of a lifetime are made at weddings. Any Indian’s single most important day is her wedding day. This against one design studio in my undergraduate life. What is priority? Playing volleyball. Those have been the most enjoyable and most memorable moments of my school and college life. I am the captain of the university level team. What do you do when you have a design review the same day as the last volleyball tournament of your life? What is priority? Which would I remember during my last days?

By some good luck of mine, I stumbled across the serial ‘Hum Paanch’ yesterday...was like a breath of fresh air. Madness. The dialogues are not witty; its slap-stick comedy- but the innocence of the characters filled my heart. Beautiful. That mad woman sings her heart out every time she opens the door. ‘Dada’, ‘Bhai’. Hehe...the attempt is honest; there is no faking or saas-bahu involved. And yes, its Ekta Kapoor. She started this way. Where has she chosen to end up? Why?

I went with the driver today to pick up smitha from work. It felt like I visited an entirely new city. Not because the city looked or felt different (every single city in the world today looks and feels the same), but because we passed a lot of farmland before the city emerged again. It was kind of surreal; watching all the building activity against the farms- from an air conditioned environment- felt like someone was showing me a movie..a movie showcasing change that human settlements bring to the earth. We’re doing quite the harm.. if we observe, the most significant thing that development kills is anything natural- to make way for the artificial. Trees, soil, earth, land, sky, climate, rain, temperature, air, the atmosphere. We’re changing it all. We must do something.

I designed my own clothes for my brother’s wedding. I think they were quite the success. Hehe..

I used to wonder why people kept recording what they were doing on travels. I didn’t think it important; thought it would remain in my mind- every moment, every reaction. I think I was partially right, but still, something concrete would make it more real. I was right in thinking that no words can express how I felt at the biggest stupa in sri lanka, or how I felt at the taj mahal. I can still feel it; I just have to close my eyes- and concentrate. But I cannot share it; I cannot tell my mom how I felt. There must be some way. Photography ruins the involvement with space; you are more engrossed in focusing the frame than feeling the wind. Can we not record our feelings somewhere?

I have just realized that every pain, every emotion, every reaction- is all in the mind; when the mind is deviated, they can cease to exist. I had a very painful experience with a fungal infection on my foot about a year back- and the timing couldn’t have been worse. It was the day of the vtu volleyball tournament. I was limping; it hurt at every step. I was determined to play still; I wanted to play my favourite sport. I entered the court- and then, nothing mattered. I did not remember my foot- or the pain- I could only think of the opponent’s serve. It was beautiful; I think we should all experience this emotional high- it shows how we let small things rule our lives, while they can be buried under something that we can actually choose.

I love the fall of crepe. Such a beautiful material. Double umbrella makes it hang at the sides; and the peeko finish makes it flow like water. The sparse embroidery balances perfectly with the jacquard jacket; the height difference between the two skirts couldn’t have been lesser. I didn’t realize it was as heavy until the function was over; and heels didn’t help either. People said I looked good, so I guess it was worth it. Hehe..

We use bore well water at home. If I remember correctly, bore well water is hard water, and the salts that make water hard are carbonates and bicarbonates of calcium and potassium. So basically when any vessel is in constant use, these salts remain on the surface of the container. Same with my shower head. I must clean it. The pores are almost completely blocked by the salt remains. I wonder why such small things take up so much of our mental energy.

I have been traveling for quite some time now. I have traveled across India- Ahmadabad, Chandigarh, Delhi, Jaipur, Simla, Pondicherry, Madurai, Aurangabad, Mysore, Mumbai, Pune, Hyderabad, Goa, Agra, Mussurrie, Kanyakumari, Bijapur, Belur, Halebid, Hassan, Tumkur, Dharwad, Chittradurga, Hyderabad, and most recently, the island nation of sri lanka. This reminds me of the punch line of the programme ‘globe trekker’- “Did they tell you it was a small world? Try this on for size!”

I read a couple of blogs today. Every person has a distinct style of writing. Now this distinct ‘style’ that we call it, is a default thing; she does not intend to write the way she does; its instinctive. Don’t you think writing is an involuntary activity? I’m sure you cannot make your writing as it is; the characteristic emerges- its not a goal. Which is why, no matter how ‘badly’ someone writes, its still very unique- incomparable. Which means that every single person’s writing should be celebrated; it cannot be reproduced in any other timeline.

If someone is ‘creative’, does that mean that she lives creatively? How different are ‘being creative’ and ‘living creative’? I, for one, cannot separate the two. How can someone have a certain attitude at work, and change completely at home? If in architecture I insist on design as necessity, how can I not think the same in my own clothing? If everything in architecture has to be custom made, so does in clothing, jewellery, and shoes. How can creativity of an architect not be seen outside of the studio? If an architect is asked to so much as talk, will she not talk differently?! I see the difference everywhere- between being it, and living it. Is it so diffcult to live what you are? I am a designer; I live design.

SRI LANKA. When people ask me how my tour of the country was, I simply smile- I cannot begin to explain the emotions I went through- I actually mean it now- words are not enough. Saying that it was ‘awesome’ categorizes it into an excitement filled excursion, -which it was not- but it indeed was AWESOME. Most of all, I think I’m in love with the people- they remind me of what we were a decade back. Earlier when someone returned from a trip and pronounced that they love the people of the place, I used to think it impossible to understand the people of an entire community- all in a couple of week’s time. But now, I know. I cannot explain. Beautiful.

People keep using the word ‘inspired’ very often. Personally, I think it’s a really, really strong word, and should be used only at exceptional emotional highs- “I’m inspired.” I remember not wanting to use it for the past 21 years of my life- but now, I must. There is nothing else. But I’m sure people wont understand the gravity of it’s use- very much like the tooth relic temple in kandy- not all can understand how important that structure is to the lankans. Paradigm shift.

A mad friend of mine has been quite irritated with the colour of my wardrobe. She thinks its all rather too dull. She hates the brownes and beiges- the greens and the blacks. She says that if I lie down on the earth and someone saw from high above, I couldn’t be pointed out.. Now, I seriously doubt if that was a compliment, but the statement hit me. “we are all created out of mud, and one day all of us will end up as mud”. If she so much as smells this positive reaction, she will slit my throat. Seriously.

I love putting mehendi. But it’s a very, very tedious task. It takes hours, and hours, and hours of hardwork. And all for a temporary tattoo. Never mind that, I think it’s worth it. Recently I was ‘hired’ to apply mehendi for an engagement, and I applied my studio concepts to the design. It worked, and beautifully. I was right; design is design- be it fashion, textile, jewellery, or product. They are one, and we shouldn’t be distinguishing them. The different degrees in education may help in focusing on one, but they are essentially one- design- and one passionate mind can take them all.