I was just reading the stuff I have written, and I realized that in a paragraph-‘x’ paragraphs before this one, I talk about how the whole world more or less falls into one category-‘ordinary’-and that it is so diffcult to be ‘different’. And then, soon after that paragraph, I talk about how I am amused by the fact that each person is soo ‘different’ from another-and I wonder how people could possibly be so distinct. He he...Am I contradicting myself? Or is it that I am talking about two distinct topics, and that they cannot be compared on the same plane?

It’s difficult for me to type or think anything when a song is playing...-kept in the dark- I cannot seem to be able to concentrate...–so many words for the broken heart- music can be such a great distraction...-your every wish will be done, they tell me- I cannot listen to a song and do something else simultaneously...for example, while I’m typing this, there’s just some sound in the background, and I’m thinking about what I am typing. And when I finish typing, I go back to the song, and start humming with it. When I start typing again, I don’t remember what song is playing at all. It’s like I’m going in and out of the song...very much similar to the zooming in and out of the eye, trying to focus on two things almost one behind the other, 10 feet from the eye. You can’t focus on both at the same time- you can actually feel your eye zooming in and out, keeping up with human will.

I read about a famous Pakistani fashion designer today...Apparently, he is educationally qualified to be an architect! Immediately I felt that this designer chap was a cheater to his community- like he had done something that he should’nt have. Then, right after that, I saw a possibility for me. I told myself, “Even I could do that...” Would I be a traitor too? Or is it just that when people finally find their passion, you should be supportive of their courage to switch careers...? Like Shankar Mahadevan. Software enginner at Wipro to music director in bollywood.

What is the plural of ‘genius’? :)

Earphones just DO NOT fit in my ears properly. The tiny speakers keep falling off- it’s quite a nuisance to use them. Apparently I don’t have a tiny lobe in my ear that is supposed to hold them up. And if I somehow manage to keep them in place, and listen to music with zero movement( quite a sight, that is, mind-), i cannot keep them on for more than an hour- it hurts. Each one of us has such unique problems :)

My mom keeps asking me to clean my room. Why do all mothers keep asking their children to clean their respective rooms? I don’t get it- it’s unmistakably universal. What are these children going to grow up and tell their children? Don’t tell me I’m going to grow up and tell my children to clean their rooms. Hehe.. Is it a cycle? Does everybody grow up to realize that rooms should be cleaned? :)

A friend in my class was wearing a dull-green looking shirt today. When I looked closely, it was composed of vertical strips in four colours- off-white, black, dull-orange, and green- in the same order. Why did the shirt look green overall? Isn’t green supposed to have least scattering property in the spectrum or something like that? By that theory, the shirt should have looked orange, right?

I loved the movie swades. That is the only movie in which shah rukh does not make his ‘standard-emotional-face’. He actually grips. I wonder if the director makes the difference. I personally think shah rukh can’t act for nuts. But then, I saw the episode of ‘koffee with karan’ starring rani mukherjee, kajol and shah rukh where he came across as such a charming man. So much energy, so approachable, so enthusiaistic. Karan had a segment where he spoke to a bunch of kids and asked them- ‘how many of you love shah rukh?’- Most of them raised their hands, screaming in delight. Shah rukh was interested in the 2-3 who didn’t. That’s like the most amazing thing, isn’t it? He’d probably want to have them convinced too. I don’t think aamir would have done that.

I LOVE the new tata safari ad. Not as a product seller, but for its starting point, and the most alarming realization of our life it brings forth- ‘Slavery is not dead, we’ve just stopped recognizing it. When did u agree to be continuously watched, to your life not being yours anymore?’ The visuals are simple, and stunning -literally. What have we made ourselves become?

Let’s say you are on your way to your best friend’s wedding reception. You are very well dressed, and can’t wait to hug her with congrats. You are so excited for her. You enter the wedding hall, and in the distance you can see brilliant light focusing on the stage. You walk closer, and all you can see from then on is the photographer’s head. Now, isn’t that just absolutely irritating? That’s what happens in today’s wedding- everything is done for the photograph. The groom put the garland around the bride’s neck. Oh no no, the photographer didn’t catch it, do it again. Aaarrgghhhh. Wedding photography is not a pictoral representation of a list of things that happen at the wedding, but it is the capturing of the emotion. Just as the mangalsutra is about to adorn the bride’s neck, she can see it right in front of her nose- she is both scared and excited at the same time- it is the moment of her life. Capture that. As the bride walks into the hall for the first ceremony, the anxious groom’s face is glowing- he can’t stop grinning. Capture that. The groom’s cousins are trying to flick the gifts. The bride’s detectives are trying to steal the shoes. North Indians are desperately trying to keep the mobile ‘saaru’ within the banana leaf. Jobless guests are playing cricket in hiding. The bride is eating a chocolate under her palloo. These are the moments that we miss, the times that we want to re-live and enjoy. Wedding photography should aim at capturing these too, if not only.

How do a left hander ride a two wheeler? Does she accelerate with her wrong hand? :)

I was weaving beads into a thread today. The selection of a bead at any point depends on the kind of bead in the string before this one, and the one that will come after it. This, I think, is the most understandable analogy of ‘relevence’. Architecturally, too. This is the context. The essence of urban design, Ananth Sir said. Simple, isn’t it? But then why do most architects today fail to realize it?

I bought a new wallet today. It looks bigger than the earlier one, and accomadates more. I cannot let go of my old one though. I wonder if it’s just me, or is it difficult for everybody to let go of things they have used for a long time?

When someone uses the word ‘fool-proof’, it sounds like an intelligent thing to say- the image that immediately comes to my mind is that of a CBI officer- working on a top-secret and ‘fool-proof’ mission... But if you look at it closely, the word contains the sub-word, ‘fool’. The image that comes to my mind is that of an air-head, who believes that if he stares hard enough, he can see the back of his head. Quite different from a CBI officer, don’t you think? :)

People can be so mean and cruel. So business-like. When it comes to money. PAISA. My dad says that for some people, when it becomes about the money, they could even refuse to identify their own parents...I wouldn’t have believed it earlier. Now I do. It’s like suddenly you have been pushed into this big bad world that you have been avoiding all your life. It’s thrown in your face- and it stinks. You dissolve, and become one of them- to survive them. I had not intended to make that leap at this point in my life- I have one and a half years more of schooling (or rather college-ing) to do. Maybe this rude shock will help me build my life further. OR maybe I’ve lost a couple of precious years of innocence I could have lived. Maybe this is what happens to kids whose lives are changed forever by tragedy. Maybe worse. The faith in the good is lost; the free air you breathe starts to smell suspicious. It IS a big bad world.

I was crossing a signal on foot yesterday, and I passed by a lady with a much distorted face. What came to my mind immediately was “oh, so sad...” WHY? It doesn’t matter how you look, right? How important is it for Tiger Woods to have better eyebrows? Would it make any difference to him at all if his face was distorted?? Amilie Mauresmuo (dunno the spelling)-My mom keeps groaning every time she watches her play- she claims the tennis player looks man-like. WHO CARES? SHE’S PLAYING THE WIMBLEDON FINAL. Can you do that? Can you even dream of getting there? Stephen Hawking. Should I say more? It does not matter how you look to become who you want to be or what you want to do in life. We're all living in the grays though, aren't we?

Asking for money can be so depressing and emotionally demanding. Even when you deserve it. Why is the whole world trying to negotiate? Why does everything run on money?

People are so different from one another. It amuses me. Each person has a different understanding of everything. How can everyone possibly be so different?? For example, I escorted various people to my site, and they all loved it, but for fundamentally different reasons. My mom loves the openness, my dad loves the hollow clay block as it is so different from all other building materials, my friend pooja loves it because there are angular lines in the plan. I am still to accompany many others. It will be amusing to discover all the reasons- and also the criticism.

I was remembering my second pu days yesterday. They were soo much fun. I don’t remember studying at all. I remember all the background things- writing records in class, taking part in inter-college events and winning, making and writing in slam books, entering late in class, eating ‘bajji’ at 8 in the night(13kms from my home), staying at friend’s places at nights in hope of studying(watching movies instead), spilling conc.HNO3 on my fingers, the smell of benzoic acid(I hope the name’s right), fighting with ashwin for seats every morning, trying to avoid varun but not his food(hehe), the teachers’s day function, the drama, the ‘junk’ with anuradha(that was some solid entertainment in class), speaking to vinay and gang(the most enjoyable moments of the two years), writing sandesh’s record, borrowing lab coats for chem. labs, cannizzaro’s reactions(alcohol+ aldehyde->something), talking and walking textbooks in class(:)), mr.PM(cannot even begin to explain), comp labs...If you noticed, it was my second pu. And I don’t remember anything about studying at all. And I scored 98.67%. I think it shows what is more important in life, and I was right when I wrote it in my slam book. The unfinished record doesn’t matter, the unfinished slam book does.

Interior design is the exploration into materials, textures and colour. The basic framework remains the same. Somehow I don’t like it. Architecture is very, very different from this understanding- it is the creation, or the formation. It is not about decoration, but about psychology of space. My understanding of interior design, as of today, is limited to small spaces, mostly residences. In magazines like inside outside, what comes across about interior design is that it’s all about being creative with materials; how you can roll what, and stick where. It does not speak about why the sofa is as wide as it is, or why seating has been restricted to this area/shape; how the selected materials have been arrived at, or how tall the wardrobe is. The wardrobe is always of the same height; the sofa is always as wide as it has always been. Circulation patterns and the physical dimensions of the space are determined by its architecture. Interior design is more-so the matching of patterns. Sheesh. Some interior designer is going to kill me soon. The thing is, I want to understand, I want to appreciate it. Maybe I’m not looking in the right places. Hmm...

How important is one’s age for acquiring experience? Does experience inevitably go hand in hand with age? Especially in this time period, in a city like Bangalore. Does my dad know more about mistakes made in the teenage or do I? He has experience; he has been through it himself, and also seen dozens of others through it. He has had two decades to reflect upon it. I, on the other hand, have just about crossed it. Or so I believe. But I claim to know more about the attitude of teenagers today and thus their mistakes, than my father. Am I right? I wonder if I’m going to contradict myself once I have had two decades to reflect upon these years.

Why is it so difficult to be different? Why does almost everything I see around me belong to one category- ‘ordinary’? It wonders me- it should actually be the opposite, right? Isn’t it always difficult for everything to be same? Isn’t it difficult for 20 dancers to synchronise? It’s impossible for two people to think in the same exact way. Still there are few who are ‘different’. Why are multi millionaires so rare? Why is ‘doing-things-differently’ considered great? Why am I always looking for that something ‘different’? Everyone knows what being ‘different’ means, everyone wants to be different. ‘Alag’. Still no luck. What’s the point?

I think I think a lot. I’ve been told that- a lot of times. Even that parrot-astrologer team said that I think “too much”. Hehe...also, I ask a lot of questions. Apparently I’m very moody. I didn’t know that. Till I became moody. Or so I believe. If it is that I have always been moody, it just reminds me of the things that I am, and not know of. I have never really known myself- bhavana has, though. She wrote ‘moodiest person I know’ in one of the greeting cards she gifted me-ages before I knew I was a moody person. I frowned innocently at that phrase then, but now I know. I wonder if my mother knows me. I wonder if I’m different with my friends than I am at home. I don’t know. I wonder if this has anything got to do with the fact that I’m a Gemini. Feels good to have an excuse :)

Yesterday I suddenly remembered my late night walks with mama. My legs would cry- trying to hold up my weight- but it was worth it. Those were the times that I actually spoke to him- he was himself- free and fun- the one person I miss a lot in my life. He was the person back then who made the effort to pretend to/ actually take me seriously. He expects something of me, and when I am with him, I believe I can do it. He is one person very, very, very difficult to impress, or be complimented by, and I will always remember that he gave me an A+ when I asked him to ‘critique’ me. Of course, after that he told me one million things that I might go wrong with in my life- but I believed that I could overcome them because he believed I could. Wow. A strong burst of warmth comes to my heart every time I think of him.

I feel like I am already one generation behind the youngsters of today. Or rather, they are one generation ahead of me. It’s rather irritating to see where people of Bangalore are headed- attitude wise. School kids are corrupted. Latest I heard- kids of class 8 place mirrors on the floor at girl’s desks. You know what I did when I was in class 8?? I looked like a maid servant’s daughter, sang happily in the corridors, played dumb charades in class, and participated in the rangoli competition. What’s happening today? Make-up. Waxing. Razor hair-cut. Style. Sex. Yes, I have heard school kids use that word in a manner that even I will not. They’re 14 years old for god’s sake! How did we come to this? Is this what ‘metropolitan’ means? Is this what ‘smart kid’ means? Kids bunking school to watch a movie at pvr! I think the worst thing still is the fact that we cannot do anything. When children grow up in an environment where life is expensive and they can afford it, I think it’s the worst thing that can happen to them. I didn’t know the meaning of the rudest words in the English language till about 6 months back. I used to wonder if I was embarrassing to others- worst even- to me. Not anymore.

My friend recently gifted me a tinkle. I felt so warm. I wonder if the stories in the tinkle have changed. I still remember a few stories from the tinkles I read when I was a kid. The tsunami one, the one where the rich guy teaches the poor guy how to fish instead of giving him a fish to eat, the one about a boy with butter fingers, the suppandi ones, and so many more. I think we adults should once in a while go back to such simple activites of our childhood. It helps understand where we stand today, and remind ourselves that everything can be simple still. I gifted my brother a bow and arrow made of bamboo on his birthday, and a piece of paper I made for another’s birthday. I just absolutely love making gifts for people. It’s the most inexpensive gift you can give yourself :)