The world is not enough.

My mother says that hers’ is the generation that is sandwiched between the known, traditional past and the shockingly redefined future. In one generation, she says, we have moved from a point of utmost respect for the elderly – which granted them the power to run the household under their orders – straight down to the point where grandparents today are expected to take care of the kids and cook for their working daughters-in-law. She’s right. This is brand new, and whether or not we are in a position to judge the ‘correctness’ of this development – it is going to sustain. But then again, is hers’ the only generation to go completely off track from the previous and the known? What about my children? We grew up with Chitrahaar and Sukh Sagar – Coffee day and Pizza Hut was unknown and rare – and now, kids ten yrs younger are alien to me. If I struggle to understand college kids today, how am I ever going to handle priorities a whole generation ahead of me? God help us all.

Each conversation with Praveen is packed with powerful opinions, mind-blowing questions, and shocking facts. All in one. It’s like a session in self learning. I wonder if I could take more than a couple of hours with him – maybe too much to digest? Just the thought of him makes me want to get up and read, debate, define. He makes me want to know exactly what I’m saying, and think. Think! Aditya does that to me too, but there is one fundamental difference – I see disappointment in Aditya’s eyes – a feeling of a great let-down everytime we speak. And in Praveen’s, I see patience. Patience to let me grow, to let me make the mistakes, to let me reach higher, to let me have the time. Patience to accept that I am not there yet. I bet the roles would be reversed if Praveen was my brother and Aditya a friend. I find it strange that we take it upon us as responsibility to oversee the ‘growing up’ of siblings – to make sure they ‘reach their potential and equal the heights of achievement of family’. One can never escape the illustrious family – only try.

Is academics is an escape? Escape from the real problems, the true nature of the markets, demand and supply, survival and reality? Praveen told me, “ . . think of what kind of business you want to run – successful or good.” Why is the ‘real world’ enormously different from the expected trajectory of study? I know (if not understand) the working systems of the world today are just as fascinating – quirky, cunning, and ugly all at the same time. Aditya always says “Let the markets decide. The working of the system is both inevitable and logical. Everything happens for a reason.” Somewhere in between, our self-constructed ‘morals’ come and go – leaving us with choices that make us. The trick is to make the choice – to consciously understand its repercussions and projections. Well, that’s just the start!

Technology is the devil.

Happiness is an illusion. To keep shifting goals, to always want what you cannot have – isn’t that the reality of all human life? Isn’t that also the drive? What is the point of a monk’s life? Can ‘bliss’ be really achieved by letting go of all human wants? Then what?? How about letting the present make us smile as we live? I have started enjoying moments – in the real-time that we live and have control of – an effort to stop romanticizing the past and getting anxious about the future. Today is all we’ve got – find your moments. Maybe because I think at the end that is happiness.

Shifting cities and cutting through various sets of friends, I have become cynical – a non believer in the permanence of relationships. I am beginning to think it’s not a negative emotion either – I am not bitter – just at peace with the fact that things will be different, priorities will change, and people will move on. New is good. Are more friends better than good friends? It’s heroic to revolt at the thought, isn’t it? Whether or not we chose this reality, it is fairly accurate. Is friendship becoming synonymous with networking?

I can hear myself think again. It has been a long time.

“Stop chasing an impossibility”, I told myself 2 hours before the big party I was throwing to celebrate my RCA and scholarship victory. And as soon as I said the words, I realised I needed to hear them, if not for the first time then, at least 5 years ago. I do this to myself repeatedly – and unnecessarily – keep wanting the “perfectness” of every situation; I need to be able to let go. Because at the end, what matters is that the moment is enjoyable, and not ‘perfect’. I must prepare for my wedding – I can see it becoming the biggest‘event’ in my life I need to be ‘perfect’. At least I have the time !

Reading fiction can be addicting – a chance for an escape, an alternate universe – described by those whose livelihood depends on the skill of narration. Reality seems to feel dull and slow once you’re hooked.