y does everything need a title?

2011-12-02T12:47:00.000-08:00

"I understand that you are sorry, but you’re still not trying.”

Something’s definitely the matter with my skull. If I try to listen to instrumental music to block out green noise within the studio whilst I work, my brain goes out of its way to find a harmonic pattern and forces my mind to interfere with the audio, trying to find a pattern to analyse. Why, why? Why can it simply not be a stupid thing that can be fooled into distraction from the studio noise? Thank God I’m doing a project on sound.

"The natural evolution from design doing to design thinking reflects the growing recognition on the part of today’s business leaders that design has become too important to be left to designers."

How often does it happen that someone says things you desperately want to write down, begging your brain to retain the memory whilst you blink in awe? And what happens when this repeats over and over, thanks to one person who takes you by storm? Short, crisp, accurate and piercing, the words burn my mind. How one deals with remarkably smart people around them, I have realized, is a very important reflection of their learning ability and maturity. No one can escape the awareness of a better decision, better situation or better ability; the key lies in embracing the better, not letting one’s sore ego ignore the revelation.

2011-08-24T08:18:00.000-07:00

“We should probably buy a pack of cards”, Ashley said as he was briefing us on the Mali shopping list, “I have a feeling we’re going to be stuck outside or inside something, maybe even between something. Given some rope, a book of knots and a pack of cards, we should be happy until we’re rescued!” Surprisingly ecstatic for something that could be fatal, I noted, only to remember the skill requirements for the project: a sense of humor. Even as I got my yellow fever vaccination last month, the advice for rabies prevention was: “Stay away from dogs. If one starts chasing after you, just run faster.” We’re not planning on getting upto any risky business, strictly speaking – only scavenging around the most rural parts of one of the poorest countries in the world, looking for scraps of materials to build a light with. We’re going to return (that’s the hope) with plenty of ‘fun’ stories to tell!

“It is dangerous to put a dreamer in power.”

“Maybe it is not advisable to be an optimist after the age of 30. Maybe pessimism is something we have to start applying daily, like moisturizer. Otherwise, how do you bounce back when reality batters your belief system? Is hope a drug we need to go off of? Or is it keeping us alive?”

Thinking about setting a Tiffany’s solitaire as a goal for my ‘middle age’, I was discussing the grand plan with Smitha. “If you study for an MBA,” she said, “you will lose the value associated with diamonds.” Turns out, DeBeers has been, until recently, manipulating the supply of – therefore controlling prices of – diamonds. With a shockingly dominant position with respect to diamond trading, diamond mining, and industrial diamond manufacturing sectors, it is well known for its monopolistic practices. Naturally then, I should lose interest in the relative value of diamonds. No. I am all the more intrigued and amused. As I realize that we live in a world of relative freedom, thought and progress, absolute value seems irrelevant. Our very existence seems defined by a cost worked backwards from a value that changes with those in power. Even truth has a relative meaning. In this virtual reality, if diamonds are precious, so be it. I want a big one.

2011-08-17T09:16:00.001-07:00

“Life is too short to be rolling tape.”

As I was explaining the intent of my summer project at RCA, I was blown away by a friend’s response. “We’re designing a portable lighting device for the rural context of Mali”, I was telling him when he interrupted me to ask- “Designing a light? What is there to design in a light? It’s just a bulb!” Hmm. Where do I start? I have had this conversation many, many times over, and yet I cannot see an escape. No solution, no light, no answers. Why, why?! If the arts are so pointless, why do they even survive today? Why do they exist, and why are they highly valued in developed societies? Why do so many people want to be designers in rich countries, so as to oversubscribe to university seats? “A designer’s work is his reward, unlike Bankers who have to be paid excessively to be kept at their desk.” Is this ever going to be true in the Indian context? This question might just take my lifetime to find a peaceful retreat.

“Nobody ever wins or loses when it comes to women. You just talk about your feelings until your breath is sucked out of your body; all men are pawns when it comes to women, especially the smart ones.”

It is easy to identify good friends – the ones who really care about you and want good things to happen to you – they are behind every expressed doubt, concern and unsure tone. They are the ones who say, “Are you sure about this?” and “You’re being really stupid” or “Just wait. You must learn to have patience.” If somebody corrects you, they’re definitely good-friend-material. If they express an awkward silence to a decision that you secretly know is wrong, they’re doing you a favour. And when they sincerely want to know everything going on in your life from one continent and an ocean away, they’re changing your life.

Some moments in time cannot be erased from memory; they are safeguarded, soft and delicate, in the deep pockets of one’s mind. Those that make some impossibly long journeys worth the wait, those that refresh your tired mind with just one image, those that give you courage to stop doing the wrong things, those that are worth fighting for, and those that keep your faith alive. They are rare and precious – and as I gather them with passing time, I realize I have been deeply fortunate. How did I get here? When did I begin to matter? I cannot believe this feeling – of acceptance and love – and it makes me grateful for this day, all the time accepting that tomorrow might be different. In the meanwhile though, I smile to myself as I think of Varun, and the 15-second hug that was worth it all.

2011-07-09T12:36:00.000-07:00

“So who’s the guy in your orbit?” Lol.

It is a liberating thought: Food is not necessarily consumption in the sequence popularized by your default culture, but a delicious mass that fills your stomach. That’s it. It could be anything, in any sequence, as long as it gives you a good feeling and a balanced vitamin intake. Once you’ve realized this, creativity presents itself: mixing random flavours, hunting down unheard-of spices from all over the world (available locally at your nearest Sainsbury, hehe), inventing courses around your favourite vegetables, questioning the aesthetics of a dish, crossing over between salad, curry and dessert, adding by instinct and judging by smell. “What if” explodes your palette, and in most cases, you end up with an “interesting” plate full of food. This circus makes for good self-entertainment, especially after a hard day at IDE!

“What if I had never met you?”

I love surprises, especially the kind that involve intellectual conversations with a stranger at random locations. Waiting for a delayed flight in Ahmedabad, I knew I had one coming my way as soon as a middle aged lady, dressed smartly in a crisp white starched saree, asked me: “May I have a look at your book?” “May I”, I noted. As we dove into conversation, I gathered that she had studied at IIMA more than 20 years ago for an MBA, worked for various firms as a consultant and was currently managing a university. She was sharp, articulate, enormously successful, intimidating, and ambitious. She was proud of what she had achieved, was a self-made person, and had clear goals for her future. Just when I was about to burst into tears for the inspiring picture she was painting for me, there it was: “...you see, I’m unmarried.” OMG. Why, why? I remember being monumentally relieved when I realized Varna Dhar was married – that was the first question on my mind after I learned that she was a Harvard Graduate. And even today, when I realized one of my friends works for Apple, I was overjoyed the first moment, and deeply concerned the next. This is both absolutely mental and severely disturbing. I know more than one woman that I feel for; but I also know those that have partners! I have to, I just have to, believe that there is hope.

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”

2011-07-04T07:55:00.000-07:00

“It seems that men can get out of a relationship without even a goodbye, but apparently women have to either get married, or learn something.”

There is no such thing as ‘perfect’. That word has no meaning in the real world. Not in the context of personality, situation, choice, food, or life itself. It only exists in dreamland and virtual reality: it is a tool used against us in a deeply capitalistic society. When everything around us tries to tell us that we’re not what we should be, it is a powerful feeling to realize that you don’t have to be what someone else thinks you should be. You just don’t. What matters is what’s important to you, and whose expectation you’re trying to live upto. Your own? Your partners’? Your parents’? Life is about making the mistakes, and consciously learning with time. Charlotte’s “oh, it’s not perfect yet!” speech is really annoying me.

Associating India with ‘colour’, ‘culture’ and ‘bollywood’ has been a common theme in England, but when I heard a man couple the name of the country with ‘arranged marriage’, I was taken aback. This is a new development. To my “I’m from India”, he replied with a “Oh, I hope you won’t be forced into arranged marriage! Don’t hurry your life decisions like that, take your time.” And this is the conversation between me and the salesman at Carphone Warehouse, the junkyard of gadgets. India needs an image-makeover.

My nose is trying to fall off my face.

I have missed being alone. I realize this now, enjoying the silence in Ala’s house, all by myself in this beautiful, beautiful house. My body is conversing with the exposed concrete ceiling, agreeing with the full height windows and commending the stark white walls. I am enjoying being the only mobile thing in this flat, peacefully hearing myself breathe. It seems like a luxury, in one of the world’s most expensive cities, to be able to hear yourself think. It’s not too late yet.

2011-06-26T23:15:00.000-07:00

What is the job description of a friend? What role are they meant to play in one’s life? “Boyfriends come and go, but friends will always be by your side, standing close to comfort you through the tough times.” How is it possibly their problem, if one decides to do stupid things or is stuck in a bad spot? Why should they invest energy and time into a plummeting situation that does no good for anybody? If patience is what a certain task/phase/event demands, why is it the friends’ job to ‘handle’ the impatient one? “If this does not go well today, I need to know you will be there for me.” What the hell? I feel sad for those who have to “be there” for me – listen endlessly, with patience and no judgment, spending precious time in telling me something I need/want to hear. If tricky situations blur one’s rational thought, is it then the friend’s responsibility to wipe it clean? Towards what cause, to what end? What are the incentives at work here? In this big circus, where does family feature? Do we/should we expect the same from family? This entire system just seems massively unfair to me, and my brain is disagreeing to such dependence. If you have a problem, deal with it. Don’t waste other people’s time.

What happens when you have much to say, and no words to utter? When you’re feeling a ton of emotion, but cannot express it through speech? Your friends cannot understand what’s going through you, and it seems like your body seals all pathways out of itself. That’s when you wonder if we live to communicate, share and express; or to experience absolute emotions on our own. It gives me a high to think that I might know or feel something that is only within me; unspoken and undiluted. This reminds me of keeping secrets – is “being secretive” just an attempt at solo experience? That would be immediately labeled deeply selfish and ‘aloof’. What then, is ‘loneliness’? This cannot be a choice we make, for the word is soaked with sadness. Is there a positive word for aloneness? Are human beings fundamentally social animals or is it something that society slaps on us as we ‘grow’?

Too many questions.

I remember crying, many years ago, over a shoe-bite on my right toe; it was such a big deal – it hurt a lot and nobody seemed to care enough. Yesterday, walking as fast as I could demand from my body, I realized that my toe was bleeding; and only one thought came to my mind – “I don’t have time for such crap.” I kept walking, and this time, it didn’t hurt or bother me, and nobody else knew. I simply washed my feet later, and moved on. Is this what ‘growing up’ does to your life? Shows you the bigger problems that need dealing with, sets priorities so that you realize you’ve been petty your entire life? Manasi put it very well – “I cannot believe we’ve come down to this now – we can’t even have ten minutes of light conversation anymore – it’s all about the unresolved difficulties in life, the big picture, the goals and our directions.” I secretly like this state; feel like it has taken me a while to get here, but I’m here now, and I’ve earned it. I’m finally capable of a ‘mature’ conversation, opinion and direction – and I would much rather be here, today, than at any point back in time. This is why “getting older” doesn’t seem to scare me; 26 doesn’t scare me. It just makes me feel like I’ve come a long way, and have much longer to go.

2011-05-21T03:40:00.000-07:00

“You should never be scared to know better,” Mimi slipped into our conversation in Ahmedabad, with a scarily casual tone. Sounds like a simple sentence, that – but it actually is terrifyingly profound: it summed up the reason for my mental struggle back home. Mimi has a powerful command over language and expression – the epitome of crisp words conveying deeply philosophical thoughts. That girl is amazing; I love how everything she says hits me straight in the face – makes me think! I remember many, many such phrases from our conversations – each burned into my brain, forcing me to reconsider existing opinions, re-evaluate situations, and be open-minded. She is easily one of the smartest people I know, and has been an important part of my precious exposure at the RCA.

IDE is driving me crazy: it is making me more and more immune to psychotic behavior – it is stretching out my boundaries of ‘sane’! Every time someone walks through those double doors, I am less and less surprised to see their paraphernalia: cycle tyres, copper-sulphate solutions, pig bones, robot arms, clay butts, spittoons, brain-mapping-devices, metal foam, breast-pumps, popcorn-popping gizmos, etc! “What is that??” is a timeless question, and it remains relevant at all times in the studio :) One random day when I walked to my desk, I saw a 4’ tall plant in a pot, and I’ve enjoyed its company since. Nobody knows where it came from, and why it was at my desk; but I’m perfectly happy with that! Long Live the IDE Studio!

Africa!

Does passion need a trigger to show itself? In terms of an environment, a problem, or opportunity? If Gandhi was born in 1995 into an independent India, how different would his life be? Would the British rule have created a Gandhi earlier? Do circumstances create men of passion or do ‘great’ men perform irrespective of the situation? 23 year old men walked to their deaths for the country 60 years ago – would that happen now, or do we need horrific circumstances to be courageous? I’m amused.

2011-03-07T01:06:00.001-08:00

“What is the point of a ball bearing?”, I asked a shocked Aran today afternoon. It sounds so typically me, trying to get to the fundamental truth of everything. My brain has found a wonderful target in Aran; and once past the grin, he and I usually set off on very interesting journeys of logic, working systems and possibilities. What makes for such conversation buddies? A common curiosity? I think it’s much, much more than that. It is the attitude of knowing that you don’t know, be accepting of the fact that what you think is your opinion only. It is about being argumentative but not competitive, to seek the actual truth together. Yes.

Howl.

“Doing nothing is one of my favourite things”, I happened to hear myself say recently – and immediately wondered if it was a commendable thing or not. Doesn’t it almost sound sad, lazy and pathetic? What do I actually do when I’m doing nothing? I’mthinking. Finding food for thought in my surroundings, I’m always looking everywhere. I wonder why things are the way they are, what would happen should someone turn everything around. I question, but do not answer. “You’re very easily amused”, Rahmat keeps saying to me, "I like how you question everything." Who benefitted only by thinking and saying but not doing? Critics? Theorists? Damn.

Watching the Pope at the midnight mass on Christmas eve outside St.Peter’s, I wondered what he must be thinking. What he must be going through, judging himself against, expecting from himself. Wonder what mattered to him most at that point? How his fellow peers looked up to him? Or scrutinized him? Or how thousands of people within and outside the church symbolized him as a messenger of God himself? Who was he living up to? I think no matter how high you go in life, you’re always living up to your peers, forgetting how much you impact the rest. Why do we keep raising our own expectations? Is it for a sense of self-achievement? Or respect from peers? What about those whose lives we're changing? Earning respect from peers/critics Vs inspiring hundreds of people: which is more valuable, more purposeful, more satisfying?

2011-03-01T10:42:00.000-08:00

“Empty your brain” is the concept generation strategy at IDE. Very different from my previous understanding of the beginning to a project, I don’t yet know if this is working for me. “Pour it all out on paper,” they keep saying - fast, more and many is the aim here - as opposed to my previous understanding of one idea, one thought, one intent. “This ‘one idea’ ain’t coming to you, you need to get off your ass to get to it.” “If you cannot generate 30 ideas in 30 minutes, you shouldn’t be here,” Ashley once said to the class – does this reduce the intensity of passion for an idea? Or does it actually place it in a context and avoid being carried away to neverland? “You have to be able to let go of the brilliant idea for some grounding, only to return to it with more context”, Ravikumar Kashi told me – how important is it to let your brain rest before you reassess your idea? I realize now that ideas can be generated out of ideas – it is a journey, not an unexplained spark. Is this what ‘options’ means?

“You are the backbone of this kitchen”, I was telling Dina as she shifted the big pile of washed vessels into the cupboard – “What would we do without you!” Trust a geeky biologist to say, “Well, we would be invertebrates!” Lol. Every sentence in this house begins with “Biologically speaking..” or “According to the theory of evolution-”. Jeez. What was I thinking, agreeing to stay with not one, but three such cartoons!

“Where are you from?” is a very difficult question to answer, sitting in a restaurant in Brussels - what with being a Maharashtrian from Bangalore, studying in London. As Jacob said, “It’s not where you are from, it’s where you are now.” Yale boy, will make for a smart diplomat. Missing international trains can sometimes be rewarding.

I’m still a big architectural geek. One trip to the TU Delft Library, and I’m on a high – blown away by the volume, light and spaces: I’m in dreamland still - speaking of human emotion, scale and experience. Not to mention the finishing materials, their meeting edges, frames, foreground and lines of sight. Clicking away on an SLR, I’m amused by my own excitement. No matter how deep I zoom into product design, their working systems and building exercises, my body still understands the language of the architectural scale. Additionally, I can now feel the strength that products bring to a space, the impact an installation has within a volume, and the potential of an integration. RCA: good call.

2011-02-12T07:43:00.000-08:00

“You might be locked into a world not of your own making, but you still have a claim on how it is shaped. You still have responsibilities.”

I realized recently that Valentine’s Day actually means something – it stands as a dedication to the man who displayed magnificent valor in favour of a faith, a trust in companionship; it is a symbol of survival, of hope and of victory. Why must it be looked down upon as a cumbersome public display of an alien culture? If Poland and Germany can celebrate the same event together, why not Asia? How does an Asian man’s passion differ from an American’s? Geographical boundaries are meaning lesser and lesser to me with time. Look at how the ultimate Christian festival affects almost all our lives today. Why are some accepted and the others not? Valentine’s Day is the celebration of the bravery and grit of a man who believed in the strength of companionship, and risked his life for it. How different is his conviction from that of Gandhi? Or of Mother Teresa? How do we calculate the respectability of an action or event? Is it not the passion itself but the intent that the passion serves? The Greeks only asked one question when a man died – “Did he live with passion?”. Have we now evolved to qualify only certain ambitions of a passion as ‘great’?

“How do you define maturity?”, Rahmat asked me out of the blue as we were watching Friends on TV yesterday. She has this seemingly effortless ability of framing questions around the most deeply sought-after knowledge. It amazes me, how she yearns to understand, comprehend and grow – continuously looking to make sense of her world. I am her junkbox, I think – and as she keeps shooting questions at me, I try and gather myself as quickly as possible after the shock, and give her my thoughts- trying to articulate, analyze and understand my own self. She makes me think, rethink and be more articulate than I have ever been. She makes me realize I think differently with time, with each experience, event and action - she has contributed to my mental shift of context- one of my most powerful realizations ever. When she contests my opinions is when it gets very interesting – and I am highly enjoying being on the other side of questions for a change!

2011-01-30T05:29:00.000-08:00

“Coal and diamonds are nature’s landfill, we should stop worrying about exhausting them. Instead, let’s use direct energy nature’s giving us!”

I simply don’t understand human sustainability. Sustain human beings for what, forever? For another generation? For ten more generations? I see it only as human greed – to want to survive longer, to resist change – against the very nature of existence. Look at the earth’s life history! Everything is going to change! Even though the earth might not have seen a species like ours before, we are still making attempts against the inevitable. Apart from our deeply selfish intent, I have problems with the apparent urgency of the matter. If it is the 11th hour, why isn’t petrol absolutely unaffordable yet? Things are moving in that direction, but we’re not there yet. Not yet.

I have started understanding what ‘power’ feels like. Such a miracle it is, to demand or experience it – provides for such an intellectual high! The power of a guitar playing in a tunnel, the power of sculpture, the power of excellence, of meaning exactly what you say, of saying only what you mean, of choosing to be open to new experiences, of choice itself, of being able to mould your own life – is this what we live for? Power expresses itself not only through bloodshed or courage – but also through intellect and trust! I can feel the power of a voice over me, of a 500 year old painting on a ceiling, of a great man’s lifelong work, speaking through time. And this realisation is only the beginning.

2011-01-23T10:17:00.001-08:00

“Words,” Rahmat says every time I squeak with joy or whine in sorrow- “I need words!”

My class in school has 34 people from 18 countries. It is the most diverse environment I have ever been in, and makes for very good staring points for conversation. Chilling out over lunch one of those terribly busy days, I realized from across a table of 7 that every one of us had had a direct experience with a terrorist attack. Each one was either around when it happened, or had a sister who missed the train that was bombed, or was close enough to hear the shots. What does this mean?! Can terrorism be universal? Or shocking still - unifying?

If I thought I had a cumbersome and lonely childhood, God’s making up for it now - BIG time. Thanks mate.

I miss Shilpy. Now that I look back, I realize she was a silent force in my Mumbai life- soaked in all that came in her way, rarely complaining. In times throughout my application madness, mood swings and inability to talk about anything else, she fed me, asked about my progress, and did not complain of the alarm or the light. Not once. How does one sustain that? It takes deep strength of character to get where she is, clean or not. And I feel now that I did not get to thank her for it all – I almost feel ungrateful, insufficient. I’m getting my chance :)

The time has come. I knew it was inevitable – to revisit every opinion, reconsider every direction of thought – to change my mind – in the context of a revised time, location and environment. What is my fundamental character? What am I building on? What ‘Indianness’ must I carry on, or choose to leave behind? Which is a better way, which is more logical? Are we really living in a globalized world? Has the beauty of travel been lost or will it stand its ground? Should I just do what I feel? Feel, and Do? Two very powerful words.

2011-01-09T04:59:00.000-08:00

“I want to be name dropped.” One of the smartest answers ever to “What do you want to do in life?”. Benjamin Alun-Jones. Oh, I think I just name dropped him!

When I met Farzin, I was shocked and surprised – kind, open, trusting, simple and calm – qualities that I thought people grow out of with time. Then, I met Jaosh. So there were two of them. Then I came to London : there are hundreds here! It’s such a wonderful solvent to be in – helps in being true to your own personality – to be celebrated for how weird and crazy you are – no judgments! It makes me feel whole, independent and proud of what I am, am not, and can be. Maybe worthiness is measured by this ability? That’s the hope.

Hardware stores are the answer to everything.

What you are is an absolute, independent entity; something that must not and should not, be dictated by other sides of your life. Even if Anna Kournikova hasn’t won a single major tournament, she is hot. And there is nothing wrong with that. Who said one needs to be successful to be good looking? Or smart to be witty? Even if your crit didn’t go well, you are still the same funny guy you were before the crit. If you didn’t win the match today, it doesn’t mean you’ve got to stop being well dressed. One part of your personality does not have to earn the other – they can coexist independently and in peace. Nick, my man – thanks.

2010-10-17T05:50:00.000-07:00

Goodbyes have been murdered. This wretched technology has killed them - burnt the closure that a goodbye provides, the peace that departing hearts make with each other. It doesn’t allow us to accept that we are letting go, accept the finality of a time well spent. We simply let the edges between different periods of our life blur, moving on with an unquestioned incompleteness. Terrible.

The most accurate way of quantifying a woman’s wealth is by the size of the diamond ring she is wearing. Even her partner’s. In this time of fake watches and fake clothes, engagement diamonds seem to hold up the torch to establish the social order. I don’t like it.

“If a guy wants to call you, we will call you.” Lol. The clearest sentence ever.

I cannot believe it. How did I earn a place here? I now realize this place in the world always existed - the one I dreamed of, the one no one around me understood or believed. It was turned against me to deem me 'different'. This is neither a physical location nor a point in time. It is a realization. This very place, this temple – it cannot be explained. You have to be here to believe it. And I’m here ! Finally ! It seems like I always belonged here – in this dreamland of ideas, this soup of design. Aah. There is no pressure, no fear, no expectation : just the feeling of home. Home. Studio. Work. Nothing else seems more important – time, sleep or food – I am in peace. And awe. And it’s all worth it. Anything is worth this.

2010-09-28T05:30:00.000-07:00

One of the top thoughts amounting to suicide, I read yesterday, is “If I died tomorrow, it wouldn’t matter to anyone anyway”. How about “I matter to me”? Isn’t that both capitalistic and warm at the same time? Isn’t what you do with your life, your own problem? Of course, there will be a massive drag of expectations, deviations in events and 'destiny’. But still, what you live for is your concern. The universe doesn’t give a shit. Why should anyone else? The will to live should be your own – if you kept looking to others for a reason to survive or excel or experience, you’ve got a problem. I am able to say this today, with the silent voices of two girls with me – they helped me realize and live the truth: to each, his own.

Love marriages are such a risky business. In fact, I think the whole concept of romantic love is a myth. A lie we want to believe, a story we want to have faith in. Is love as depressingly important to our faith as God? Maybe this is why we keep justifying the flaws in the theory – “falling in love is not the same as being in love”, “love is suffering”, “love is a test of our will and strength”. Nonsense. We should stop living life’s inevitabilities and ugliness in the name of romantic love. There is no such thing. There is only attraction and companionship – both explainable, both logical. Attraction is specific to a personality type, and companionship is a fundamental need of human existence. I highly doubt the truth in statements like “I cannot live with anyone else”, or “I will die without him”. Wake up.

“How did you manage that??”, I was asked when I updated a friend on the whole RCA story. It has been a long and tiring episode of my life, now that I think of it - starting from my guts to even think of applying to the RCA, the miracle of the portfolio, the journey halfway across the world to an interview, the successful admission that broke my heart, and finally, and most unbelievably, the scholarship. Man. I still cannot explain the portfolio! I know it didn’t just ‘happen’ – I worked hard, really hard for it. What I cannot swallow, though, is the drive, perseverance, patience, self-expectation, and grit. What was I thinking, going to the interview - knowing that I had no money for the course fees?? I think it was more a desperate attempt to continue to pursue a dream, more than my hope of achieving it. It never occurred to me, how I might work at the studio where I was interviewed – only thought of taking in as much as I could, never to return. It was the dream. It is the dream. I’m living it, and I’m desperately looking for someone to thank. Thinking of all this, I wondered how best to answer my friend’s question. Trying to put all the truth into a concise set of words, I replied, “I simply tried.”

2010-09-24T05:38:00.000-07:00

Amitha was a beautiful discovery. At a beautiful time, in a beautiful place. It makes me smile to think I’ve caught up – at least to a point where I value her presence, opinions, and contrast in personality. The more I realize she is different from me, the more I am comfortable with her. Such reunions are rare – especially in today’s intricate web of uncertain life, location and priority. Experiences modify personality, and toward the same direction – no matter what the experience – to maturity and growth. The only question is – how far does one get, and at what point in his life? Do the relative positions of people mark their ‘achievement’ at any given instant?

“There are no rules, there is just life.”

I hate the new Mantri logo. It’s way too twisty – simply impossible to reproduce with your forefinger on your own arm. I mean, if it’s so stupidly difficult to draw even as you stare at it, how is one possibly going to register the mess as a memorable symbol? It annoys me to even think of drawing it. In a sharp contrast, think of the nike logo – genius.

I want a rib-crunching, 15-second hug. Now.

2010-08-25T10:09:00.000-07:00

The world is not enough.

My mother says that hers’ is the generation that is sandwiched between the known, traditional past and the shockingly redefined future. In one generation, she says, we have moved from a point of utmost respect for the elderly – which granted them the power to run the household under their orders – straight down to the point where grandparents today are expected to take care of the kids and cook for their working daughters-in-law. She’s right. This is brand new, and whether or not we are in a position to judge the ‘correctness’ of this development – it is going to sustain. But then again, is hers’ the only generation to go completely off track from the previous and the known? What about my children? We grew up with Chitrahaar and Sukh Sagar – Coffee day and Pizza Hut was unknown and rare – and now, kids ten yrs younger are alien to me. If I struggle to understand college kids today, how am I ever going to handle priorities a whole generation ahead of me? God help us all.

Each conversation with Praveen is packed with powerful opinions, mind-blowing questions, and shocking facts. All in one. It’s like a session in self learning. I wonder if I could take more than a couple of hours with him – maybe too much to digest? Just the thought of him makes me want to get up and read, debate, define. He makes me want to know exactly what I’m saying, and think. Think! Aditya does that to me too, but there is one fundamental difference – I see disappointment in Aditya’s eyes – a feeling of a great let-down everytime we speak. And in Praveen’s, I see patience. Patience to let me grow, to let me make the mistakes, to let me reach higher, to let me have the time. Patience to accept that I am not there yet. I bet the roles would be reversed if Praveen was my brother and Aditya a friend. I find it strange that we take it upon us as responsibility to oversee the ‘growing up’ of siblings – to make sure they ‘reach their potential and equal the heights of achievement of family’. One can never escape the illustrious family – only try.

2010-08-16T02:57:00.000-07:00

Is academics is an escape? Escape from the real problems, the true nature of the markets, demand and supply, survival and reality? Praveen told me, “ . . think of what kind of business you want to run – successful or good.” Why is the ‘real world’ enormously different from the expected trajectory of study? I know (if not understand) the working systems of the world today are just as fascinating – quirky, cunning, and ugly all at the same time. Aditya always says “Let the markets decide. The working of the system is both inevitable and logical. Everything happens for a reason.” Somewhere in between, our self-constructed ‘morals’ come and go – leaving us with choices that make us. The trick is to make the choice – to consciously understand its repercussions and projections. Well, that’s just the start!

Technology is the devil.

Happiness is an illusion. To keep shifting goals, to always want what you cannot have – isn’t that the reality of all human life? Isn’t that also the drive? What is the point of a monk’s life? Can ‘bliss’ be really achieved by letting go of all human wants? Then what?? How about letting the present make us smile as we live? I have started enjoying moments – in the real-time that we live and have control of – an effort to stop romanticizing the past and getting anxious about the future. Today is all we’ve got – find your moments. Maybe because I think at the end that is happiness.

Shifting cities and cutting through various sets of friends, I have become cynical – a non believer in the permanence of relationships. I am beginning to think it’s not a negative emotion either – I am not bitter – just at peace with the fact that things will be different, priorities will change, and people will move on. New is good. Are more friends better than good friends? It’s heroic to revolt at the thought, isn’t it? Whether or not we chose this reality, it is fairly accurate. Is friendship becoming synonymous with networking?

2010-08-13T00:52:00.000-07:00

I can hear myself think again. It has been a long time.

“Stop chasing an impossibility”, I told myself 2 hours before the big party I was throwing to celebrate my RCA and scholarship victory. And as soon as I said the words, I realised I needed to hear them, if not for the first time then, at least 5 years ago. I do this to myself repeatedly – and unnecessarily – keep wanting the “perfectness” of every situation; I need to be able to let go. Because at the end, what matters is that the moment is enjoyable, and not ‘perfect’. I must prepare for my wedding – I can see it becoming the biggest‘event’ in my life I need to be ‘perfect’. At least I have the time !

Reading fiction can be addicting – a chance for an escape, an alternate universe – described by those whose livelihood depends on the skill of narration. Reality seems to feel dull and slow once you’re hooked.

2010-02-13T04:48:00.000-08:00

Mismatched edges annoy me these days. “Why couldn’t it have a 6mm groove at the junction??!”, “..that ugly edge just has to go..”, “..a 15mm offset is simply unacceptable - WHAT were you thinking?!!”. Hehe.. it’s the RMA effect :)

I’m in Bangalore these days. ‘home’. No, I don’t feel it. Home is where the heart is, and that’s in Mumbai. I cannot understand why, but I would rather be in Mumbai than in Bangalore. Weird. Reverse home-sickness. She said it beautifully in the movie – “Everybody likes a city not because of its general character, but because of the presence of special people who make the experience unforgettable.” Can these special people be a collective? I cannot trace the existence of one single person who makes me love my Mumbai life – maybe it’s the absence of ‘those close ones’ and subsequently the acceptance that there is in fact, nobody. I’m completely on my own in Mumbai – and I love it. There are a hundred things to do, see, watch and view any given day. And the most important thing that I enjoy, I think, is the ability to roam around on my own – I don’t need a driver or an alarm clock – I can go wherever I want, till quite late into the night – I don’t have to beg someone else to help me do things I want to do. Yeah, I think that’s what I love most. Noone to continuously give updates to, noone to please. Only myself. I likes :)

Photoshoot, baby !

‘2 states’ is a good book to read one day before valentines’ day. It makes me think. Is it really all worth it, the massive family match making and the trouble? Would it simply not be easier to marry someone whose family is not the enemy? Honestly, I think it’s a logistical nightmare to live through a life of constant bickering and finger pointing. Of course, it’s not like there will be shortages of arguments, but what’s the harm in reducing the number? Shilpy asked me not to read the book for fear of depression, but it has been good food for thought. And it has contributed towards my tilting inclination towards arranged marriages.

2009-12-13T04:58:00.000-08:00

Some people think it’s funny that 24yr olds are “teaching”. What’s the joke here? First, there is no 'teaching' in architecture – no one can 'teach' architecture – it’s the exploration of ideas, especially in the first year. To have as jury or faculty, architects with 20years experience, I actually think, does not serve the purpose of the studio. When fresh ideas are showcased, the experience of the architect works against him in the appreciation of the idea. I really think seasoned architects, especially in this age of globalization, are terribly weighed down by their 'workability' issues. How can someone like that appreciate an idea involving absurd new forms? The intent gets lost somehow, and all that remains is “How the hell are you going to make that work??”. First year architecture students need to 'go crazy', and having a faculty who’ve been building toilets for decades is not going to help. That’s where I come in. :)

Change is good.

Wind is like electricity – it has a mind of its own, a logic of existence and movement. It does not simply “flow” – unlike most misunderstood human beings believe. It moves due to a difference in potential, and this can be controlled and made use of. Wind can single handedly change the idea of ‘human comfort’ in a humid city. And noone belives that. Why do you think there are ventilators in apartments? And why do you think they are at the roof level? So that they can be closed up? Or so that some idiot can build next door and force close the opening? You are changing the wind movements here, and noone cares. Later, they crib about the heat. Stupid. Judging a flat on the ninth floor as ‘windy’ with the front door open into a internal well is stupid. Once the main door is closed, it will NOT suck any wind from outside the balcony, even if it is on the bloody eighteenth floor. There is a logic of flow of energy, and it can be studied and implemented for human comfort. Every king, every civilian, every human understood that. A hundred years ago. Now, we’re more interested in capitalizing on the increase in sales of Air Conditioners because of the blocked ventilators. We’re all breathing in the stale but cool air from the ACs in the name of progress. Pathetic.

As I trace the 'worship' of cult divinities in history, it makes me wonder what category of 'worship' fan following falls in. Can 'temples' of Amitabh Bachhan be accepted in about 100 years’ time as 'pilgrimage spots' ? It’s a strange logical connection. What would human beings 500 years from now study about us? That we followed the ‘rituals’ laid down for us 5000 years ago? Or will we make our own independent history?

2009-09-27T04:02:00.000-07:00

I am trying to understand the word ‘confidence’. It has such a blurred definition, and changes meaning with context, culture and time. How important a factor is it, in the happening of things? I think ‘being confident’ cannot possibly imply an infinite bracket of knowledge of content; it’s a state when you know how much you know, and have the sense to understand that you need to learn more. I think being confident is about being sure of your ability to learn- and then you can step in into any field, conversation or context with ‘confidence’. You know that you don’t know, so you find out. And once you know, you have an opinion. And then there are those whom I call ‘sweepers’ – those that question and understand information coming their way well enough to have an opinion on them. These kinds can never fall prey to ‘half knowledge’ – and I admire that. Some day.

Indian currency notes are post modern in design. It is time for change.

Indians have lived for five thousand years, and yet today, we have a design history of about twenty years. Did the british screw up our attitude this badly? How did 150 years of a rule wipe out all possible artistic inclinations of a nation? This is seriously depressing. Even with 60 years of freedom, we weren’t really free until 1991! Does that mean something lacks in our leadership priorities? Or does it simply mean design is not really a priority? Did illiteracy and poverty not exist in the thirteenth century? The fact that we study the ‘navratnas’ of Akbar’s court just goes on to say how much importance was attached then to art, culture and thus design. Is today a simple coming together of uncontrollable factors? Is India today what it was ‘destined’ to be? I need answers to these questions- and they are all hidden in decisions made in history! And to think that people think history is irrelevant.

2009-08-31T08:04:00.001-07:00

“Shattered by invasion and colonialism and an uneasy accommodation with modernity, we can’t now construct five columns of equal proportions.” Indian history is depressing.

‘Busy’ is a word of the twenty first century- I cannot stop being shocked at the change the computer revolution has brought to our lives. It has hit everyone- every age, every strata, every existence. I imagine in my head an assorted group of people standing in line along a sea face- and the waves slapping them all, all at once. Comparison is flawed, and remarkably inaccurate. This revolution has changed more in one generation than anything else has in ten generations- and I believe we’re doing just fine... Human beings can be so amusing.

“The truth today cannot be divorced from the one telling it.”

There is design, opinion, and risk. And then there is a doctor. Or rather, there should be. But it is hitting me suddenly- it’s not true. Doctors are ‘good’ and ‘bad’, ‘expensive’ and ‘ineffective’, and ‘thorough’ and ‘not-trustworthy’. I do not understand the existence of opinion in this field. How to fix the human body cannot be an opinion. Can it be? Are we really living such a delicate existence? Wow. Who are the world’s ‘best’ doctors? The most creative ones? Or the gutsiest ones? This is scary. Medicine is not like physics, and it freaks me out. Does this mean a ‘better’ doctor has a better chance of saving a dying man than an ‘average’ doctor? What the hell?! A doctor is a doctor, and he must be able to treat the same way as any other doctor. Money and medicine is a very, very bad combination. It is to the downfall of all.

2009-07-29T11:40:00.000-07:00

Pills are pills, even if they're bright green in colour. Yuck.

It is intervowen, then. Multiples. Are we heading towards jacks of design trades?

Water can be mean and wicked- we are misunderstood that it is our best friend. If water had a will of its own, it would grin at itself- it would be the cleverest of all beings. You think it’s the universal solvent; it cleanses and purifies... Its true nature, though, is hidden- it leaves behind marks- circles, spots, lines, trails- loci of all that it once touched. It is ruthless, sharp and impossibly frustrating- there is no escaping it. On one hand, running water exposes all human action, while on the other- still water is deceiving. Whilst it shows you your beautiful self, it attracts evil- mosquitoes, flies, insects and their diseases- it’s a non-negotiable package. We must be careful- should it mean more harm, we must run! Thank God the survival of the human race does not depend on water. Hehe...

2009-07-09T21:47:00.000-07:00

The good thing about life after college is that there is no fixed path, there is no “correct”, no “wrong”...It is just a marvelous coming together of unimaginable factors to shape an existence- an existence so unique to the individual that eventually there is no such thing as “better”...Each is a path- unique, significant and inspiring- and I am beginning to celebrate the difference. It is exhilarating to see the variations and range- welcome to the real world, you’re going to love it!

Rani Mukherjee makes for the most beautiful bride. Maybe it is Sabyasachi who makes her so. It’s the backstage- ignored, forgotten and under estimated. Tch.

It’s the worst time to get a cold- the Mumbai monsoon. The nose keeps leaking like the clouds; makes similar sounds too! It is a positive development in one sense- you cannot smell the filth. It only looks dirty! But the thing is, there is so much layering in Mumbai that it can be helplessly distracting. Even if you left for office after a fight with your roommate, you will be smiling at the school kid in the jammed train...there are so many dimensions, so many visuals- that there is no concept of “bored”- that’s only for the rich and snobby- those that remain snobby all their lives, whilst they travel in the air conditioned air with reflector glass beside them. Honestly, doesn’t everyone always talk about the smile on the faces of the poor? The joy in the eyes of those that have nothing to lose, and nothing to hide. Travelling by train is poor, but definitely the most satisfying. Everyone looks at it like a pain, a sacrifice- to live the life without luxury and comfort. But to live like me is to live with contentment. With peace in the mind and a song on the lips. Even in the rain! It is a very, very precious joy- and there are those who can never experience it- they never allow themselves to- my brother. Rithvik. Geetha G. B...Walk in the puddle, honey- it will make you grin- if only you allow it! I love my life, I love the rain, and I love Mumbai!

2009-05-15T03:30:00.000-07:00

Everything is “कच्चा” and “cheap” these days. Lol!

The idea of progress in my head is continuously changing; with time and exposure, I see different analogies and different imageries. I have started believing in the act of “doing” – someone, somewhere DID something, which is why we are ‘progressing’. Progress is not an inevitability; it is not a necessity, but action on an idea. Someone spoke up; someone stirred. People around were uncomfortable and dislodged- they protested. But even then, ideas survived. “Necessity is the mother of all invention”, they say- was linux necessary in the 15th century? No. Progress is a trap- it makes you need more and more- it is addictive. “Improvisation” is the word; and to me, it is a branch of ‘change’. We are in continuous motion; and we will always be. And on the way, we need those who think, act and “do” - even though they’re weirdos.

It is time to buy the Vims, the scotch brites, the surf excels, the harpics, the eggs, the onions and the tomatoes. Maybe a broom, too. :)

“Of all the experiences in the world, travel is undoubtedly one of the most life-altering. It enriches, fulfills, indulges, opens your heart to other worlds and experiences and fosters co-existence in an increasingly intolerant world. But perhaps the most profound and tangible impact it has is on our inner selves." The world is conspiring to answer my questions; but no, this is not good enough.

2009-04-28T20:59:00.000-07:00

The biggest trouble with walking to work is maintaining your CG. In a city like Mumbai, footpaths with free space on them are rare- you are almost always walking on the road. Now the exact trouble with the road is that it serves not only the pedestrian- but also the cows, the rain water and slum kids. And not to forget- the vehicles. In this complicated layer system, your locus runs parallel to that of the rain water- literally- with an offset of 300mm. “Do not draw parallels”, they say- in a world where the basis for measurement of ‘achievement’ is comparison.

“Bringing intellect back in style”, the magazine reads. Intellect and style- good combination, eh? :)

I have been wanting to write about Robert for a long time now. I never get the words- his is a diverse and rich personality- so many layers, so many directions. What I feel for him also ranges from frustration to awe, irritation to affection, and disappointment to trust. Sometimes I see intense passion in his eyes- passion for life, people, and work- but it quickly disappears behind his terrible jokes. What made him travel half the world? I still cannot find the answer- but I can see in him, a very fundamental yet strangely strong connect with human beings- he seems to care, and very deeply- underneath the thick top layer of mistrust. He loves innocence, truth and people that live by both. He seems to be searching for something continuously- meaning, maybe, in this complex system of ‘life’. If not anything else, he has travelled far to seek it.

2009-04-14T23:06:00.000-07:00

Living in Mumbai can have strange advantages- with barely 3sq.m. per person in a dorm, you can never lose stuff. It’s either on your bed, or it is on your bed! People living in Bangalore take up too much place. Hehe...

I have been travelling again! It is such a delight to sleep at 1am, gossiping and packing at the same time, looking forward to catching a flight in four hours! My poor body and even ‘poorer’- my backpack has been put through too much stress- I think its about being ‘young’- its great to feel the energy within; the excitement to meet and explore new is strangely satisfying... I am taking full advantage of the fact that I live more or less in the geographical centre of the country- if someone plotted my locus as I float around, there would be many, many radii! I plan on a big leap next- even if it means I have to eat grass for 6 months- I am not sure, though- good quality grass might just be more expensive than pasta! :)

Getting a new haircut can transform your face- I did not believe it until now. Design is important; it can modify, uplift and also retain intent- and this can apply to ANY field- and I am surprised that I did not follow this through with all aspects of living before. I should; this is going to be my ultimate intent in life. Also, to make design cheaper, if not cheap.

“..to be happy with the present, to live for today, without worrying about the nature of tomorrow- soaking in completely what today can give, with lessons from the past-”....I think I am learning.

2009-03-28T09:39:00.000-07:00

Hanging out with Ankit is like spending time with a solid think tank; he is in a continuous state of ‘doing’- his head is always wanting to move, change, initiate, act. His ideas are very ambitious, and in most cases, he gets carried away. Give him a small opening, and he’s busy building a grand entrance. It is incredible, how much energy is generated in his body by these thoughts- sometimes even I cannot keep up with him. His coming to Mumbai and living a jump away from my place is definitely going to make the ‘mumbai experience’ even more spectacular.

Yesterday I read an article about a devoted spiritual singer who also teaches science at school. It was very interesting how he looked at both in union- “Kabir said we must learn from our first hand experiences, and not go by faith. That is what science also says. Faith can be scientific.” I didn't competely understand what this could mean, but was left wondering if this is infact the unified theory of physics.

Being able to trust someone comes from a long and invisible process of spending time together- and in most cases, you realise you cannot trust that person. When I say 'trust', I mean trust with respect to promptness, with communication and clarity. Trust with being on time and meaning what you say. Trust without excuses, without “I forgot” or “I didn't have time”. To say “I trust him” means a lot. This does not necessarily make a person 'good' or 'bad', though- it is just a state of being that I really appreciate. And it is very difficult to find. Everytime I meet my brother I feel like I am far from being there myself, and everytime I meet anyone from work, I feel they are far behind. It's the damn ladder again.

2009-03-20T06:00:00.000-07:00

This is the world’s most celebrated irony- Penelope Cruz sitting on a modest bench, looking at you with a bright smile- “I’m just like you.” I mean, COME ON!

Taran simply cannot iron her clothes. And I am beginning to realize that it’s not her fault. Not at all. First, we put together 2d fabric to cover a very complex and curved 3d object. And on top of that, we try to flatten it on the ironing table before letting it take shape of the body. Are we crazy or what? If something fits you well, it should be very difficult to iron. And if you see something that can be flattened easily, it’s definitely not meant for the human body. I wonder what fashion designers would think of this.

I feel like going to receive someone from the airport. Not just someone, but someone famous. Someone ‘great’. I want to go and receive Rehman. Or the Olympic champions. I want to be one of the hundreds. I want to cheer and celebrate. It is almost an overwhelming thought- to let go, to dissolve. It’s not about ‘making a difference’ for once. I like it.

I enjoy reading Santosh Desai’s articles in the paper- his writings are a good documentation of time and present an accurate picture of the existing. I love best ‘the death of vulgarity’- I simply cannot summarize the article- the entire article is brilliant. After that I read his view on Mallya ‘buying back Gandhi’s stuff’- about how we “bought back Gandhi’s stuff and sold him down the river”- beautiful. Yesterday he wrote about why the ‘arranged marriage’ still exists in the Indian middle class today- most of it, I did not understand. I assumed that meant the article was good. :)

Time changes things. Exposure modifies personality. "Life changing experience"- I believe it now. I must get settled before I change into something I cannot change.

2009-01-15T06:36:00.000-08:00

I see him everyday, bent and tired of this world; a blank expression at the paving blocks, beedi in hand. I don’t suppose he has another set of clothes- the weary plastic mug laid front of him, waiting endlessly; I wonder what he must be thinking.. what his life in the past must have been like- what amazes me most is how quietly he rests on the footpath.. Sitting right across sukh sagar, how could he not look up at the food? I do not want to live his life, but I want to study it. His old eyes seem so controlled and calm that it amuses me. Not today, though- there was emptiness in that busy corner of Mumbai.

I am beginning to like the gill font better than courier font. It is time for change, again.

“Love your work, not your job.” Wise fellow.

A Spanish girl will be joining my office soon! My office is more like a zoo; people from all possible races with painfully different accents converge at RMA. The guy from Chennai takes three seconds per word to follow the new Zealander- the American cannot stop giving me gyaan on how differently ‘vet’ should be pronounced from ‘wet’. Our mallu accountant sometimes blinks at gujrati words smuggled into hin-glish. It is even worse, when the American is trying to speak in marathi, and the new Zealander in gujrati. I can only think of replying in tamil. Not so long ago, we almost hired a british chap- and for the life of me, I could NOT (desperately tried, but failed to) run with his fast lines. I mean, what’s with the hurry?? I was utterly disappointed when we rejected an architect from Rome- not good enough, they said. For now, make space for Spain, people- here she comes!

2009-01-09T20:57:00.000-08:00

How do we sense thinking? Do we hear it? What is making the vibrations? Do we read it from our minds? How are our five senses helping? Or is it our sixth sense?

I was about to start this sentence with “I am amused by-” and stopped myself with a grin. :)

People get ‘bored’ rather easily in life- my brother comes to my mind immediately. As I understand it, he is in a state of boredom more than not, any given day. I don’t understand it. There are so many things to do, so many questions to ask- that there is no time! Do you know what exactly how a fighter plane can fly upside down? Do you know why MS columns in the porch need a base? Do you know how an operating system is infected when there is a virus on your computer? What is a virus? Why do we have seasons? Why does it cost so much to be unique? Why is an idea so expensive? How does the stock market directly affect my life? ASK!

Life seems to have meaning again; it seems to me that my work is directly affecting something concrete- the choices I make are making a difference- I don’t seem like one of the useless million anymore. I am more comfortable with myself now- I am at peace in the head. I have an endless list of questions, but I have learnt to live with them till I find the answers. I think it is the ‘growing up’ that most believe has been long-pending. My faith in the human race is restored- whatever that means. :)

2008-11-23T23:57:00.000-08:00

I would never deny structure; I would rather express the strength of materials that make my building. If he wants a 1200 depth for an 18’ cantilever beam, I would give it to him. I would even exaggerate it. I would want to show that it’s a cantilever, and that it has taken innovation to design and make possible the building. I wouldn’t want to pass it off as an ordinary beam- I would make efforts to highlight it. I’m going to have to open my own office for that, then. :)

What happens when the cat crossing your path is half white and half black??

A thin stroke of black tracing the bottom edge of one’s eyes can make spectacular changes in the face, and yet go unnoticed as an individual element. People are struggling to trace the source of this change in my face- ‘Something is different,’ they say, staring- ‘Have you cut your hair??’
Hehehe...

‘There is always hope’, she says- I wonder if it’s a human property. To be optimistic, to think; to make yourself believe that it is possible- to wait.
Were apes hopeful that their day will come?

2008-11-17T19:59:00.001-08:00

Shadows can lie; they can modify reality- they can make you look thinner, taller.. They don’t necessarily let you see what you want to see- almost as though they have a mind of their own...The purity of the shadow with its loyal quality has been corrupted in my mind; it will be long before I trust a shadow again.

A yoga teacher joins the dorm- just when I was thinking it could not get more diverse.

Naveen looks like a “dude” these days- all macho- his visits to the gym cannot be hidden anymore- the mass is bursting out from underneath his shirt. He needs new clothes! Hehe...

I am beginning to notice block colours these days- bursts of a bold colour stripped of all ornamentation- the midnight blue sky, the colour of the red ink on my fingertips, that of the endless brown sand and the heavenly blue of the sea- they are hitting my eyes distinctly. I like the edges- those between block colours- their near-invisible quality leaves me wanting to explore them- the thinness brings to my mind the voice of Shreya Ghoshal- a clear, crisp and continuous thin line. Sheesh- I must, MUST improve with the analogies!

2008-11-02T20:25:00.000-08:00

I have finally bought it- the travel book, the guide to organizing my loafing around the country! “INDIA”, it says- I am marking those places that I already have explored, and those that I can fit into my budget for the year to come- India now, the world next! :)

I remember thinking three years back- the future of ‘good’ architecture in India is poor- I was convinced that even thirty years later, we will still be studying Charles Correa and Doshi for “Contemporary” Architecture- Sudheendra Sir wasn’t too optimistic; it looks to me, though, that we have survived- the book I am holding reads ‘Contemporary Indian Architecture’- Anupama Kundoo, Rahul Mehrotra, Sanjay Mohe, Rahul Gore, Matthew & Ghosh, Rajesh Ranganathan, Gurjit Singh, Vijay Narnapatti, and many more- HURRAH!

Bangalore is coo-oo—oold.

The one thing fundamentally wrong with my ‘writing’ skills is that I don’t seem to be able to maintain the tense of the sentence- I keep jumping from the past to present to future. You will even see all three in one sentence! Damn- someone forgot to tell me the ‘rules’! :)

2008-10-20T08:40:00.000-07:00

My watch is 7 minutes fast. Because its really difficult to subract 7 from a number. I would rather be 7 mintues early. :)

Getting engaged means a lot of things- my roommate has had a good dose of its ill effects recently. It is that moment which, in one go, puts everything in place -and- blows into bits most of what you wanted your life to be. I can see it coming- and I am not liking this calm before the storm. I am sure I will look back at this time with a sheepish grin on my face- probably telling my grandchildren not to lose patience in this time- and that it is never going to come again.

I am beginning to realise the importance of the non-visible side of life; that side which is more important than the one that is seen- and yet that one which goes completely un-noticed. The shuttering in a building is more important than anything else; the frame of view is more important than the view itself- and the foreground to a visual is more important than what is seen. Really, imagine if the Taj Mahal did not have it's spectacular foreground? This is precisely why the damn grass is greener on the other side- someone forgot to mention the distance of view. Geoffrey Bawa is the king of frames- and Corbusier understood the flow of concrete not with straight lines of cars- but with those of the concrete moulds. The ones who realise and observe the unseen are the ones who know how to modify the seen- and someday, I want someone to write about me as one who did!

I am on a travelling spree again; 5 cities in 7 days- covering half of India doesn't take too long- that too, with someone else's money!

2008-10-14T23:33:00.000-07:00

“Mechanics is the most beautiful part of all sciences.” I don’t think so. I think it’s the curious nature more than the exploration itself.

Taking inspiration from my friend who has always asked me to ‘let go’ and be less uptight, I tried a brave thing yesterday. Listening to songs on my way back home, I sang loudly with the song- something that I would never think appropriate. I kept thinking of my friend all along- and he was right- I need to be more free in the head; I need to be able to ‘let go’. It also helps that I am in a new city. This reminds me of a scene in one of my favourite movies- “Disguise changes everything”- new places and new people give courage- to be and do things you once never thought possible. I think Mumbai is going to help me more than expected.

Today I felt good about having slogged through architectural graphics- felt like I didn’t slog as much as some others- I saw a 7 centered arch. And it was built in stone. Imagine the pain! :)

2008-10-07T00:21:00.000-07:00

Gujrati is the next language I want to learn. Yeah. Although my tamil is not yet as good as I want it to be, I think a little deviation will help. Mango will help me with it anyway. Navigating through remote villages of Gujrat not only gives one a crisp chocolate brown tan, but also the urge to want to be able to communicate with the locals better. Really, I felt so helpless when I was trying to ask a rather shy lady the directions to Modhera, and she was simply staring blankly at my face! Throughout the crowded bus journeys from one destination to another, I was (-apart from dozing off-) trying to read gujrati; the script is cunningly similar to hindi/marathi, only with a few letters replaced by distinct types of jalebies. Hehehe...

Arjav is overwhelmingly warm; I cannot believe the amount of goodness that bounces off him. There is a concern - a seemingly endless one- for all. It is very, very difficult to meet people like him, and this week has been a jumbo pack! I mean, where are they raining from? I am glad they are- it is giving me a fresh belief in friendship. Beautiful timing, too.

I have been paying a lot of attention to the clothes I wear these days. It matters to me- what I am wearing- and I have come to realize that it reflects a lot of personality. I am more involved in the design and detailing of clothes than ever before; am also more aware of what is happening in the fashion world. If I were a fashion designer, I would be obsessed with architecture. :)

I don’t know how people survive in India without being able to communicate in hindi. Either they don’t travel, or their body language rocks!

2008-10-01T20:32:00.001-07:00

I have always been on the asking side of questions; all my reactions and observations lead to questions- it is almost like a disease! It is also the easiest way to communicate with overwhelming seniors/interesting strangers/awkward uncles- ask a relevant question, and you’re done! No matter who it is on the other side, the answer always constitutes something you don’t know or haven’t heard yet- hence worth at least one ear. You can let the other one deviate- along with the eyes, it can find interesting directions for the next question! :)

Apparently, “Amrita, your color is black. The colour of night. Serene and mysterious, black conjures up images of elegant evening gowns, dashing tuxedos, and gleaming limousines. Traditionally a symbol of success, black also represents power and an uncompromising demand for perfection. Not surprisingly, you tend to set challenging goals for yourself and do whatever it takes to achieve them — your strength of character is second to none. This unfaltering determination, along with your natural elegance, impresses people. But keep in mind that your personality might be intimidating to some. Try to temper your demanding side with a little softness — trust us, it won't kill you. Overall, though, black is the colour of professionalism and achievement, which means it's clearly the colour for you.” H O W I R O N I C !

The following list was made during an extremely formal, intellectual and serious discussion about the (dis)advantages of me moving to Pune for internship-

Pune has no corner house- I will starve.
Bangalore is a capital city, while Pune is not.
Charles Babbage is Christian- Jai Hind!
Bangalore STD code is numerically 4 times larger than that of Pune.
I am already familiar with Bangalore slang.
There can never be a Vidhan Soudha in Pune.
Pune is hot- can’t wear dear old jackets.
Pune does not have khara bath.
I will have to eat dosa with a fork and knife.
Smitha will get a haircut if I go.

And she eventually did- the day I moved to Mumbai. The Chattri. I miss her- I miss the continuous yelling, combined with the endless treats I trick her into. :)

2008-09-25T21:26:00.000-07:00

I had my first experience of the “Mumbai social life” today. I saw them- the celebrities, the constant flashes of light, the porcelain skin, the spectacular heels, the dressed hair and the kisses in the air. So many of them- each with a glass in hand and a forced smile on the face. What is beyond me, though, is the definition of a “socialite”. What is their job description? Where do they draw their salary from?

I am a hopeless, hopeless romantic! Hehehe...

‘Modification’ is the root of all evil; it is the reason why architects, structural consultants, plumbing consultants, contractors, and also the clients- are frustrated. The process begins to drag; the joy and freshness of idea rots under the eroding scrape of repetition- “welcome to the real world”. It is the place where management becomes more important than design, where money is more important than quality of space, and where ‘faster’ means everything is to be compromised. The core, though, has a strange way of retaining itself- the spaces survive- and that day is the only incentive for the architect- it is the day when the daylight flooding in from the openings remind her of the earliest sketches of the space; it is that day when an architect thinks back- of all her successes- and adds one to the list. Tomorrow, it’s back to the frustration. Cheers!

"The Congo is as ferocious as the Nile"- I wonder where in the range our Ganga comes!

2008-09-22T00:29:00.001-07:00

"The darkness of losing a friend and the thought of losing green to concrete...In loving my city I have come to hate it more than I can bear. It is in spite of the city itself- it is beacause of what has been done to it. The tide of speculation has decreed to banish open space and greenery in favour of boxes for shopping and living. Sunlight is a rarer commodity still. The plants, merry in a wild overgrown garden by a lake, find comfort in each other's shadows, shying away from the eroding gaze of ramphant 'development'. Perhaps they count their days. Perhaps they care less and dance away in the nostalgia of a tropical breeze."

To worship a book is such a pure thought; it is such a divine direction to take- the minute you begin to give human form to something that is not human, things start to get fuzzy. To worship an idol brings with it an inevitable association- something that allows a grey area, a layer of sponge- to those who want to find their own definitions of the ‘ultimate’...This is where the lines between the ‘not-so-good’ and ‘not-so-bad’ get smudged; there are multiples- and clear direction is lost in the complication of loyalties. Help!

“Aakhone mein jiske koi to khwaab hai,
Khush hai wohi jo thoda betaab hai..
Zindagi mein koi arzoo kejiye, phir dekhiye...

Hoton pe jiske koi to geet hai,
Woh hare bhi to uski hi jeet hai..
Dil mein jo geet hai, junjuna lejiye, phir dekhiye...

Yadon mein jiski kiseeka naam hai,
Sapnon ke jaise uski hi hashaan hai,
Koi to ho jise apna dil dejiye, phir dekhiye...

Khwaab buniye zaraa, geet suniye zaraa, phool chuniye zaraa- phir dekhiye...”

2008-09-09T21:10:00.000-07:00

I am beginning to realize that I have always liked the alternative, the “other”- I do not like “the best”, but the one close to it; one that goes almost unrecognized, ignored- but the one that is so perilously close to the peak that it reminds me of me...”Little black dress”, they call it- I will always buy brown. I have wanted Nadal to beat Federer for years; and now that he has won, I want Djokovik to beat them both! I have always supported the “underdog”; have always been and hated having been “second best”- it is a very difficult place to be- almost consumes you from within. Reminds me of Gollum. Oh, NO! :)

Why are the only the beginnings good? Why is the only constant, change? Why are there so many questions and no answers to them? Why does no Indian answer a question directly? Why do we ask questions? Why, Why, WHY? The answer is to USE YOUR HEAD; first look within, scratch- think!

Some people should be banned from using certain words- Naveen shouldn’t be allowed to say ‘misunderstood’ in his entire life, or for that matter, even utter a single word in hindi. Varun shouldn’t be allowed to grin- it’s unfair to that part of the world that is sane- and I’m sure he agrees. Namrata shouldn’t be allowed to talk, even- she gives you the illusion of being in a fish-market- you desperately look around for the source of the noise- and then start believing in God- noone else can fit so much into one woman! I, for one, should stop using and thinking the word “amused”; it has come to be my favourite word- I am always in a constant state of amusement; what I can see, hear or smell is a continuous source of entertainment. Mama calls it “being high on life”- and carefully puts it to make the point- these states come with an expiry date.

2008-08-25T20:30:00.001-07:00

What would happen if one put a reporter, a lawyer, an architect, an advertising executive and an mba student in one dorm? Hehe...I will soon be finding out. :)

'Why shouldn't globalisation speak with an Indian accent?' Some people put words together so beautifully...

The most important character of a city should be the dreams it can show you, the distance it makes you believe you can tread- and the fire it can generate for a goal. This should be the scale of measurement of the 'greatness' of a city; not whether the climate is within the range of human comfort or not- priorities need to be shuffled...I wonder how important a role the architecture of the city can play.

There is a lot of hype surrounding a sunset and a beach- it is an event; something poems are written about- I don't know what the fuss is all about. Going northward on a saturday evening, I spent an hour at the door of a local train, looking at the passing faces of those in other trains- with each train that moved alongside ours, the people seemed to glow; the colour began to deepen- from gold to orange, and from red to brown- finally reducing to a silhouette in the colour of the night. Standing at the edge with the wind in my face, I could not see the sun setting, but it was the finest sunset I have had in the city of the beaches.

2008-08-20T09:42:00.001-07:00

Mumbai. I think this one word is enough to make a mark, to evoke a reaction; to say 'I live in mumbai' brings with it a lot of things- crowd, hype, struggle, ambition, no-nonsense, fast, busy, smart, and vast. My first week in mumbai has been overwhelming; the city leaves you more in awe than frustration- it gives me a high!

Maharashtra presents a marvellous range of greens during the rainy season; the black soil and the equally dark tree-barks sit in perfect contrast to them- wonder how it would look if I smeared the painting with a long stroke of red?

There are so many natural filters in any given city- and each present a very different shade of the city. For example, you can easily trust anyone on the road at 6 30 am on a weekday- only those seriously interested in sport, health or academics will be on the road then- and they're not thieves. If you want to be kidnapped, walk on the same road at 2am. If you want to ask for directions, ask the ones who look like they don't have the time to answer- not the ones who could give you an hour. You can talk to anybody in the park at 7am on a sunday- but shut up in the same park at 9pm; better still, DON'T go there. It's really funny, how the same place provides us with such a range- and how the city actually asks for its inhabitants to be inconsistent! Life, they say, is multilayered.

On my fifteen minute walk to work, I pass a porsche showroom and a satya paul studio. Cool, eh? :)

2008-08-05T00:41:00.000-07:00

I like observing people, and most of all when a fight breaks out in a group- when everybody is apparently arguing and nobody can make out who is saying what. It is really not that way. It is an amusing thing to study- it gives invaluable insights into the personalities of people involved. In any given group, there are always those who are, with great conviction, putting forth their points of view; but constitute only half of the group. There are others- those who choose to ignore the noise; those who show frustration at the madness; those who can switch off and find something else interesting to do; those who wish they had never come; those who find it all very funny; those who simply walk out; and finally those, who like me, very quietly, observe the scene. What is marvellous, I think, is the fact that every group comprises ALL; and it is this very 'range' that makes life exciting.

I feel like making gifts again; I feel like chattering continuously like I used to- I feel like myself after a long time- I don't know what has changed or how it has changed, but I am sure it has a lot to do with Namrata. The mad woman, she has shocked me with her personality! God help those she is heading towards! :)

I am really bad at writing letters; they demand too much of continuous attention from my volatile brain- I'm not very good with the words either. If I flop as an architect, I won't be able to make it as a second-rate clerk also! Maybe I should try the delivery part of the letters- post office zindabad! hehe...

" जाने ना कहाँ वोह दुनिया है , जाने ना वोह है भी या नहीं - जहाँ मेरी जिंदगी मुझसे इतनी खफा नहीं । "

2008-07-31T00:45:00.000-07:00

I am blissfully weird, and I like it. I do mad, unconventional things, things that seem silly and abnormal for my age and 'image'... I hold the handrail up along a staircase not for support, but to feel the material; I like to go to the temples- not to pray, but to hear the silence; I observe and notice the hidden things, while the most visible ones simply miss my eye...I do not remember the type and history of trees even though I am obsessed with greenery, but I know what a tree does to a space and how to use it; I do not remember people by names but by their unique skills- it is a very different way of life, mine- almost as though I do not speak the same language as everyone else. Am I illiterate, then?

I am currently 'unemployed'. It's a wonderful feeling, this- to have secured a killer job, and still have some time to do organised time-pass. I am both scared and elated, nervous and relieved- at the same time! I want to do EVERYTHING in this time; feels like it is indeed the end of this world- and every passing hour, I am desperately trying to fit in another thing into the damn list!

One thing I am DYING to understand is the meaning of ‘love’. The whole world seems to be obsessed with it. It seems to be the very basis of the existence of all mankind; it is one thing everyone experiences, and everyone craves for. And the love you have for your life-partner is the most hyped. Or maybe not. How does one ‘fall’ in love? What is the process? And what does ‘Pyaar kiya nahin jaata, bas ho jaata hai’ mean? Lot of questions. No answers yet.

" Life in mumbai is fast, glamorous, stinky n crowded; it's a great city but a terrible place. "
Let's find out, shall we? :)

2008-07-27T01:55:00.000-07:00

Sanjay Mohe makes me want to believe, he makes me want to have faith- in this time of Hafeez Contractor and IT parks. “You have to stand your ground – stand up for what you believe- right from day one.” It is not only now that he can ‘afford’ to refuse vaastu-crazy clients; he has been doing it right from the start. “Once you compromise, it becomes a process of running behind the money,” he says- “Do good work, and then you can choose to have all the money- you will command.”

“Utterly brilliant”. LOVE the adjective! :)

This seems like a fantastic time frame of my life; these are the years that will be most uncertain, curious, and ‘beautiful’. All bollywood songs seem to be written for this age; all definitions seem to reverse- things that we have been asked to stay away from will be expected of us- it is a special kind of transition, I think. I will begin to experience new things; will look at things differently- it is amusing, how ‘coming of age’ changes even the basic way one looks at life. It just makes me realize that I have been living in some kind of a bubble; and am sure when I look back 25 years later, will still be thinking the same! Nice place to be, this.

It is a waste of brilliant weather, this. Staying at home in horror of the bomb blasts. Just when you think its time to remove the jackets from the cupboard, you’re grounded. God, I could NOT be more self-centered!

2008-07-20T08:02:00.000-07:00

It’s a very bad idea to watch a movie in Bangalore if you have a cold. That too, without a jacket. Sniff.

“The architecture of Geoffrey Bawa is about the poetry of space. It is about raising one’s spirits to celebrate life. This is realised with a minimum of fuss and no theorizing. It is an absolute experience which is direct and pleasurable. It is about restraint, understatement and quietness...When you sit in one of Bawa’s verandahs, it is always what you see that counts, and rarely the building itself. This idea of ‘formlessness’ is a very curious thing because the whole of western architectural discourse has been about form making.”

It’s a pity to see a person speak his heart out towards someone else’s concern- and not be understood. It’s unfair, really- appalling, almost.

S.U.P.W. Some Useful Period Wasted. Synonymous to Laxmi madam’s class back in school. I think we literally pulled a leg off her body and presented it to her as a 'favorite teacher' award. She seemed quite thrilled by it. She made the most controversial of statements- “There are floods in Assam because the tides (-oh my goodness-) are running backwards”!! The winner, though, is her ‘India map’. You could NOT get her to stop drawing an oddly-shaped elephant on the black board in the form of our own bharat. Ask her why the earth rotates, and she’ll start drawing the India map!

2008-07-18T05:56:00.000-07:00

How important was architecture in ‘The Matrix’? Why was the room Neo and Trinity took the guns from, all white? Why was it floorless, windowless, wall-less and roof-less? What is that kind of architecture trying to evoke? If you wanted to sketch that room, how would you? There are no planes, no light and thus no shadow; no furniture, flooring, or roof; no tree, grass or sky. And yet, it is a space. It evokes emotion; it occupies virtual space- it exists in the mind, but it exists. How would you draw it?

It was a moment; and as a moment I shall remember it- it is amusing how we recall times we live in real-time as snap shots; photographs, almost. That photo is surreal, as are all we tend to remember- light flooding in from behind her, and bringing along with it a huge gust of wind- I will remember it as a muted detail- I do not recall what we were giggling about; only that we were giggling...“We always romanticize the past and dramatize the future, but never express the present”, Sanjay Mohe told me- it is a mighty detail that goes unnoticed...Every single moment, every photograph, every conversation in Mindspace has been precious to me- it was the pre-decided romanticism of the past that the future is going to be.

It is not everyday that one gets to watch Sanjay Mohe sketching- and when I did, I wrote this-
I see the big, thick lines covering the site; fast and accurate in thought, they look down into the site...Once the lines rest, the pondering begins- there are views, details and scribbles all in company of the big lines- it is almost as if the small ones scatter around the source- the sheet is rich, heavy, and precious. And this is only the beginning.

I have an abnormally large nose. I think it could easily pass off as a batata-wada. Also, the centreline of my nose and that of my face do not coincide- much like the difference between the magnetic and rotating axes of the earth- manufacturing defects, they are. :)

2008-07-16T00:22:00.000-07:00

It was raining most of last night - it was god's way of keeping the night awake , I think - it was keeping me company . . .

I've been travelling like mad - five different cities over three trips in three weeks - not bad , eh ? I wonder how long I can be floating around like this - sooner or later I am going to have to 'settle down'. Aarrghh - I don't think I even like the sound of that !

' You can know too much , but you might not know enough. '

Mehendi is a funny thing ; I cannot stop being amused by how its contact with a surface leaves behind such a beautifully coloured mark - something that cannot be transferred , modified or replicated - shows up to brighten up the entire palm , and then quietly vanishes into oblivion . . .

I simply love Varun ; he has recently shocked me with his emotional growth - I think Pratibha has done him a world of good . . . He's the only one I can say has 'lasted the years' - everyone else has faded - slowly , but steadily . . . Varun is still as wonderfully weird as he has always been - I don't think it can be taken out of him - I cannot imagine him without the silly jokes , mad faces , bizarre body language or the sunky reactions - but what is important is that he's so much more than that now; deeper , I would say - noone can simply write him off anymore - it has been wonderful to watch him as the years have passed - hope to continue for many more !

2008-07-09T08:44:00.000-07:00

'What you are is so loud that I cannot hear what you're saying . . . '

It is amusing how we cannot see the wind ; only what it does to things we can see . . . It is wonderful, really- different things respond differently to the same source- it is the rich detailing in nature that makes for such wonderful layering ; and look at us , trying to unify it all !

Every time there is a question about myself that I cannot get around , I look into my blog ; it gives me hints , directions . . . There are things in there I never knew - things that I didn't intend to pen down but did involuntarily ; every time I read it I find something new , something I didn't know about myself - just like every building I see - what we actually see of the things visible to us varies with time . . . It's a part of the 'keep-learning-all-your-life' theory - endless , immeasurable ,and precious . . .

Every time I visit a new city , I take a video along the streets while I travel within the city - I think it's an excellent way of capturing the various sounds , colours , people , language , infrastructure , and fundamental landscape of the city - all in one shot . . . Believe me , they can be shockingly different from one another - I'm documenting the world in a small way - Someday I'm going to sell it for a killer price ! He he . . .

2008-07-07T02:31:00.000-07:00

'Roti , kapda , aur makaan' have been our understanding of the fundamentals in life ; bollywood-wise, too . . We're 'progressing' now - network , electric energy , and internet . . We've taken for granted the primary ; we're in the second circle now . . I wonder what the third circle is going to be - companionship , 'happiness' and love ?

Only the fortunate get sleep whenever they want to . . .Like me ! He he he . . . I can sleep anywhere , anytime , irrespective of location - it's god's way of loving me ! :-)

It is very , very difficult to surprise me ; i am too curious for that . . . But i cannot stop being amused by a certain friend of mine who has surprised me , over and over again , in newer and newer ways . . Maybe it's easier for those you don't expect absolutely anything from to catch you off-guard . . Those in the inner-most circle have to try harder and are easiest to catch red-handed . . A lot also depends on the Want to surprise . . Hmmm . . .

I'm writing this post from my mobile phone , lying down, watching TV and thinking at the same time . . . 'Technology' , they say it is . . . I'm loving it !

2008-06-19T07:34:00.000-07:00

The concept of potential energy has always amused me; the idea that there exists something ‘physical’ that cannot be seen is so bizarre..But then there are instances during our daily routines which suddenly hit you- they leave you thinking that maybe that’s what hidden energy must be like..Yesterday while lighting the incense stick in front of the idol of God, I realized that if you slowly move the tip of the stick in a vertical line downward in the same line as the tip of the flame of the oil lamp, the incense stick gets ignited before it physically meets the flame- it’s such a powerful revelation! I cannot stop thinking about it; it has the capacity to arouse, elevate!

Talking about night-outs being a normal syndrome for an architect, I was showing off to my grandfather- “It’s a lot of hard work-”...He then recollected the one time he had stayed up all night- and the funniest thing, I thought, was that my grandmother was listening intently, too! She hadn’t heard this! Can you believe it? They’ve been together 50 years now, and there are things still, that they do not know about each other! They say one lifetime is not enough to know a person; it’s so true!

How important is it to have a good ‘general’ knowledge? What is the purpose of being ‘aware’? Is it a good way of understanding where you stand in relation to everyone else? Is it a good base for communication skills? How is it going to matter to me, whether or not the governor of Karnataka addresses the joint session of the assembly in the sixth decade of the Indian independence?? I mean, how is this going to make my life what it is?

It’s time for a line. A line that demarcates my understanding of the self. A line that starts to define how I am. A line that decides what I want to be. “You are what you want to be”, someone once said. I am beginning to believe.

2008-06-05T11:29:00.000-07:00

Infrastructure can create warmth, and industrialization can bring beauty. I thought otherwise till today. We as architects have forever been cursing the ill effects that technology brings- but I realized today that we’ve been too busy to recognize and appreciate its hidden side. While navigating through the good-old-traffic-jam at hosur road this morning, it hit me- we don’t always need trees to create shadow and relief from the maddening sun; the elevated highway blesses, too. Funny.

I have come to realize that architecture has shown me a path of creative freedom, a different form of expression. In this very process, I think, I have let go of some of the ‘intellectual’ that I used to be. If someone asks me a riddle, my mind comes up with alternate answers- creative, but alternate- I am not answering the question. It’s a little disappointing.

Spirituality, in my head, until recently, was a vague mass of un-definable thoughts; spirituality was something that cannot be categorized or broken down- it was simply a direction of thought. But after a few inspiring talks with Medappa, I am beginning to give it a shape, a structure; I understand what its basic intent is, what it envelopes, and what it comprises of. “It is a science”, they say- I do not yet understand why then, there is still no unified theory. Somewhere, something is left unattended, I think.

" गुरु गोबीन्द दोउ खड़े कके मागु पाय,

बलीहारी गुरु आपने गोबीन्द दीयो बताय। "

I understand now, more than ever, what this means. Kabir rocks! :)

2008-06-01T23:59:00.000-07:00

"अगर भगवान् हमें जोडियों में बनाते हैं, तो क्या तुम्हे अपने जुडवे भाई का नाम मालूम है??"

I love graphs. They are such simple, yet accurate form of representation of data. I think they should be used more extensively; my brother and I once argued about the 'achievement' of the human race over time, with the help of a graph. He drew an exponential curve upwards with time, and I drew a straight line parallel to the horizontal axis, although with a certain offset. I don't remember how we came about discussing it, or even how it ended; only that it made a difference to my process of thinking..If my thought process was an algorithm, that argument made it efficient, I think. Loo-oo-oong way to go still.

To make someone want to do something good for themselves, or to inspire them to stir, is such a rare quality. I want to have it.

"There is nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has arrived."

2008-05-29T20:32:00.000-07:00

“Economics, at its core, is the study of incentives.” I likes! :)

Recently I have been asked the most fundamental of questions- about myself- my basic aim, interests, and path of life- and I have been digging through myself for the answers.. Suddenly it feels like I’m all grown up; feels like its time I know and manage it all- feels like I must act responsibly.. It is not about my life alone anymore- I am beginning to affect another’s life, too. It feels strange; abnormal, somehow- I don’t feel like staying here- I want to go and eat ice cream! Something new is on my shoulder, and it will remain there for the rest of my life... I am not complaining; I am simply amused by what time brings us- new sets of glasses every few years!

I was reading through the earliest posts of my blog yesterday, and I found so many errors- grammatical and otherwise- and my immediate reaction was to correct them; but then again, I realized that this is never ending- I will constantly be recognizing mistakes over time... I guess this is what it means to be learning all your life- to keep upgrading the scale of measurement of skill and quality.. Even Sanjay Mohe keeps recognizing lines he should have changed, spaces he should have dealt with differently.. This means, though, that we can never be satisfied with ourselves till the very end, when there is no more time to learn. Not a stable mental condition, is it?

They say one does not get everything in life. To understand what is more important and move accordingly, is being mature. Mighty difficult, I must say!

2008-05-01T09:26:00.000-07:00

“ Optimist, creative, self-made, ambitious, respectful, caring, cheerful & most important her rustic kannada (trust me even my maid servant can speak better! These are some of the traits that were, and will be, eternally associated with Amrita. The kind of importance she attaches to simple things in life (like our every-sunday-lalbagh-jogging or khara-baath or 'Corner House uncle') just goes to say how much she likes to celebrate every single moment of her life. A born 'talk'aholic and definitely a people's woman, it would never be hard for a stranger to instantly pick up an exciting chat with her. She detests judging people and this lets one be his/her self while talking to her. Wishing her all luck & happiness in life ...cheers! ”

I was amused by an advertisement on a big hoarding today- someone trying to sell a platinum ring, showcasing it as ‘very rare, very you’, and trying to reach out to an entire city! Does nobody else see the irony here? ‘rare’. And they want the entire country to buy it. Huh.

Red ‘goes’ with everything. I like the effect it creates- it is both bold and dangerous at the same time; creates interest and caution simultaneously- stands out immediately. I would never wear a green shirt thinking it was ‘bright’, but red- anytime. :)

Do mosquitoes breathe?

2008-04-19T06:02:00.000-07:00

I was reading the editorial of the newest India today where he talks of how shallow the word ‘great’ has become. How often and lightly we throw it around; and I completely agree. ‘Great is a highly overused term in today’s inflationary India. It could be a victory against Australia. A speech at a political rally, or even a movie at a multiplex. In this cacophony, perhaps it is time to pause on the nature of greatness.’ I think we all agree. The measurement system for human intelligence, talent and work has deviated- it’s a whole new scale- maybe there is a need to redefine today.

I simply love Anju atya. I don’t know why, but I told her that she has been ‘wasting’ her skill all these years- what with family issues and all. I keep thinking that she could have been something; she could have made a big impact with that kind of talent. But when I saw monalisa smile (again) today, I realized I must not be so quick to access- “I know exactly what I am doing, and it does not make me any less smart! You stand in class and ask us to look beyond the image, but you don’t. To you, a housewife is someone who has sold her soul; someone who has no depth, no intellect, no interests-”. Hmm...

With what we call ‘advancement in technology’, arrive newer problems- let’s take the case of cameras. Earlier, we had film roll cameras- the number was finite, and the process of converting them to something we can see was tedious. Now, we all have digital cameras; each image can be viewed almost immediately, and there is no limit. But we have a new problem. The battery. These are very expensive, and recharging them is a tedious process. The battery life lowers over the years, and they simply give way sometimes. With development, come developed problems- it’s almost as if they must co-exist; and I think that the problems have become more and more unexplainable over the years. Is sweating of the hand while you ink a more understandable problem than a virus erasing your entire drawing? Yes. More unexplainable, more irritating- more irritating, more unusable. Does that mean we have to get back to drafting?

To the times we never make an effort to remember, and to those very times, that we cannot get ourselves to forget- cheers!

2008-03-23T07:08:00.000-07:00

It’s been a huge ride, this- B.Arch has given me one hell of an experience; every high and low one can think of. I have travelled the country, been understood and misunderstood, felt lonely and crowded, been written off and hailed to glory, been invisible and recognized- all at the same time. When work was crap, I was into volleyball- there I was ‘famous’; everybody knew and wanted to know me. When I got back into the studio, I was invisible again; nobody cared. It was a funny ride; memorable nonetheless- time well spent.

I have realized recently that everything in life is a phase. Everything comes to pass. No phase repeats; there is no absolute truth- no absolute value. Nothing remains from one to another; only memories, and those too, if you allow them. I seem to be a different person in each phase; different circumstances that define the phase seem to define me, too. Right now, I am standing at the end of one; I am waiting for another to begin. Something is missing; something is out of place. There are a few people who try to smuggle themselves into more than a phase; they are amused by the difference in me. I do not understand- feel like I am at the hands of some absurd power that I cannot see; something that makes ‘life’ what it is. I don’t know how to understand this word- ‘life’; maybe it’s a string of continuous phases- maybe the only thing common with all these phases is in fact, life itself.

Today I was asked to design a farm house for a family friend, and for a bizarre ten seconds, I sensed a void in me- felt like I was asked to ‘design’ after a long time. Felt like asking a fundamental question- felt like looking up the meaning.. I felt something similar when we were asked to ‘study’ for first semester structures- I had forgotten how to ‘study’. That was amusing, but this is dangerous.

“Imagination is primary; knowledge is secondary।”

2008-03-21T04:38:00.000-07:00

When I am overwhelmed with emotion and don’t know what to do with it, I write. I don’t know where the words come from; it’s almost like I am in a sub-conscious state- nice state to be in! hehe... I have never really been able to pin down the source of what we call ‘ideas’- where do they come from? And why do they arrive like a hurricane in the head, and leave us all excited? What is it? Is it a function of one’s persona? Then why is unexplainable? Is it a ‘property’?

There are some people that you come across in life, and they never leave you the same. All they have to do is be themselves; and their impact on us is un-imaginary, unparalleled. Its amusing, really- it’s very, very rare; I am glad for the existence of these... one such is a colleague- shiny. You just have to be with her for ten minutes, and you immediately feel like putting her in a glass box to safeguard her; she is too precious to be lost into this world- although it is this very world that made her. She gives me hope- to be appreciated for what you are; and not evaluated at the same scale as the rest of the world. Patri se hatke bahut kam log soch paate hain- kho na jaayen ye- tare zameen par.

I have experienced the purest and deepest form of friendship once; something that I will cherish all my life... Time, though, is slowly etching off the soft memory; soon it will be a story I tell my disinterested grandchildren...I have realized, lately, that nobody really cares. Nobody really wants to know the depths of a person anymore; nobody understands either. Memories and how they make that person are meant for that person alone. Maybe except your parents. I do not know where they get it from- the unconditional concern and love; I cannot ever see myself being as selfless. Ever.

2008-01-18T07:04:00.000-08:00

I like writing about writing, reading about reading, and talking about talking. Nobody does that. I remember doing something similar in a ‘creative’ writing competition in school- I ‘creatively’ wrote about creative writing! I narrated a story of two teachers in school judging a creative writing competition, and how they didn’t understand an entry which ‘creatively’ wrote about creative writing. Hehe... I had SO much fun writing it; I made that particular entry win the first prize in my story- ‘creative’, don’t you think? hehe...

I read an interesting editorial the other day; it spoke of how architecture, more than anything else, is about conviction. It spoke of how ‘accountability’ of built ceases to be entertained once the building is complete. “Where is the factor of responsibility for what one has built post its being built? It seems enough for the architect to have just ‘built’. Period. In their blinkered path to being responsible for their architecture, architects find comfort behind ignorant clients. Historically, true architecture has always been dependant on the conviction in design of its creator. It is this conviction that makes the Taj what it is.”

It is funny how we’re so attached to certain things; I have this over sized sweater that I cannot seem to let go of- It’s my dad’s sweater, and I wear it every evening at home for the colder half of the year. Must wash it sometime, eh? :)

2008-01-16T06:21:00.000-08:00

I just finished the last paper of B.Arch today. CA902- Architectural Design- 18 hours, completed in three sittings of 6 hours each. Sounds scary, eh? Hehe... It was fun. Design exams for me are always ‘walk-in’; a good clear (empty) head is the ‘preparation’. :)

Ants retrace the same locus in return mode. I do, too. I don’t know why.

Australian Open has begun. It’s the same problem every year- starts just when you realize there is no time to watch TV. Or rather there should be no time to watch TV. I remember Akhila cribbing about this very thing years ago, when I was helping her with her thesis work. Wonderful lady, Akhila. She’s so warm and friendly; “ANY doubts, you can always call me”, she assures me every time I call. She was the one who asked me to apply to Mindspace; I owe it to her, this entire internship success. It makes me want to be a good senior to my junior. I must treat her some day.

If you draw a graph of the life of a rechargeable battery versus the number of times it is (re)charged, it’s an exponential curve; and at one point, the life simply reduces to a minimum. I have had the same experience with my cell, camera and cordless phone. I would rather buy a new battery rather than re-re-re-re-recharge it and have a life of two minutes. Hu-uh.

2008-01-14T06:24:00.000-08:00

I am writing after a very long time. A lot of things have happened; a lot has come to pass. I remember writing a ‘To think about’ list on the front page of my universal book- Thesis topic, Internship, ‘aim’ in life, further studies, etc. It all happened suddenly; one thing followed another, and now its time to look back. Well, almost. I am two weeks away from my thesis viva, secured a place in one of the most coveted firms in Bangalore, have a certain agenda chalked out, and am actually thinking about masters. Not bad. Come to think of it, I don’t think there was any other way for it to be, other than ‘not bad’.

People say I have changed; I think I can feel it myself. Smitha thinks it’s because there are so many things going on in my life that I am not handling all the load well.. I have grown quieter; I don’t need ‘friends’ anymore- I think I have gotten used to being alone. Yeah. I remember telling Mudasir that I wanted to stop laughing as much; I use to laugh a little too much. Change is good, they say.

It’s heartbreaking to not be understood by your own.

To be well read does not demand specifics; yet most ‘well read’ people seem to be blissfully oblivious of major chunks of society. Why is this world so huge? Why does it seem impossible these days, to be a Michelangelo? Why does even the idea seem ridiculous? I want to be a Leonardo Da Vinci - painter, sculptor, architect, scientist, mathematician, everything! I didn’t want to choose between physics and architecture; I had to. And now I am at a point where I cannot think of going back- maybe it’s the ‘structured-ness’ of education that’s taking up my life- ‘self-taught’ has been forced extinct.

2007-11-30T17:14:00.000-08:00

I am addicted to Vaseline.

I am totally amused by the way my brother looks at things. His glasses are so analytical; ‘everything has a logical explanation behind it’...Why is the right striker in football paid higher than the one on the left? Why are female models paid higher than the male? Why is cost a good indication of things? Why does the market act in a manner that it does? EVERYTHING has a logical explanation; I am beginning to understand it. It is one of the boons of having a psycho genius for a brother.

I saw the advertisement of TATA TISKON STEEL on my way back home the other day; the concept was simple- they used comparison. 90 percent of the ad area was covered by the image of a pretty girl; introducing her, and adding below that being a fitness freak, her ‘weak point’ is fried food. Then, in a small strip of space left over at the bottom right corner, there was an image of a steel rod, announcing that this did not have any ‘weak point’. See now, I understand the idea, but it is not that effective, somehow. It feels like it was a good try at an ad; something that missed the cross hair. Wonder how differently they could have presented the same idea.

The whole world seems to want to lose weight. I, for one, don’t understand how ‘not eating’ is an option for our bodies. Personally, I cannot seem to get around it. I am addicted to food; for me, ‘not eating’ is not an option that works. Because I can’t not eat. Just can’t.

2007-11-27T21:10:00.000-08:00

I have been watching a lot of ‘friends’ these past few days. I’m scarily similar to Monica.

I have been officially appointed my sister-in-law’s stylist. I am to take charge of her appearance- I have to pick out clothes for her; design her outfits and buy her shoes. It’s like dressing a Barbie doll. Only I think she’s prettier...I’M LOVING IT! :)

Standing at the end of my five years of undergraduate education, I felt like it was time to ‘reflect’ upon the times gone by; thinking of the things we learnt in the studio to the things we almost learnt..Hehe...it has been fun. Although, I don’t think I would want to live them again. Like school. I loved it; but I don’t want to go back...It is amusing to stand at this point in life, where everything is going to change in a matter of a few months; and I have NO IDEA what it’s going to be like.

A big stationery store is opening near my home- I could not be happier. I have always LOVED stationery and anything to do with it; have immensely enjoyed the Need For Stationery as an architecture student. NFS...hehe..

2007-11-25T19:11:00.000-08:00

This phenomenon of the computer ‘hanging’ is so absurdly described...‘hung’...hehe...I wonder who attached this word. It’s not very imagination-friendly; and so are so many other terms used in the ‘computer world’—-‘windows’. Haha...The first time I heard my brother use the term, I kept imagining a big window in the wall, and packets of information- like chits- being thrown in and out...I used to think, ‘How can they possibly think THIS is more efficient??’ hehe...

Why are we supposed to change our clothes before we go to bed? ‘Because they’re comfortable’-->Does that mean that what we wear all day is uncomfortable? Why is there a constant war between ‘fashion’ and ‘comfort’?

When god created this world, he made one mistake. He should have devised for us, a better way to travel. Physical movement is really, really irritating.

I designed a logo for my brother’s blog. I really like it- very simple, yet ground breaking. Feels good. :)

2007-11-23T17:17:00.000-08:00

We keep saying, “The pen is mightier than the sword” and the like- simply put, it’s the ability to reach out to the masses, right? It’s the large numbers that we are overwhelmed by; no one would care about a newspaper if only ten people read it. If five people are interested in what you say, it’s not a big deal. If the entire country is interested in what you say, it is a big deal. ‘You’ve got the power.’ I wonder what the understanding of ‘power’ was back in the Stone Age.

It’s also amusing how everything thickens if it involves large masses. Say a birthday party. Let’s say I have invited ten friends over for lunch. It’s nice and warm; a couple of my friends who don’t like tomato sauce on their sandwiches can ask my mom to make a few without the sauce, and when anyone wants a bigger glass of juice, they can have it. Now imagine a party with 200 guests. Everyone gets the same sandwich and the same glass; the likes/dislikes of the individual basically go to hell. This is only with reference to food- this happens EVERYWHERE; ‘planning’ comes into the picture- we’re making new rules to make things simpler to plan, execute and handle- while losing out on primary choices. At this point on the earth, I don’t think we have much choice left.

Rithvik does not speak or understand Hindi. It’s shocking, actually. I think this is the first Indian I have met that does not know the language.

These final submissions are driving me crazy. I just feel like sleeping now and getting up in the last week of January...

2007-11-20T08:23:00.000-08:00

I have been cooking. And very unexpectedly, I am having fun! I love the various aromas; I am amused by how differently we can chop vegetables and how correspondingly the method of their cooking differs- I am enjoying the process...Every vegetable, every spice and every leaf has a distinct aroma, a distinct flavour- its wonderful, really, to see how two different flavours come together- I have been experimenting- left, right and centre- cooking ROCKS! :)

We WON the tournament held in RV today!! I cannot believe it- I as captain, lifted the trophy- oh, it was brilliant! And we didn’t win because we gave ourselves a good fixture- we played league, and we won by beating ALL. Fair and square. The best possible way of ending my volleyball days in college- could not have asked for a better win- more importantly, a better team. We all sang it- ‘Hum huve kaamiyaab- AAJ KE DIN!’ hehe...Now, I have something to tell my grandchildren! :D

When you’re carrying a camera with you, trying to capture the moments of life, I believe that there is no such thing as ‘too much’. I don’t think anyone can take too many photographs- no matter how many photographs you take, you are still capturing only a part of the reality...Ten years later, every moment captured will be precious- more the better!

2007-11-17T08:20:00.001-08:00

Diwali was great fun. Watching the *two great movies* was the highlight. I like Jab We Met more than both.

I visited a place recently that I had visited once as a kid; a park as a venue for a drawing competition- I think I was in 6th or 7th standard...I was with my school friends then- I remember Manjunath most distinctly. We used to call him ‘koli’; I have NO idea why. Hehe...I haven’t met him in 8 years now; he moved to Bihar as soon as we completed primary school. I wonder what he is doing these days- He was my dearest friend; I hope to bump into him on the street someday...The world isn’t really that big a place, you know..:)

I think the word ‘safety-pin’ is a bit out of context to its use. ‘Safety’? really? I wonder.

On the way back home today, I witnessed a minor accident ahead of me- a truck scraping the side of a stationery bus while getting around it. I was behind a car which was immediately behind the bus; the incident was to change the fate of that man in the car- he was about to be two hours late to wherever he was headed. Such rotten luck. And to think it was in NO WAY his fault. The same with all vehicles headed in the direction of the spot- terrible, terrible mess. If carefully seen, though, these kinds of incidents also provide a variety of entertainment; the two victims screaming at each other, neither listening- background music provided by the honking vehicles waiting for a clear road, and onlookers occasionally walking up to the scene with bitti gyaan. There are some things we should just laugh off, I guess. But then, it’s really not possible at that moment, being in the driver’s seat of that car.

2007-11-15T18:26:00.001-08:00

I think the time of the KHANS is over. The time of the Kapoors is here. Shahid, Kunal, Ranbir, Sonam, Kareena.

I like the semi colon; it brings a wonderful sense of continuity to a sentence- I like playing with the semi colons and the hyphens; they make for very effective dramatization tools.

Riding with meeta on the bike to college for volleyball practice 6 30 in the morning makes for the best memories ever. Hehe...It is funny how women never run out of topics to talk about..even on a bike in killer wind.

I really like ‘kaka-angadis’; they are these really tiny miscellaneous shops most visible on the outskirts of the city...Hardly 2m x 3m in plan, they are capable of stuffing a lot more than you think. They ALL look more or less the same; a row of glass jars along the front facade, placed over a counter which is unusually high..a thousand small plastic packets of chips, gems, and the like- hanging from a corner- effectively all these result in you never being able to see the ‘kaka’...There is something nostalgic about them; I feel good every time I visit one. Maybe because they’re gonna be extinct soon.

2007-10-29T07:27:00.000-07:00

Every second person I meet in Bangalore is a software engineer. Softie, to be precise. :)

I wonder who invented the concept of ‘mass-bunk’. It’s awesome! Hehe...it’s the biggest and most relieving escapist activity EVER. We’re ALL looking to escape, aren’t we? Why is it always easier to do the wrong thing? Why is it always difficult to do the right thing? Why does it need courage to stand up for what is right? If it were simpler to do the right thing, no one would do the wrong thing in the first place! Imagine- it would be a nice, warm world...

Development of design intent into the architectural form is one big roller coaster ride. Somehow, all through the past few years, I have not been able to categorize or tabulate; there is no one ‘certain path’. Somehow, every project offers different sets of variables- time, mood, friends, weather, pressure, expectation, and help. For every new set of combination, a new process seems to have dawned. Maybe it will stabilize once I start working with a certain fixed set of people.

I love drawing architectural sections. I (more often than not) start arriving at my built form through sections. Its fun, and somehow the whole site is not stuffed in your face. You’re taking one plane at a time, and simplifying the issue; seems more effective to me.

2007-10-27T17:55:00.001-07:00

“The worst thing you could say about an architect is that he/she is not well read.”

Diwali is here. I am slowly beginning to realize that good times don’t just happen- you have to make them happen- you have to take initiative; you have to make it a big deal.

Kunal kapoor deals with instant celebrity status by constantly telling himself- “It’s not you, but the people around you that have changed.”

My next design review is on 30th. They gave us a list of ‘requirements’- Seemed like they wanted us to have everything- the entire design finalized, thought over, and drawn. What is the point of the review? Maybe later they will expect a different level of detail, I guess.

2007-10-25T17:37:00.000-07:00

I think that of all the time we have spent in college, this semester has been the best. Of course there are the weekly doses of ‘pep talk’, but then we know its all in our best interest; only we are a bit mad...This, does not, however deter the feeling of coming to college only twice a week- and it feels so good that we come to college for some serious, directional work. We are not made to come to college and attend lectures that don’t matter much, or those we can’t resist sleep in- we actually come to college with a certain agenda- a discussion- and we all know we need it. It’s nice NOT to be worrying about the ACM drafting class after the design studio; not worried about the structures test tomorrow- not crib about our date with the dingy lecture hall in the basement. Good times, these.

It is getting colder. I am so ‘happieee’, because now I can wear all my jackets! I love jackets- and own about fifteen of them! I guess it comes from a need to layer- somehow I like the concept a lot. I love layering- and I can see myself try everywhere- clothing, presentation, sketching...I think it creates interest, most primarily, and also helps make things rich with detail- its not easy to break down and understand quickly what is presented; you like the way it looks, and you realize that you have to give this more time and attention before you ‘understand’ it.

The other day my friend was commenting on my ‘loafing-around-the-city’ skills- ‘It’s either next to her house, near banashankari, or it is north Bangalore!’ Hehe..

2007-10-23T20:38:00.000-07:00

I don’t like to share food. I don’t share ice cream.

This concept of a horn is a bit crazy. See now, its primary function is to make a certain sound when the rider wants to communicate with the person riding in front of him. And that’s what usually happens- except when people bash into you from the side. This is an extremely rare case of traffic chaos in the world, abundantly present in India. And when you horn so as to warn the guy on your side, the guy in the front turns back and gives you the ‘look’. We should probably create the concept of ‘side horn’.

They’re trying to make the concept of ‘oil champi’ before hair wash ‘cool’. What with deepika pudukune saying it with pretty eye make-up and all.

Yesterday in class, I was explaining to Janice how she lies on the line in between ‘pretty’ and ‘beautiful’. I explained to her my theory of expression of beauty and charm- I call it the ‘deeper than the shallow skin theory’. ‘Pretty’ comes with a certain degree of ‘airheadness’- Janice is not an air-head. Then again, ‘beautiful’ comes with words like ‘unapproachable’, and ‘museum exhibit’. But Janice is very much accessible and a lot of fun- so that’s how she lies on the line in between ‘pretty’ and ‘beautiful’. Hehe...She almost hit me with the set square~!

2007-10-21T09:20:00.001-07:00

I don’t know why things start with a bang and then fade slowly into darkness. Take orkut for example. In the beginning it was a craze- people formed thousands of communities- and now look- there’s hardly any activity going on. If we drew a graph of activity versus time, it would be an exponential curve, downwards. Wonder why. Consistency. Maybe it’s the same logic of ‘It’s easy to make a promise, but immensely difficult to follow it through’...When we fade out of one, the other ones surface; and the same repeats. Is that why they say ‘history repeats itself’?

These fashion ‘forecasts’ are crazy. I refuse to ‘get’ them - WHO decides what is IN fashion and what is OUT-OF fashion? Everything seems to be coming round- my mom laughs at our lack of originality...What is ‘IN’ now, is what was ‘IN’ even when she was a teenager- ‘Nothing great in the human race having had 25 years to evolve- we’ve arrived at the same thing!’

I have never applied make-up on my face. Till today. Eye pencil. I wonder if it’s the age factor- the older you get, the more make-up you start applying... It amuses me to see how ALL women are scared of growing old. EVERYONE wants to ‘stay young’. ‘18 till I die’.

I was giving physics ‘gyaan’ to my friend over chat yesterday- reminded me of the times I used to hang out in the yahoo physics chat room- we were a wonderful set of psychos; nothing else but ‘miscellaneous’ to describe us--> school kids, accomplished businessmen, architecture students looking for a ‘break’, misled stalkers, time-passers, genuine physicists, losers, and pick pockets- ALL came together to discuss the string theory. Of course, the theory also included unexpected and sometimes undesirable field trips into random talk- hehe- but it was fun altogether. I don’t think I will get to experience that again. But I will surely tell my grandchildren about it. :)

2007-10-19T07:47:00.000-07:00

I saw three movies in the last four days.

Yesterday night I went up to the terrace to bring down the clothes that were hung out to dry. It’s a nice place, my terrace- has a lovely view of the lake close to my home, and a continuous breeze. It’s most wonderful at night. I was almost done, and suddenly I heard someone singing. It was a beautiful voice; I couldn’t recognize the hindi song- someone’s fingers on the tabla supported the wonderful sound..I was simply rooted at the spot for a whole minute- felt strangely satisfied. I hope it’s not someone from my ‘pichla janam’, calling out to me..! :)

Smitha says she didn’t like staying in the US because the place has no ‘character’. She says that every lane, every block, and every city is the very same! In India, though, things are VERY different. Each Indian city feels, looks, and smells different. Or maybe did.

I hate medicines. I hate having to swallow tablets; I STRONGLY believe in the ability of the human body to repair itself. :)

2007-10-17T06:58:00.000-07:00

The basic idea of ISKCON is to try and get all human form to realize its most basic purpose. Now they say that human life goes beyond the ‘circle of life and death’, and the basic aim of life should be the understanding of HOW to get away from this endless cycle. The questions, they say, have to be evoked; and this is not going to happen while we’re busy earning a living. The concept of God, as I understand it, comes only later- that God knows the way out of this cycle, and we should hence worship and love him to be given direction. I wonder if this is the fundamental point of ALL faith. All religion. Darwin’s theory is not too different from the journey of Vishnu and his incarnations on earth- both speak of the evolving form of life. I wonder what will happen if we ‘understand all’. Life won’t be exciting no more, eh? :)

Smitha almost bought me a whole stationary shop back from ammmeeerikaa...Not that those things are GREAT, but that they are not so easily available here. Very small things; new things. It’s very hard to explain to someone WHAT to bring when want ALL stationery- hehehe- but she took it well, and did a wonderful job! :)

My room being on the ground floor is like the worst boon ever. Half the things that fill it up are things that have no specific appointed place in the rest of the house, and conveniently find ‘perfect’ place in my room. Newspaper stacks, extra large and rarely used utensils, the vacuum cleaner, phone directories, guest bed sheets, first aid kit, post office stuff, etc are just some off the list. No wonder all of MY stuff falls off onto the ground!

Pink is officially the colour of the semester. Certainly.

2007-10-14T08:13:00.000-07:00

I don’t know what the problem is with being specific. If someone asks me for the time, I like to be accurate. If someone asks me for the dimension of the tile, I like to be specific. ‘How long do you think this rope is?’—‘Hmmm...Maybe one and quarter metre?’. People frown at me when I give them accurate dimensions. For example, this rope- my brain is telling me that it’s longer than a metre, but not long enough to be one and a half times a metre; thus roughly, it should be one and a quarter. Simple. WHY do people look at me like I were a freak when I do that? They say I am ‘too specific’! It’s the ladder case that my mother talks about.

I want to learn the violin all over again. Damn. I wonder why we get these obsessions in cycles- quarterly, monthly, and the like. I guess this is a different form of ‘hype’.

While watching the cricket match yesterday, I realized that a certain patch of grass was tailored to advertise- the amusing part being that these cater to the audiences watching from their homes--The written matter was looking perpendicular to the camera (which made an angle of about 40 degrees with the ground plane). I wonder how they plot these points on the ground before they start painting.

I have to start getting my portfolio together. I know that its going to be last minute again- and I want to avoid that. But somehow, I can see it coming.

2007-10-12T10:33:00.000-07:00

The guy behind the counter at the bakery today gave me a look of surprise when I moved back in horror in reaction to sniffing a chicken roll. My egg puff, in the meanwhile, was getting packed. He said, ‘How come u eat and egg and not chicken?’. It took me more than a second to realize that this guy knows both, that- I am vegetarian, AND that I eat egg. And he didn’t have to do anything to learn it. Just do his job. It’s funny, how much people gather about us, just by working for/around/with us. My kaka-angadi uncle at college knows that I stay far away from college, that I play volleyball for the team, and that I love samosa. The guy at the service station knows how much I travel on my bike everyday, what kind of roads I ride on, has my complete address and contact number (voluntarily given, too!). If anyone was to track me down, it would be dead easy, I guess. But then, sometimes, we just lose touch with people we once knew, and cannot trace them later- much like my case- I have continuously been searching for a primary school friend of mine...I have not been able to contact him in the last 10 years.. All I need is ONE number- just those digits- soo easy, yet impossible. We live in a funny world.

I am amused by how differently I have started addressing time- earlier it was about yesterday, last week, a year back or maximum two years back. These days, I refer to and think of the times I have lived a decade ago.

Its funny, really, how much of a surety it is that I am going to die one day; it is something that cannot be changed, modified or re-arranged- it’s THE universal truth. I don’t know why it is a ‘taboo’ topic in a general conversation. Also, talking about the ‘meaning of life’ and the like invite not opinions but frowns- people who talk like that are generally looked at as ‘psychos’. We’re just one weird race. I think someone should tell 'God’. Hehe...

I saw the trailer or ‘taare zameen par’ today. I cannot find a word for it. Probably a mix of genius, perfection and simplicity- yeah, I think that would be it. What a spectacular time it is to live our lives- we are moving, and aamir khan is no longer ‘ahead of his time’- the time is here.

2007-10-10T06:50:00.000-07:00

I hate it when I don’t get credit for being good at things- my mom says ‘It’s simply in the genes’. Aarghh. ‘Did u win a debating competition? You had to; of course, your dad was such a natural at it!’ ‘Oh so you won the singing competition? Of course, your dad’s love for music has made your ear sensitive to the sounds-’ ‘Are you the volleyball captain? You simply HAD to be! Your mother was, too!’ ‘Do you stich? Do you knit? Do you apply mehendi? Are you good at studies? Do you have good communication skills? AAARGHH. Same answer. ‘Gift’. ‘Hereditary’. My mom tells me that all that I am is simply a product of her skills and intelligence passed down. That is so depressing! I have not done ANYTHING that my mom hasn’t already excelled at. There is nothing LEFT to, either. Sometimes I think I’m no good. Damn.

I used to think that warming up before actually playing volleyball was a waste of time. It was beyond me, WHY our coach wanted us to simply run around the ground, stretch our limbs and jump as high as we could above the net- only to get exhausted before we even picked up the ball! Having only two hours of practice, I used to hate ‘wasting’ the first hour running in 6 different ways. I used to associate warm-up with those teams which were really ‘good’, and could afford to waste time in walking on their toes around the court. Hehe...I was wrong.

I hate waiting for inspiration to ‘hit’.

Narration is such a skill. It requires such intimate understanding of human psychology! Also, there are types. And kinds.(I never really understood the difference between the two anyway) Narrations meant for kids, I think, have to be most intelligent. Imagine trying to catch the attention of a 6 year old! Although I never read ANY books at that age, I am positive some actually do. Also, it makes for such a wonderful reading when the narration is crisp and witty. And when the narrator uses words in a way to make it seem like they were actually invented for that sentence, it makes for an exceptional experience. Beautiful.

2007-10-08T01:23:00.000-07:00

I had an interesting conversation with a stranger today. I heard his voice first, impatiently trying to be calm- and making an effort (in vain, it looked to me-) to make his junior at work understand the importance of time. Smartly dressed and waiting for his turn in the queue to drop off his vehicle for servicing, I gathered that he was having a rough morning. ‘Monday mornings are the worst-’, he said in a very bad attempt at keeping his anger within controllable levels. Poor chap. Looked like he had a LOT of work to finish this morning, and he could NOT accept that he was standing here in the mad queue instead. He could not believe what was happening-did not WANT to believe, actually- when a couple of guys jumped the queue- I could clearly see the disappointment in his voice- ‘What’s the use of having a system, if we don’t follow it??’...This is what happens everywhere; this is India. It is a land where people do not 'succumb' to rules...the average intelligence level of a general citizen is higher- people think it an insult to be told to ‘follow’. Everyone uses his own cunningness to escape/ surpass; everyone finds a way. The ones who wait are the ones who care. I think we should just give it the time.

Yesterday I went to BDA complex in banashankari after a long time. We used to go there as kids- my brother and I used to slide down the thick walls along the steps. Those days the place was very under-developed; much like what the HSR layout complex stands today. We used to walk all the way there -every night- the one hour of load shedding (dunno exact spelling, hehe..) time well spent- looking at the Barbie dolls on the display panels, watching the excited faces of kids on small rides, observing the guy in the flower shop making a bouquet while my parents bought vegetables, trying to get dad to buy us gems without actually saying it- for the fear of being yelled at; and thinking of how to overtake my brother’s walk on the way back home...We celebrated the opening of every new shop in the deserted complex... It was like a victory of a bizarre kind...Small things used to lift our spirits; we didn’t need to watch movies or buy clothes we could not afford. Some things change, some don’t.

I have to learn to ‘let go’. I tend to think and re-think about small matters; things that don’t matter that much- things that some don’t even recognize. Also, I must stop expecting things from people. It will probably take off a LOT of junk from my brain. But then again, I would hate it if people didn’t expect anything from me. I would be dissapointed if people I am close to didn’t care if I was good at something or not- and if I sucked at something or not... I think how much is expected of you is directly proportional to how much you are cared for. Maybe.

2007-10-06T00:01:00.000-07:00

The population of china is greater than that of India by an amount (almost) equal to the population of US. Bizarre?

I watched a show called ‘jhalak dikhlaa jaa’ on TV yesterday. Not bad. I was thinking that if I was one of the judges, I wouldn’t be so loose with the words, though. Their comments weren’t specific; they were simply using words like ‘fabulous’, ‘wonderful’, ‘fantastic’- they might as well have read out from a thesaurus. When this program went in for a commercial break, we switched to another program, a singing competition. I realized that the judges there, too, were generalizing their comments- I was disappointed. I watched on, nonetheless. Then came the turn of two guys, and together they sang the old song- ‘Laaga chunari mein daag’...I simply loved the performance. It was beautiful; it was one of the best I have ever heard. When the turn of the comments came, the judges started again- ‘fantastic’, ‘fabulous’, and ‘wonderful’. Such a pity. The words seem so diluted; so shallow. I would really be more careful with my words if I were a judge on that stage.

Sometimes I feel bad for ‘non-sportspersons’-- the ones who miss half the fun in life, and don’t even know it. They don’t know what it is like to play a tournament as a team- how it is to feel thrilled by the first win; how it is to almost lose and emerge victorious... We all watch sports; we enjoy screaming and cheering on. But does everyone know how it feels like to be there on the field, actually playing? I do. It’s brilliant. I know how it feels to lose to a home crowd- I will never forget that moment, never. I will never forget that wave of bursting applause- meant not for us, but them... I will never forget how nothing else matters when you’re on court- the heat, the crowd, the noise, the dust or the hooting; only the volleyball does. I know how it feels to have almost given up playing, and then getting the chance to play once again- once last time..I will not give this up for anything in the world.

2007-10-03T20:00:00.000-07:00

At what point in time did advertisements become ‘unreal’? Why do we react to most commercials saying ‘Oh, that’s not how it really looks.’ When advertising started, ages ago, did it mean selling your product under fake/exaggerated characteristics? Let’s look at hair shampoo ads today. Most of them show digital hair moving like a smooth, cascading, shiny mass. We all know it’s fake. Isn’t that irritating? But then again, there are some really good ads. The old complan ad, where a small boy takes his mom as a pillion on his cycle- was one wonderful ad. Then there are ads which are witty; I like the sprite ads...It makes me wonder if we will ever come back to ‘simple’ days.

Every single bone in my body hurts. I am currently moving around the house like a groaning grandma...it’s the volleyball. But then again, I could not feel better. Whatever that means. :)

Does ‘politically correct’ mean having no opinion? Or not saying it?

I cannot stand it when an electrical switch is on in an empty room. It drives my brother mad. It used to irritate me, too, when my dad used to do the same- but now I think I have been bitten, too. once bitten, no cure. :)

2007-10-01T17:09:00.000-07:00

My mother just does not realize, I think, that she continuously comments on every perceivable thing in life. It’s not an observation, mind- it’s a comment. Be in driving on the road, watching a movie, or even eating at a restaurant. It’s the WORST when we’re following a match. GOD, her commentating follows the commentators on TV. Sometimes, she is even commenting ON the commentators. It makes for bizarre entertainment combined with periodic bursts of frustration. They make excellent memories, though. Someone once told me, ‘In your life, you will always remember things that you didn’t do, more than the ones u did.’ No connection, but just remembered.

Time is one thing we take for granted in life. We all think we have our ‘entire’ lives left to live still- so what’s the hurry? These thoughts come to my head every time something drastic happens to people around me; its just that every time something like this happens, I realise that we're not spending as much time doing what we really want to do/ what matters more to us...there are stupid things that get in the way and we live by their rules...‘She didn’t call me back, so I am not talking to her’, ‘He insulted me’, and the like. Why do we not live life with the bigger picture? Why are we always fighting and arguing with the ones we love most? Even worse, we never let them know how important they are to us. I think we should be able to take the time to say the words- you don’t want to be too late...And no one knows when it could be too late. Hmm...

I watched ‘sur’ yesterday. Good concept. Terrible acting, though.

I love the Ally Mcbeal show. It’s so wonderfully crazy. I really appreciate the creative forces behind the series; it must take a psycho genius to come up with all that...I used to watch it when I was a kid- I didn’t understand it then- it is only now that I ‘get’ it. Maybe I’ve grown up to be a psycho genius too! :D

2007-09-29T08:17:00.000-07:00

Who said only the ‘intelligent’ can be creative? Some of the most desperate and drastic attempts of ‘bad’ students to pass in written exams bring out a spectacular side- I saw some answer scripts that can drive any examiner into a state of continuous fits. Hahaha...real funny, the answers- excessively creative, I can say :)

I think I will go to lalbagh alone this time. I want to go simply for the times that I spent there; I want to go remember the crazy things we did every week- I want to go there and smile to myself; I want to go and sit under the same tree and on the same hillock- and just feel surrounded by those who made a difference to my little life.

I am addicted to this Arabic song that a good friend of mine gifted to me. (Gift for no occasion, but I’m NOT complaining, hehe..) Both of us have NO idea what the song says- but it is immensely soothing. No, not soothing. Maybe ‘passionate’. I don’t seem to be able to give it a word...Every time I try to ‘sing’ the song, what is audible is more a complicated hum- to a stranger it might even sound as a mumble. Should be careful not to sing it in public! Hehe...

Watching a cricket match in India is not only about watching the cricket. It’s the atmosphere it creates- it’s the enjoyment of a range of emotion- right from the maddening frustration when our fielders miss a catch, right up to the one over when our batsman hits six sixes. People aren’t the same when they’re watching a India- Pakistan world cup final. The entire country has bitti advice to give. Everyone thinks they can strategize/bat/bowl/field/jump/catch better. Oh and we’re pessimistic. Extremely. It takes us only a moment to disown the team after Sachin’s dismissal. It doesn’t take us time to write off the team when they’re 35/2, chasing 307 in an ODI. We’re a cricket crazy nation. Also, we’re all mad.

2007-09-27T07:27:00.000-07:00

I am a meticulous neat freak. When I draft on my sheets, I cannot stand even one line out of the place; my sheet MUST be clean. Else it drives me crazy. I use 3H pencils for construction lines, and then a 2B for darkening. I don’t think I have ever used a lead softer than that- it just makes both the hand and the sheet greasy. The contours must be accurate; the lines must be parallel, and the desk must be wiped. Doesn’t help too much, this.

“Riding everyday on traffic filled roads can make your life miserable.” Not really. When I am on the road inside my helmet, I form a very comfortable and sealed environment; I feel like I am surrounded not by honking cars, but by my thoughts. I sing loudly inside- makes for a truly entertaining ride- for both stunned onlookers and I. Hehe...It’s even better when it’s raining. I don’t see the point in waiting for the rain to stop- I carry on- the jacket and helmet complete the boundaries of my little world. You can pass by people huddled under a small roof overhang- as if they, not me, were the spectacle! All this, only as long as I am NOT carrying a zillion sheets, my bag, a model or/and drawing instruments. The fun lies in another sphere then. :)

I can’t cook. It drives my mom crazy.

I gave one stack of clothes for stitching recently, but I seemed to have managed to accumulate ANOTHER stack- currently in ‘design stage’. Gee..I am very religiously ‘studying’ the two books on fashion that I bought; they’re so expensive that I MUST. Hehe..

2007-09-25T07:55:00.000-07:00

Why do we ‘worship’ God? Is it that we are so in awe of his ‘powers’ that we bow in front of him? Is it that we hope for such a stature in society? Or is it that we are scared of him; afraid that his anger could destroy our earthly lives? Are we trying to keep him pleased? Or is it that we think of him as a source of ‘inhuman’ strength, and ask for favours? Do we ask for things that we cannot mend, understand, or help? What is God’s job description?

All our bollywood movies are in Hindi language; our RASHTRA BHASHA. But then, ALL the titles are in English! It’s a bit incoherent, I think- even the short forms are in English alphabets- DDLJ, K3G, RHTDM...But its not like that in kannada movies. All the titles are in kannada language...‘Mungaaru Male’ in English looks so funny, while ‘Swades’ written in English is normal. Something is wrong.

I love carbon (tracing) paper. I have been using it a lot lately- tracing out contours for my site model. Every time I trace a contour, the lines remain on the tracing paper; there are layers and layers of lines, shapes and forms- they contain so much history...on one particular sheet, I could see the remains of the site boundaries of my fifth and sixth semester work- ready to merge with the lines from my thesis project; the culmination.

“Staring at the blank page before you,
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you,
Only you can let it in..
No one else can speak
The words on your lips-
Drench yourself in words unspoken,
Live your life with arms wide open..
Today is where your book begins-
The rest is still unwritten.”

2007-09-23T08:00:00.000-07:00

I went to Deepak (my tailor) today for ‘tailoring class’. I want to learn how to cut cloth- so I went to the one person who I know can. It’s not easy to be around him- it’s like an eternal state of panic; he has submission every hour! In one minute’s time, he cuts the sleeves for a dress that is already into stitching, receives two phone calls- one from angry auntie asking for due date; and the other from anxious auntie asking for her lost material, yells at his assistant for not shrinking the lining cloth, attends to a customer looking for directions, and receives a delivery from the embroidery department. Phew. And this is what he does every minute of the day. Psycho. And I went up to him asking for tailoring ‘lessons’. Hehe...All I could do was to sit in front of him, and somehow, learn something on his way to make ends meet. I learnt a lot, though. Only he’s too fast for me to register everything in just one sitting. I hope to go back- next week. Hard life, it is.

Lot of time on hand these days...somehow when you have plenty of it, time does seem to not accommodate 2000 things; I hardly realize how an entire day goes away in just lounging about in the house. When I think of all that I managed to do in the same time span last year, it amuses me.

I have started posting in my blog every alternate day. But when I write in my diary, I don’t write with the intent of posting it all; I constantly remind myself that it is my diary, and I will write whatever I feel like writing in it- the blog is just a part of the diary. I think that’s why there is no pressure when I am typing; I am still writing with the same ‘innocence’ as before. And also the fact that my blog is not real-time with my diary helps, too.

Some time back, on my way to college, I saw this poster on the rear glass of a car- ‘My wife keeps saying that I never listen to what she says...or something like that.’ Hahaha...I laughed all the way to college that day; felt so cheerful- the traffic didn’t bother me at all. Humor is such a wonderful gift.

2007-09-21T07:43:00.000-07:00

I always wanted to be 5’8” tall. Just missed it. One inch. Tch tch. Come to think of it, I don’t remember having too many ‘I want to be’s as a child. Only the height thing. No, not even ‘I want to be rich!’. Not as badly as I wanted to be tall. Hehe...

Back in pre-university, some things about physics used to bug me. I used to hate the fact that when something is unexplainable, it becomes a ‘property’. It felt like an excuse or something. Even now, it’s unsettling. Also, I never really understood the theory behind Avogadro’s number. Really.

Why are some people closer to us than others? Why are we more comfortable with certain friends and not so comfortable with some others? Why do we get excited to speak to some people and try to avoid some others? Why do we wait hours for a moment’s time with some and never even for a moment for some others? What distinguishes our relationships with people? Personality only? What if it’s not about personality alone? Like someone once said, ‘Eighty percent of all that you say isn’t coming out of your mouth.’ What is it that makes us feel warm in a certain friend’s presence? How is ‘attraction’ explained? Why do we love some while dislike others? Is it a human ‘property’?

‘Self sufficiency is economic suicide.’

2007-09-19T07:02:00.001-07:00

Indian temple history is so exciting. It’s amazing to read all about the beginnings of imagery; the mask that spirit possessions brought to a village, was in fact the origin of the ‘image’ that a temple houses. How the processional ratha (cart) of the last rites of the dead was the starting point of the shikhara/vimana, and how the temple ritual changed from sacrificed blood drinking to smearing of red powder to an idol. How tribal origins and elements were sanskritised, borrowing from the brahmanical north; how the temple structure was a simple implication of the material in use. Beautiful. It feels good to know more about our temples than just to visit them as tourists.

I hate ‘small talk’. It’s extremely irritating when conversation gets shallow; “Oh hi...are you doing good?” “Yes, yes, I am doing well, thanks.” Grrr...

While writing in slam books, I like to write specific things. I like to remember how I interacted with that person, what we spoke about, and how much it meant to me. And when you write a parting message for someone, I think it is important that you be specific. How else will the person remember you? By saying “I had a great time on this trip, and I hope we keep in touch.” ??? Or by saying “I would like to continue the debate we had of socialism Vs capitalism some day...I had great fun imitating sir- you make a terrific partner-in-crime!” I like it when people write specifics in my memory book- I like the one I made in 2 PUC. All wonderful entries; but I like Sandesh’s the best. Very himself- no pretence; no extra colouring for the sake of it- just very true and in-the-face. Vinay’s entry, too.

Most of my friends are boys. It has always been the case- right from primary school all the way till now. I wonder why.

2007-09-17T08:32:00.000-07:00

Capitalism. Hmm...

I miss physics. I love physics. The only subject close to it during my architectural education was ‘structures’. In structures we studied the strength of materials; calculated the load carrying capacities of beams, columns, footings, and the various effects of load. It was interesting, but somehow not my idea of physics. Physics is the basic understanding of our surroundings; it is how we are trying to cope up, understand and classify all that is happening next to us. Wonderful. Physics shouldn’t be a textbook. It’s the physical explanation of life; as simple as that. When I was younger, I used to crib while learning the ‘applications’ of all ‘laws’. I understand it now- without application, we wouldn’t be interested in it in the first place. ‘Laws’ are for us to simplify and rationalize; application is the basic aim of study of the subject. Textbooks should be re-written to help understand this.

This is what I wrote for a psycho friend as a parting-gift on behalf of the lalbagh gang... all fiction, mind-(He was moving to a city an hour’s journey from Bangalore :)

“Varun’s life is an entertaining (not for him, but for us) journey with innumerable ‘avatars’ as we call them- having risen from the streets as a beggar to a waiter, all the way up to the inventor of the ‘all new!- table tennis in a squash court’- Varun has seen and done it all. (We all firmly disagree.) This flight to success has seen unprecedented support from all his friends (we all firmly agree) - “It was all because of my friends that I got this far”, he finally admits at gunpoint. He still owes us approximately 200 billion treats at corner house. His mind blowing success has landed him at the front page of ‘no-time’ magazine, the most prestigious offering yet. And to think that it all began with a simple idea (given by architect amrita kulkarni, which he claims as his own) - buy spiky chappals for a birthday gift! Also, the priceless t shirt painted for a friend is on display at the London museum for ‘crap-from-street’, one of the most celebrated museums in the world. “I knew it would be an instant hit the second I stole...err…made it.” His obsession with the ‘foot’ has led to innumerable discoveries of the pig’s foot- (very moving, indeed) Also, his love for the beach helped him prove that sand, in fact, has life. (Although it comes as no surprise that only the sand believes him). In his college days, he claims to have lived the best days of his life- (thanks to us, cause we didn’t kill him-). A passion for modeling speaks- “I’ve always known that the modeling world would kill for material like me-” (sure. Kill, definitely, after suicide!)”

2007-09-15T10:44:00.000-07:00

“I have traveled across the length and breadth of India, and I have not seen one person who is a beggar, who is a thief. Such wealth I have seen in this country, such high moral values, people of such caliber, that I do not think we would ever conquer this country, unless we break the very backbone of this nation, which is her spiritual and cultural heritage, and therefore, I propose that we replace her old and ancient education system, her culture, for if the Indians think that all that is foreign and English is good and greater than their own, they will lose their self esteem, their native self culture, and they will become what we want them, a truly dominated nation”. This was an address delivered to the British parliament by Lord Macaulay in 1835. (Some say the parliament part is made-up). In any case, we know the truth is not too far from it. The question remains- If we were once so rich, why are we now poor?

I just realized that very often, we use the plural of various physical units in our daily lives. “I ran a hundred metres.”, “I am carrying 3 kgs of rice”, “The lizard is only 11cms long!”. From what I remember, I don’t think SI units have plural(s ?). It is 100m, 8kg, and 11cm. Simple mistakes.

I am addicted to Vaseline. Lip balm, rather. Ice cream, too. Food, rather. :)

The best part of the every Sunday lalbagh walk is the 10km ride to the park. I start at 6 in the morning, and it takes me 25min to reach. Lovely. The sun rises on my way. There are hardly any vehicles on the road...all along the way, the streets are deserted; but it is not dismal- there is life. Somehow, you can feel it- that this place is going to come alive in a couple of hour’s time. Wonderful times. I don’t think I have too many of these left on me- must grab them.

2007-09-13T07:49:00.000-07:00

I am so sleepy. I was continuously working on the computer all of yesterday, slept for 2 hours last night, went to college for a review today, after which joined friends to watch a movie.(the movie was sooo bad, I cannot begin-). And now, I am finally back home after a not-so-bad ride on hosur road. But I feel strangely cheerful. This has been a busy day after a long time. I am rather jobless these days because of the free time I get outside just two-days-a-week at college. It’s somehow better to have a million things to do, and never the time to finish it all, than to lay around the house with not much to do. No matter what, this free time that I will enjoy for this semester is something that will never be available to me for the rest of my life(unless I become a housewife)- so for the better or worse, this ‘joblessness’ is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Let’s take in as much air as we can gulp.

I have to find new ways of making trees for my models in design. Every time, I do the same thing- parke kaddi(stick) for the trunk, and thick paper cut-outs for the green. The problem with this is that the tree cannot be perceived in an ant’s eye perspective- there is no volume of green! It is only one horizontal plane resting on top of the vertical stick! Although when photographed from the bird’s eye, the model looks good. I have seen good forms of trees with the weirdest of materials; must try this time. ‘Time’...

I bumped into Vinay and Varun at corner house last week. It was awesome; we’ve been planning to meet for the past year, I think- but something or the other came up. Vinay looks very different now; he’s lost lot of weight, and feels like he’s more comfortable with himself now...But otherwise, he’s the SAME! Goodness, the jokes are the same; I spent more time talking to them than eating ice cream!(which is a BIG ask!) remembering Vinay’s side of PUC was unbelievable fun; he has been upto a lot of things unknown to us nerds. Hehe...

I was recently called ‘bizarrely honest’. I LOVE the adjective! :)

2007-09-11T20:15:00.000-07:00

There is nowhere left to go on a weekend. Everywhere you go, it’s crowded- there is nowhere you can go without spending money. And lots of it, on a weekend. Even if you want to meet up with friends to just talk, you have to go to a café or something- no place at first, and once you do get place, there is a line waiting for you to leave. Hate it. I heard recently that some people who just want to catch up with friends, go to graveyards. Spooky. Earlier when we hung out in school, we used to go to each other’s places- chat there for hours together- we knew each other’s parents well, too! I don’t ever remember anything involving money at all!

September is here already! Lots of birthdays in September. Once upon a time I used to dread this month- because it meant that lot of money is about to be spent on joint gifts to all the birthday girls/guys. Not anymore. I don’t think I am going to be buying anybody anything, let alone as a combined gift. No more ‘group’ left.

My dad says that if something has to be famous, it has to have something that everyone wants. It cannot be something YOU want, even if it’s yours, but something THEY want. Can nothing be accepted the way it is?

There is a road in Bangalore called Lavelle Road. I wonder which language this is. What if it means ‘death-trap’ road or something like that in swedish? hehe...

2007-09-09T20:00:00.000-07:00

I have started understanding cloth and its characteristics- texture, fall, fineness, drape- its wonderful, really- its almost like it were a living thing. Each texture reacts to the human body differently- and differently altogether to a dining table. God, there are sooo many kinds of fabrics around us; each with its own bracket of usability. Cutting cloth is even more exciting- you can go crazy trying to keep it under control.. I must, must learn the art...

Ironing clothes is such a waste. Within twenty minutes of wear, it is going to crease anyway. Specially these days, when you have to travel the world before you reach the destination. What’s the point? Same with making the bed in the morning. Let alone the point, I see no reference axes.

The word document that I am writing in has a black background. Even all my autocad files have a black background. Somehow they’re easier to work on. What is amazing is that there is only one colour which is just as bright on a white background as it is on a black one. RED. I somehow like the colour. It stands for a lot of things- bold, dangerous, blood, scary, rich, luxury. Luxury and blood are very different responses to the same thing, don’t you think?

Oh my poor mom- how she loves to sing! She also has an incredible knowledge on the subject. The saddest thing, though, is that she just CANNOT sing. No, not at all. Nowhere close. If someone put pitch, tone, and melody into a box, juggle it real hard, and force out the contents within human frequency of hearing, that would be it. Yeah. But I really, really appreciate the honesty with which she ignores our pleas to stop. Hehe...If only God would have given her the voice...tch tch...Well in that sense, God is almost great- gave her the interest, the art of appreciation, the sensitivity of the ear, and also the incredible memory. But no, not the voice. pity.

2007-09-07T20:01:00.000-07:00

Che, I miss smitha. She’s sitting in the US- although I am sure she is bored to death~! I miss the energy that she brings to any and everything; she is the most cheerful person I know. She and I have a lot in common- we’re both barking mad, addicted to shopping, complete movie buffs, and always ready to loaf around the city (country, too, mind- if it were a little easier)- we even have the same shoe size! So, basically, when I like a pair of shoes/chappals that I love, I buy them for her. Hehe...

Somebody from U.A.E read my blog. Wow.

I met the creative director of the architecture design team of ISKCON. While shaking his hand, I was amused by how a shake hand is possible only when the palms are mirror images- a shake hand cannot occur with one person’s right hand and another’s left. Now, if a left hander shakes hands with a right hander, one of them has to put forward their wrong hand.(!). Also, if two lefties are to shake hands, will they shake their left hands or the right ones?

The process of ‘analysis’ is seen everywhere. ‘Analyzing the situation’. To analyse something, you need to have focus, an opinion, clarity of thoughts, patience, and sincere intent. I would say it’s an intelligent thing to be able to do. No mugger can analyse. HOD had said once that Varna Dhar had excellent analytical skills. I think this must be an important skill to have to impress- Donald Trump must be looking out for that, too. Well...