I’m the spontaneous kind; I do things that sound completely mad, and I love myself for it. It is the only thing in life that is exciting. People tend to give in to the rush hour and lose themselves in the hurry of making it on time. Suddenly no one seems to think it great to have friends from school; it is greater to stay up months together for gre. It’s cool to be too busy to care; too busy borrowing books heavier than themselves to spend time with their friends on their birthday. We’re heading towards mumbai, I think. Wonder if we can find a way to keep in mind what matters to us more than green notes.

I’ve always thought it stupid to write a diary. I don’t remember exactly why. Quite an interesting hobby it is, though, to read what you’ve written earlier. It sounds mad- being excited about reading your own story, written by- again- yourself. Diaries give us a sense of time more than anything else, I think, because otherwise time is just trying its hardest to slip away, unnoticed. Wonder what it is that we celebrate on birthdays, the passing of time or the closeness of death?

I don’t like to feel fear; I would know it is fear that I am feeling and I hate it. I hate getting scared by the test tomorrow; the presence of something unexplainable; the idea of walking in the dark on the streets. It is quite unlike me to get scared of something simple like the prospect of taking a tablet, but I do. I hate the sensation of ‘swallowing’. I hate feeling scared of a huge dog, hoping that it just wouldn’t jump...i am quite uncomfortable with the idea of unforgiveness, even though I must never have gotten any close to pinching anyone. I am scared of not aiming high enough; that is the one thing that could destroy you...i must learn. What exactly, I do not know.

I think I have fairly good communication skills. But of late, I have realized that I do get stuck up a lot of times. I say ‘umm..’ and ‘er..’ more often than I would like to say them. My vocabulary consists of no more than twenty words. I dare not write; my spellings could kill- literally. Wonder if reading might help. Most people say it does. How the hell did I get this far without reading then?! It must be talent, just the beginning. I must put in more effort. I care, but I don’t understand what exactly im waiting for.