Two things have happened to me that have recently changed my value system: I have lived in France for a year, and I have not owned a Smartphone.

For someone who lived and worked in Bangalore, Mumbai and London, I was on track to be a normal, ambitious individual, aiming for success and wealth. I was yearning to prove myself, secure a great job, and get on with settling down in a big city. Then something happened that I did not intend: I learnt better. When the chance came to throw everything away and move to a small town in eastern France with my husband, I did just that. I did not speak the language, did not have a job, did not eat meat, and did not know how to cook. What was I thinking?! For the third time in my life, I was in a foreign land, navigating a new culture and life.

Beginnings were really hard, and most of the time I found myself confused by French priorities. Why was everything about food? Why was no one talking about politics, career, money and possessions? Why did it never come up that I owned a dumb phone? It took me a while but soon enough I found the contentment, calm and peace that prop up the French town life. Nobody talks about possessions because that’s not what life is about. Spare time is not a luxury saved for precious entertainment, but a conscious attempt to experience pleasure. Nobody talks about their career because talking about life is more important. Everyone I met was ambitious and hard-working, but for them, talking about going to the park with their daughter on a sunny Saturday was more important than talking about owning the newest iPhone. 


Life suddenly paused for me, making me see things I had written off or ignored in middle class India. Life is not about proving something to society or about uploading pictures on facebook. It is about the feeling of contentment and peace, of friendships that are not about convenience, of discussions over what gives us happiness – and none of it has to do with money. My husband and I had to live very frugally in France, but we found joy in walks along the river, drinking the cheap wines and hanging out with local friends on park benches.

I began feeling lucky everyday as I conquered previous uncertainties: I got a great job, took French lessons, and started cooking wonderful food that made us very happy. I was living a beautiful life, saving more than I was spending. I wished we could stay on, but American opportunities came calling, and we decided to give it a shot. In the knowledge that we were to move away soon, I did not invest in a Smartphone contract in France. The world moved on in the meantime – whatsApp became the coolest new way to maintain friendships – a convenient way to manage hundreds of acquaintances. “It is as good as local texting, so we don’t have to spend on international texting!” Does it not matter that emailing is free? 


Now living in the States, I am a local text away from a bunch of my old friends. And yet, almost nobody texts me. I am shocked by good friends, who refuse to look at me as I have a serious conversation over dinner, continuously texting on their phone. How did that happen? My mother, speaking to me over skype from halfway across the world, cannot get her eyes off her game as I discuss my portfolio and career path. How did it come to this?

Perhaps the age of deep relationships is over. It is now about acquaintances, possessions, entertainment, and 500+ facebook-friends. As a design researcher, how will this reflect in my work? Should I help design more apps so that more and more of my friends don’t make eye-contact in a conversation? Must I just accept the new life priorities and immerse myself in them?